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Spend more time with him. Go out and do things just the two of you. Make the brother bond stronger between you two. Then he will open up more and you can talk to him easier and guide him. But take it slow. Give closeness chance to develop before you try to get him to open up to you, or he might clam up.
the thing is that he wont even go to a car race with me or watch one with me which he is totally in love with. A lot of the time he is out with his frieds or in his room. other then that I rarely see him. We talk every week and clara keeps me updated on him but he wont do anything with me or clara for that matter.
Oh that’s a pity. Where’s Mom or Dad? Can you talk to them about it?
look, I AM one of those kids that all the concerned guardians have trouble understanding. so take it from me when i say That Its important that you trust you kid. as long as he’s smart he WILL do the right thing, hes another human being if you look at it from that point of view you’ll feel much better.
In the event that he IS hanging out with a bunch of crack heads or w/e The BEST thing you can do for him is be there for him in any way you can. He’s going to have to learn the error of his ways one way or another.
Fever might be right about this one. Sometimes the more you try to help someone the further away you push them and the worse things get. Maybe the best thing to do is step back and just keep trying to gently stear him rather than force him to change. If and when he is ready he’ll need you there for him, till then as hard as it might be the best thing you can do is wait.
Fever is always right! Insolent Fools!
Fever Dream wrote:
Fever is always right! Insolent Fools!
All bow down to the wisdom of Fever ;)
Mom died last year and dad well…lets just say he sin’t right to handel a child. He has some issues of his own to work out.
I do trust him to do whats right but then again I don;t trust him, he’s been around our father sence our mom died and im sure my dad has shown him more then any kid could ever know. Then hes also ben around Clara and she isnt the smoke free person either. I tried to get him to come with me but he woudn’t. I trust him to do the right thing but I think he belives maybe doing drugs is the right thing because its how my family has or had delt with my mom’s death and he knows it.
You can’t force him to change his mind about this, you need to be patient and wait for him to come around on his own. Give gentle hints, encourage him to quit, but don’t twist his arm about it or he’ll not want to spend any time with you at all.
I would go straight up to him and just lay it out flat. I did that with my cousen and it worked fine. But there needs to be boundries and a great relationship between you and your brother. You can always try to give him messages that are discreet but not to hardcore. Talk to him when he is calm and when you feel it’s like now or never. The best you can do for him is that he knows that you care about him.
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I called Clara and he went out last night and didnt come home till around 2am…she confronted him and he confessed to having somthing to do with drugs. He woudnt admit what he gotten into or anything but he did admit he has been doing somthing. Clara, myself and my little bro btw his name is Erik, were all going to talk tomorrow aboout what hes been doing and what were gonna do…I have ti admit…Im scared to even think about what hes been doing. Ive wanted to know for so long but now im like…im sorry i found out…what do i say if he says he got into meth or black crack or somthing that could kill him…idk…im confused now.
I’m sure things will work out, Kids today don’t really do HARDCORE drugs, Id’ be willing to be its just some pot or something. Either way its important that your loving First and stern second. I’m sure it will work out fine though just trust your instincts on what you should do
I went over to Clara’s this morning and we began t talk, he’d been doing drugs for almost 3 mounths now, both selling and buying. He told us that he’d sold weed,crack and coke and has mostly done weed and heroin but has done meth atleast 3 times. Once he told us, I left the house, I went outside and puked like crazy. I told Clara I had to go home, that I ******* handel it right now. I don;t know what shes going to do with him, I don;t know what im going to do with him. I never thought hed get into this and if he did i would have thought that he would only have done weed and not sold it either. I came home and I cryed like a baby and then Ashley called and she was really upset and I said I coudnt talk right now and then she cried…so I let her down too.
Ouch.
I’m really sorry to hear that =/
But if hes telling you this now thats at least a step, i know its hard but you should try to look at the upside of these things, He’s telling you this now so you can take action and help him out of stuff like that, people who have the willpower to sell drugs before they do them are smart enough to realize why doing them is wrong. I Know its hard to think like this and i know its going to be even harder to do, But you need to be there for him and show him why he should not be doing this.
I dont know how i can be there for him when i cnt even think about what happened without being sick to my stomache. Its my fault…its all my fauklt…he saw me doing meth before and im sure it influenced him that it was ok…I stopped when i got sick but i never told him I was sorry for him seeing me like that, and i never thought it would have gotten in his mind that srugs could solve his problems. All I have to do is look at a picture of him and I cry…I dont know how i can phase him without cryng like a girl. I called up Ashley and she wont even answer the phone anymore, her mom answered the one time and said she wasn’t in the modd to talk….I let her down and now she is paying for it…I love her…so much…I love my brother so much…but I cant handel either of them.
First thing you need to do, is do what you can to get him in a position to take you seriously as he should, Do whatever you can. If he really looks up to you then maybe you should cry. At this point do anything you can to get him to realize how dangerous this stuff is and how important his life is to not only himself but everyone who cares about him. I believe you can do that. If you love him i Know you will.
At the same time you have to remember to listen, I’m thinking that hes been through a good amount. If he’s willing to talk its important that you listen to him first. I know it looks like the situation is bad and that you failed everyone err w/e blah blah blah. But in reality you have to realize hes been doing it for awhile and Now you have the opportunity to change his ways. This is even though you may not be aware the best time through all of this. Take your problems 1 at a time and remember. its always darkest before dawn.
Have you ever considered presenting him with a change of scenery?
Look, you’ve made progress since he is trusting you enough to talk
maybe he will trust you enough to listen
At this age, he is trying to find himself, as all of us are, and the best way for him to do that is travel. When trapped in a bad situation for too long, it is so easy for a person’s view of the world to narrow. Talk to him about it, see what he thinks. I would strongly suggest looking into outward bound. Or even having him stay with family would work, or letting him stay at youth hostels in Europe. Anything you can afford, just start putting money away for him. I know that from everyone I have ever known who has traveled, it is the best thing for any person.
Well…before i had a chance clara sent him to rehab and he agreed to it. Im going tomorrow to see him and also going to see ashler. I need to patch things up for both of them. Ashley needs me now more then ever and so does my bro. i dont know what id do if i lost either. the thing idk what to do is…idk what is hould with the drugs he has stashed in claras house. I thought about giving them to whom he bought em from but idk.
be there for him let him know no matter what u love him and are there for him . there are many reason why people turn to drugs talk to him be sure to listen really listen to him it could be a faze
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shameemthoma wrote:
be there for him let him know no matter what u love him and are there for him . there are many reason why people turn to drugs talk to him be sure to listen really listen to him it could be a faze
I talked to him and he did it because he was so stressed because of verything thats been happening. He told me its because of stress, he needed a way to calm down down and he woudnt go to see some quake therapist which i dont blame him so he went to a different source. He’s doing beter now, very figity and such because he is becoming clean and stuff but he’ll turn around.
MamaBear {Felicity} edited this post 1 month, 3 weeks ago. Read the previous text »
My little brother is or atleast I think he is getting or has gotten into drugs but i dont know exactly how to go about finding it out, or even asking him. He is living with my sister Clara and I have to admit she is a VERY bad influence, but she is a very good gaurdian as well…I dont know what to do, how to talk to him or what? He is turning 18 soon and then I can;t do much for him but TRY and stea him in the right direction. I tried to talk to Clara but she wont even take it into consideration.
I suspect he is because…
He’s been staying out late
hanging with a new croud
Asked for $200+ from me and Clara
Come home beaten up and said his money and such was stolen more then once
I dont know what to do…any ideas?
Hi Karmen,nice to meet you.It’s always good to meet someone that cares for their loved ones the way you do.things sound better already from the time you posted up until now.I’m a little concerned how you feel like you let people down,just by caring you have done your part so don’t think you let anyone down.My sister has done drugs for many years now and I still don’t give up hope on her and I know you will not give up on your bro either.I know how helpless you must feel but don’t ,just show him you love him.Love is everything.Don’t be afraid to show the tears and anger your feeling,It might just be the thing to open his eyes to the seriousness of the problem and whatever you do keep the lines of communication open.I’m also curious about how much Clara is a bad influence.So if you want to share more about that we are listening.Either way,keep praying and I will be too,for all concerned :)
I felt like i let them down because i coudnt handel any of it, i told my brother id never run from him thatd id always be there for him, and then when everything kinda spilled out i lost it completly, I was so scared and upset and everything just came crashing back, and then Ashley called and she needed me more then anything, and maybe if I had let her talk to me and went to see her when she called she woudnt have been so emotionaly unstable the following day. Shes ok now, shes with me and my brother is in good hands and getting clean, so everything turned out good, but now…im kinda faling apart…I’ve been drinking for the past 2 days straight and havent slept in like 38 hours, I lay down but sleep dosent come, I look at Ashley and see he smile and tears just come to my eye, i think of the past with my brother and ashley and myself ad past events and i have to admit that death comes to mind. I cant an dont want to tell anyone epsecally Ashley, she has so much now and she is depending on me now, i dont want to her down. Maybe im just taking everything to hard. My temper has gotten worse as well, somone said somthing to fletcher in the chatroom and i was ready to curse them out, it took everything i had to keep typing and yet not blow up. Also I think my body might be trigering its own hurt on purpose…the past two week things have happened that seem lik accident but once i thinkabout it…I think how did i do that or why. its scary.
I see now.You are only human dear,don’t expect so much from yourself,we are all in the learning process till the day we die.We can’t always be there for someone when needed either.like with Ashley.I just recently learned this hard lesson.When you find yourself in this situation its so important to give it to the one that is superhuman,he can and will handle everything.You know what you have to do to get out of this slump your in,consider and take control of your health and well being.Get rid of the booze and get some sleep.You deserve it and if you dont you wont be much good for others when they need you.We are here for you,I hope you know that.And there is always choices.So whatever you do ,dont give up.Seek and ye shall find :)
BTW-I’m sorry to hear about your mothers passing-here’s a prayer for you and your family. Bless those who mourn, eternal God,
with the comfort of your love
that they may face each new day with hope
and the certainty that nothing can destroy
the good that has been given. May their memories become joyful,
their days enriched with friendship,
and their lives encircled by your love.
Amen.
thanks felicity
I gave him a call today and he is doing good, he said thank you to me and also to tell CLara he is sorry. Somthignt hat suprised me was said “Do you think mom is disapointed in me?” I told him mom is looking out for him and that she loves you but weather she is disapointed in him would be for him to talk to her and then depending on what feeling you get after would tell you. I didnt know what to tell him so i told him what came from my heart but i dont know if thtat was right to tell him.
Also…I woke up this morning in a complete drenched sweat and whne I went to eat somthing i got a wave of depression, i came to my room and I cried like i dont think I ever did. I calmed down and relaxed for a bit but then…it happened all over again, I went into a sweat, got depressed and even thought about cutting. I called my sister and she said to get some help, but she wasnt any help at all either. I talk to Shawn my room mate and he said that its possibly the alchohol…ive been on alchohol many times before but it never made me feel like this…ive never been this upset before.
That would be a hard question to answer.If he knows he did wrong I dont see anything wrong in telling him you thought about it and ‘no’ shes not .And if she was it doesn’t change her love for him………About the sweating and all,I’m not going to speculate on what it might be.The alcohol is a possibility ,especially if you haven’t been eating well.the best thing is like you said,to get help.What about going to your doctor?
I could call him but i dont want to raie any susoicion with Luna, thats whyive kept it on the down low, otherwise id of called my doctor before. I havent been eating to much and i havent been sleeping much either. in the past thrree says ive slept 10hr and eaten maybe 3 meals. which ive doen this before when i was younger but it never hit me this hard before. i was just sitting there and the room actually spun i had to go sit lay down, i felt fine but then my head started pounding and my stomache still isnt right, i thought the flu but idk.
sry, im confused about Luna.Can u remind me who that is and raising suspicion? ………Its vital that you take the best care of yourself,especially now.if not you wont be much good for others.Things like this are very straining,it uses mental energy we need.U dont have to eat much,just small healthy meals and vitamins cant hurt too.Its different when we are kids.do U have any conditions? diabetes or high blood pressure and/or on any meds,new meds?
Luna is my bestfriend in the world, she just got out of her own issues and is living with me so i can help her with the baby shell be having,she cant be stressed, so im keeping and everything on the down low. Everytime she gets overly stressed it puts hardship on the baby and i dont want to be responsible for that. No i dont have medications, deseases ect. but then again i havent been to see a doctor for almost 6 years so i dont know.
You ARE a Gem for caring about people so much.But just so you know,just like there’s a upside,there’s also a downside to everything.Unless she is very tender,like under a doctors supervision with the stress issue,it’s not a good idea to tiptoe cuz it can cause damage to yourself and your relationship with her.I can explain more once I know if she’s in this position or not,if you want.Im just concerned about you that’s all.Now, my advice to you is see a Doctor ,will you do that? And have you been laying off the alcohol? and how did you sleep last night?
Im not sure what you mean when you say is she under the supervision of a doctor but she is seing a therapist 2 a week for the next 3 weeks. I did go to see a doctor, i got so dizzy and weak, shawn drove me to the ER, i was there for about an hour and they didnt know exactly what to make of anything, so they did some tests and came up that it is my blood sugar, i had a low sugar attack from not eating, but the thing is…it should have effected me sooner and not so hard so now there thinkig it could be somthing else as well, so they gave me some medican and tomorrow they’re sending me to get more testes done tomorrow. Yes I have layed off the alchohol last night didnt sleep…coudnt sleep…came home and pased out though if that counts.
That is what i meant.I just thought maybe it was just because she was pregnant people may be overly cautious.so ok.I see.It sounds like your puzzled why it didn’t bother you before? Thats probably because of the mental energy you have used lately.Caring for others deeply can be draining.Me and others here have experienced it.I for one got sick and depressed for the first time in something like 20 yrs.We need to put ourselves first sometimes,being careful not to compromise our own health and well being.I wouldn’t worry to much if I were you about the low blood sugar,Its probably just the stress and eating problem.But by all means go through with what you think is best for you and if that means doing the tests,then you should do that.
Yea, she went bolistic the other day and doctor suggested it so we got her into therapy, I geuss your right, but I cant put myself before Luna thats like mission impossible for me. I’d kill for that girl, if she needed a rare flower from some forin country where i had to risk my life, before she fnish her goodbye she’d have that flower on her lap. I’m deffinently going for that testing though, if somthing is wrong with me no matter what i need to make sure im ok, the other night i thought i was gonna pass out and maybe not wake up, i was scared to death, i dont wat to go through that again.Although nothing has eally improoved, I took a nap after taking that medican and woke up again in a sweat, coudnt eat and now have a killer head ache. Called the doctor and he said if gets any worse to call 911 and gave me some minor suggestion but none of them worked. idk whats wrong with anymore.
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