Theres been a lot of stuff…
this might not actually seem that bad but well, the first thing was, i was dating a girl for about 4 months, utterly in love with her. then she stopped talking to me for a couple days, and then broke up with me. she told me it was because life was too stressfull to have a boyfriend right now. (hah, silly 14 year olds you say to yourself). it turned out, that was a lie, she told me she really broke up with me because i was mean to people, untrustworthy, too hard on myself, and insensetive. i obviously went into a pretty deep state of depression for a while, seeing as previous to the break up i already had some small self mutilation problems and what i thought was bipolar.
during these months i slowly gained sanity. i stopped cutting for a couple months, and for about a month i wasnt depressed at all. i then found out she lied about that, in truth she was just afraid of commitment (wtf?) she had told me she regained feelings for me, and i still loved her… i asked her out, and she declined.
i shouldnt have expected a yes.
and i also shouldnt have told her about my experiences with depression… apparently she has dreams where i commit suicide, and it freaks her out. i wish she didnt care about me at all.
i kind of wish no one did. although im considered “smart” i get terrible grades at school, i feel really bad about my friendships, and everynow and again i get thoughts of suicide.
ive tried 3 times.
what should i do? im scared to ask for help from a proffessional, i dont want my parents to know… ive talked to a couple frinds i trust…
what should i do about the girl? i just feel like an idiot…
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