reason help: Ok, I’m not quite sure what has happened to me. - Help.com

Your suffering from depression, or something related. What I’m gonna say is something you proberly already know; self harm is never the answer. It will only make you feel worse.
Your right to e scared, its the start of a slippery slope. But by posting here you know its a problem, and I really hope we can help.

Whats your situation? If you don’t mind answering. Do you feel low, or just numb?

New life experience is just around the corner, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. But self harm can lead to the wrong sorta light at the end of a tunnel, if you get my drift.

Thinking positive, so hard, but its always the best start you can give yourself. See the good in yourself, not the bad.

It’s a bit of both really. It depends, sometimes I’m low, sometimes I’m numb and sometimes I’m happy-ish. (But obviously then I never hurt myself.)

I get what you mean. Right now I’m happy, but its all too easy to see all the bad happening in the world, in our own lives, and become detatched; numb. Or just plain low.
What you’ve got to focus on when you feel numb is that there is so much else in the world. Disheartened at friends? Go out and make a real effort to meet new people. Disheartened with homelife? Go out for a long walk, if you can, get away for a few days. Everything seems better after a break. Even a long, relaxing walk, can give you different perspectives on things.
As for feeling low, I take a series of sad songs, break up songs, tragic songs, and just sit there in my sorrow, listening to people sing about there’s. Put any thoughts about self harm out your mind, your worth more than that. Your sorrow will go, but the scars wont.

When your feeling happy again, you don’t want a constant reminder of the way you feel now.

That’s why I normally use the scissors, because they leave marks but they’re not permenent. But with the knife, it would be permenent, and it just scared me that that didn’t seem to worry me in the slightest.

It should worry you. Right now it feels like you deserve it right? If your anything like me you’ll want to do it, to prove to yourself you feel down. But it will only makes things worse.
You have to take a real rain check on your life. Look at our life through someone else’s eyes. You’ll find there is a lot of positive that you can focus on.

Beat the depression, and you will find confidence you would never have hurting yourself.

I wouldn’t say that I deserve it … I don’t think.
I think it’s just that it shows how I feel on the inside and because I can’t control the emotions I feel on the inside, I can control this.
In my mind, because I don’t know why I feel the way I do, it gives me a reason. I can look and think, ok, so that’s why I feel like this.
Even though deep down I know it isn’t the marks that make me feel like I do, it still helps.

I’ve seen this before too many times. Sure its pain you can control, but its not a healthy way of doing it. I don’t know why you feel the way you do, hell half the times I am down I don’t know why either!
The only way I explain it is that when we feel down, its so we can look at our life, and see how lucky we truly are. Through feeling like you do, you will see the positives in your life, strive for them.

Take your feelings and put them into your art. You can control that too! Some of the most creative things made are by people feeling down. Take your negative feelings and put them into your work. It gives you something to look back on, to give you hope.

It might make you feel like it helps, but you’ll realise its all a lie.

You are just making small scrathes with scissors, which means that it is likely to get more serious if you continue down this road and the road gets harder to escape from the further you walk down it. I am speaking from experience and I know how hard it is to stop.

You are looking for a way out and this is not correct way of doing it. I know it is hard but you need to try and take your mind off it. Take up a project that you can do on your own. Such as writing a book or taking up a musical instrument.

I have a few questions for you that might help us to understand you a bit better.

-How old are you?
-Do you have any people around you?
-Can you tell us a bit about you?

You are still anonymous, so you don’t have to worry about anything, as long as you don’t give out to much personal information.
But it would help us to help you if we know a little bit more.

When it comes to (the desire of) cutting yourself it is most likely because of other ‘problems’. You can not control the pain and switch to physical pain that you can control: you start cutting.

I strongly suggest you don’t harm yourself in anyway anymore, but that is easier said than done.

You have any idea what in life makes you trying to cut yourself?
That is what you have to address and resolve.

If you want, we are all here to brainstorm with you to see if we can give you some suggestions to get things going for you again.

I’m 15. What do you mean by do I have any people around me? What do you want to know, I don’t want to say anything that’s completely pointless you knowing.

I’ve just lost my best friend so I feel worse than normal but I normally don’t feel happy anyway. Normally it’s my mum and sister that can make me truly happy, but they don’t know that.

I meant if you have family or friends close to you.

And just if you go to school, work, that kinda stuff.
And perhaps something that made you feel a bit low.

Well, you did gave some answers. =)

You say your mother and sister can make you happy.
Do they know anything about this, that you harm yourself?
And could it be an idea to tell them? Or, why not tell them?

How old is your sister btw?

If it is your Mum and sister that make your truely happy, then maybe you should try talking to them more. It’s always more comfortable when you talk to people who make you happy. That is because they know you better and can deal with the problem in their own way. That way you will be able to progress quicker.

I agree with miskat though. Maybe you do need to start brainstorming and writing down what you think is making you so depressed and then you can attack each problem individually.

I’ve got to go now, because it is the end of my lunch break and my supervisor will have a got at me if I’m not working. I’ll be back online later though. Take care and don’t do anything that you will regret; please.

Well I’m close to most of my family, the ones that live with me anyway.

I go to school but I’ve finished my exams now so I don’t have to go back until September.

No-one in my family knows anything about me harming myself or how I feel. I don’t want to worry them and I don’t think I could cope being with them everyday when they’ll ask me questions and just generally not leave me alone.

I understand what you are saying.
Trust me, I am very happy I don’t have my family in my neck daily.

But than again.
Something has to change? Doesn’t it?

So, how are you going to do that?
What are your own ideas?

Well I’m going away in two weeks so at the minute I’m just hoping that some time away will allow me to think things through properly, without thinking about anybody else.

Are you going on a holiday or…?

I guess, since you are 15, you are not going alone…

But you still have to go through the two weeks untill you leave, how are you going to do that?
And when you are there where you are going, have you thought of a plan yet on how you are going to think things through?

Well I’m going to Africa to help some people there and go hiking and stuff. Going with friends and 2 teachers. I’m busy sorting everything out so I’ll just keep myself occupied until then so I don’t have time to think. I haven’t thought about everything in detail yet, but I will.

Does any of your friends or teachers know about your cutting?

The friend I’ve fallen out with does and one teacher but neither of them are going on the trip with me, and they don’t know the … umm … recent development.

Well, perhaps it is an idea to tell at least one of the teachers that are coming along.

After all, they are partially responsible for you during the trip and perhaps it is nice if you can talk with someone about it while you are there.

You shouldn’t try to go alone through this. We don’t have to do everything on our own…

I don’t really get on well with either of the teacher that are going though. I can only talk to people about stuff like that if I know I can trust them, and I don’t think I can because I don’t know them well enough.

miskat wrote:
You shouldn’t try to go alone through this. We don’t have to do everything on our own…

Do you agree on this?

Yes, for some things. But for this, I do agree.

So, why don’t you take action on that than?

Well I’m not doing it alone. My teacher knows. And ok, people can help me, but ultimately it’s up to me to help myself and sort everything out.

Of course, but people can support you.

What does your teacher say about it?

She just talks through stuff with me really. She doesn’t know that it’s got worse though because I haven’t seen her since then.

You plan to tell her about that?
Can you reach her at the moment?

I don’t know, I don’t want to worry her even more and I’m not at school anymore so I can’t really contact her.

So, basically, the circle is round again and you do it all on your own.

How about the schoolcounsellor? She should be trained and used to stories like yours.
Allready spoken with her?

I was meant to but she wasn’t there and now I’m not in school I can’t see her again until September.

Thus?

You are not going to do anything and hope all will be fine?
You are heading to Africa with no one you can share your story with and there it is going to be solved?
And you come back and you are a happy girl again?

And what about here? Why have you chosen to go anon?

You still here anon?

Became awfully quiet…

And if you’re not, hope you get this message:

Don’t try to do it alone. Take a risk in trusting someone, you’ll be surprised.
Get some help. Work on yourself. Life is worth it. Life can be way too much fun not to live it with joy. Take care of yourself.

I can cope until September, then I have the teacher and counsellor I can talk to again. I just need to be ok until then. I don’t think changes will happen overnight or without help, I know I can’t do it alone, I’m just hossing to at least explore that option first.

I don’t really know why I’m anon, I just am.

*hoping

Hmm. Well anon - you’ve got a problem with this self harming thing - that much is obvious - don’t think I’m exactly telling you something new here. Trouble is it is something of an addiction and one that you need to get rid of - the knife thing appears to be fairly irrelivent - to be honest. The real issue is that you self - harm and you need to deal with this.

Try replacing it with another behavior - the release and releif you feel from self harm can be got from other activities - exersise springs to mind immediately - or try something more fun - like kickboxing, karate or fencing - something that gives you an endorphin rush - plus if you do karate or fencing or something even if you are outside the dojo or whatever you can practice moves and get better if you feel the urge to self harm.

You’ve got the entire of the summer to work on this - so find something you realy love that gives you a buzz and you can watch yourself get better at.

Yeah, I do try and exercise but the weather is bad at the moment and at the minute I’m finding I prefer to come on here, read or write.

Don’t know what I’m going to do while I’m in Africa, lol.

Whatever works for ya realy… Anything that takes you away from that. Just…. I dunno - don’t give up on yourself. These things take time. But try the exersising more too - apparently it can help an amazing amount.

Africa is a great place to discover yourself. The natural beauty, and the suffering of so many, will really help to change your prespective on life. You’ll come back a stronger person I’m sure, and the rest will follow :)

While there you will be helping people in need, and if that doesn’t make you feel good, nothing will! Your doing good, take heart! =)

Evening, You sound very familiar Anon. Do I know you? Shout me.

Yes you know me, quite well actually, lol.

I’m really hoping that going to Africa will make a difference and it will change a lot of things.

Anon,

I am not going to reveal you here. But many of us know who you are.
You made it an easy guess.

Let me be honest here.
I have been explicitly asked 3 times now to get involved in your posts.

I am quite busy. Here on Help.com but I also have a life, so I wasn’t really tempted to get involved.

Why? Because before reading anything myself I was already warned of this very stubborn girl.

But I also know that my friends asked me to help out because they ran out of options.
Not that I am some kind of wizard, but they thought that I could perhaps add something.

One of the reasons why I am on Help is to help people.
And I have a genuine care for every human being. So there I was.

In an afternoon we spoke for quite a while, no one else there, so I had the chance of getting to know you.

I saw an intelligent girl struggling with her problems.
But mostly I saw a girl constantly refusing to look at solutions.

A girl reaching out for help but refusing to take it.
That is annoying. And not only for me.

We spend time here in the hope to inspire people, to give advice and hope.
And when we see someone refusing constantly while she keeps asking for help and making posts over and over again, it just simply hurts.

What is going wrong here?

Do we say the wrong things?
Are you a hoax?
Don’t you understand it?
Or are you just plain stubborn?

Please give me that answer so we can start from that point.

You see, so many people here really want to help you but are getting frustrated that you are reluctant to take the advice.

You know what your problems are and you know who you can go to. Try talking to your Mum and sister; they might be able to help you. Some of us here know who you are and we really want to help you. You have actually improved from when you first came here. Before you were very quiet and you seemed very afraid. Why don’t you just try telling us what EXACTLY is bothering you? That way we can all help with the problem.

I’m not stubborn, just scared. But I suppose the fact that I’m scared is making me stubborn. I really don’t mean to make people frustrated with me, I know that everything you’re advising me to do is the right thing to do, but there’s always the thought of hurting the people around me that holds me back and stops me saying anything.

I don’t really know what is bothering me, if I did, I’d tell you. Ok, I’ll try … everybody I’ve trusted for the past 5 years (basically best friends) have dropped me like a brick as soon as a better option has come along or they don’t want to be my friend anymore, and half the time I don’t even get reasons, I’m just left. And the ones I have reasons for all basically blame it on me. I don’t really understand what I can do to keep my friends, if it’s the way I am that pushes them away in the first place.

I know that things I do go right, I acknowledge that, but the things that go wrong I focus on more. It’s like things going right is good but things going wrong is completely awful and totally my fault and then I just blame myself and won’t really listen to reason. Even though I know what everybody else is saying makes sense, I can keep thinking it, but it’s not going to help if I don’t believe it.

Start believing! No better advice than that.

I’m online now if you want to talk =)

Anon:

I’ve just read through your post and all the replies. So many users here are trying to help you…instead of finding reasons to alienate them, why not try to try some of the advice you’ve been given? Obviosly, you’re looking for help which is a step in the right direction but you can’t stop there. At 15, you have your entire life ahead of you…correct your situation now before it follows you throughout your life.

I’m not TRYING to alienate people. If I don’t take peoples advice it’s not because I don’t trust them or I don’t think their idea is good, I just don’t think it’s right for me right now, but I will get to the stage where I will take peoples advice. Just not right now.

I know how your feeling. Just take courage in that you are not alone in this, other people have been through it and come out the other end better people!
If you never feel down, you will never be able to really help others who are. I read a really interesting article called “The positive side of depression”, well worth a look :)
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellb…
That is the website for anyone who want it.

Whe your ready to take advice, we will be here waiting to give it :)

You are playing with dark thoughts, you are entertaining the devil and the all consuming fire will win.

Get serious if you want to win, don’t play with fire, don’t entertain the devil, don’t do his bidding.