I don’t know if your question was rhetoric, but I can say that yes you do think of your first love often throughout life. Though not always in a longing sense. Sometimes I think of mine in a “wonder what would have happened” thought or “they liked that” kind of way. As time passes those thoughts cease to be painful, but more nostalgic. I still think of my first love, but can no longer relate to them and or see myself together with them. Does it make me love them less? Not really. My emotion for them evolved into something like a scar. No longer painful, forever altering, sometimes un-noticed, but forever there.
I can say that in my personal experience, it was not the very first that I never forget, but there is one who still haunts me every now and again. She was one of my first. I wouldn’t say I had much of a relationship with her but I have never before or since had a woman make me that crazy.
Your mother is right, you will never forget the first person you felt deep love for.. however you can choose to be haunted by your past or grow and move on from your past…
I agree with Coastie,and nicely said BTW.I think what mom is saying that she will always be a part of you.and although you may think of her often,it will be less and less.In my case I look back and see the time and effort I wasted on a person who did not think of me as often or as fondly. Your going to be jUst fine.
i ask myself the same question, i really want to get over this girl, but only time will heal me i hope. I know i will never forget her as she was a great lesson, but **** she hurt me bad.. I don’t want the memory to haunt me forever.
I’m hoping you got that hurt out someway constructive? I’m not sure if your aware of this but not releasing,expressing it- it could carry over to other relationships.
Felicity-{KIMKRISS} wrote:
I’m hoping you got that hurt out someway constructive? I’m not sure if your aware of this but not releasing,expressing it- it could carry over to other relationships.
I don’t know who that was for, but if it was for me, well I learned a lot but I’m afraid to fall in love again because of how bad it feels. Today was the definite break up, we had taken a break for a bit over a week and things were terrible before that. So it’s been a long time of just being miserable.
Yes Tobee,It was meant for you.And Yes,its normal to be afraid and it’s also too soon to expect otherwise.I know since today was made definite it may seem like the worst thing but closure of any kind will bring a peace in itself.I’m not worried about you though,your coming along just fine,in fact better than most :D
Felicity-{KIMKRISS} wrote:
Yes Tobee,It was meant for you.And Yes,its normal to be afraid and it’s also too soon to expect otherwise.I know since today was made definite it may seem like the worst thing but closure of any kind will bring a peace in itself.I’m not worried about you though,your coming along just fine,in fact better than most :D
thank you, I’m trying my best. I had to study for an exam I have tomorrow, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that.. My mind is just somewhere else. But on the bright side, I can take the exam in august so things arn’t that bad if you think of it :) Its just hard to get used to not recieving the phone calls, hearing the i love yous, missing the hugging and cuddling and stuff.. Oh well, she wasnt the right one anyways, theres someone out there that can make me happy and if I was still with this girl, who knows? Maybe I would have met the perfect girl and let her walk by. Things have a weird way to turning better if you have hope for it. I do, I want to feel good. :)
I like your thinking,great minds think alike.lol. Oh yes the missing contact.I remember .When these thinfs happen tell yourself ‘This will pass.The more I talk to you I see you are a wonderful person with a big heart,maybe this will be a bleesing after all.
I just have a hard time trusting my reason over my feelings sometimes, and I get pretty down. It lasts for a couple hours, I usually go to the gym or do something when I feel down, but today was different. The shock of knowing its 100% over, no turning back… Its like I feel a loss of control. I just have to focus on me for a while, but I was alone before I met her, and now I’m alone again. She was my first everything. There is one thing that keeps me going and cheers me up though: the question “If I met the girl of my dreams in a month, what would I be doing different now?” Today I havn’t done much, but im planning on jumping into the shower, washing away all the bad feelings, just let them all out and come out a new man. I’m just looking for something though, some inspiration, some motivation.. I’m getting closer but I cant see it yet.
Understood.Its a time of being stuck in the middle.Your not where you were but at the same time your not where you want to be.I’m hoping your ‘allowing’ yourself to grieve cuz this is the time to do just that.Most I would steer from advising that but I see you will not allow yourself to wallow in it,by getting to the Gym and all.((HUGS)) to you my friend.Maybe it will be a good idea to make some plans ,just something to look forward to.Maybe something you couldn’t do because you were ‘tied down’.As for motivation and Inspiration try browsing some sites on the subject.The shower is one way,Upbeat music,dancing can be a good release too.Also I wonder if you have a faith? I like to recommend that first but so many take offense to it here.Either way you are in my prayers :)
Thank you so much for your support, I’m Jewish but it’s hard for me to find answers or guidance by praying. I have always had doubt about faith. I don’t believe there is nothing, but I don’t really know what I believe. It’s funny though, at the most desperate times I have found myself talking to “someone” before I fall asleep. Anyways, I am allowing myself to grieve, I promised myself I wouldnt hide any feelings and block them out anymore, I want everything, all my issues to be solved, not piled up. Now that I think about it though, it’s not that bad, it’s a change and change is hard to get used to. I just want to convince my feelings of all these words I say and I read. The logic is there, I can understand it well, but it doesn’t mean that I’m going to be feeling amazing in a second or two. It’s funny how the body takes time to get used to ones decisions. I am sad, I am feeling a bit lonely, but I can still smile because I know better times are ahead, I just hope those times don’t take too long to get here.
Ah, I love music, but the music I like the most is the one that she showed me, so it’s kind of tough to listen to it just to enjoy it.
Let me thank you again for your support, it really cheered me up and if you have time to keep on chatting here I’d appreciate it a lot. I want to know about faith, I was actually wondering today if I should join a study group or something.
Also, What you said about it being ‘final’, I like to think that ‘anything is possible’ because people change,things change.Just don’t hold your breath,LIVE while keeping the hope.And if it doesnt happen,maybe a new ,different, relationship will form between you 2…….Now i see your new reply,You are so welcome,really, most people aren’t so positive and level headed as yourself,so iTs my pleasure talking with you.I don’t know if you’ve been around here long but you could be a real asset to this community .and Yes, I thought about the ‘change’ too.Change can be very frightening to some.But again,Im not worried about you.I tell myself that change is always for the ‘better’ i could be wrong,have been wrong in fact but its all in perspective that gives hope.I hope that makes sense,sometimes i just babble and have a hard time to put things into words.lol.Ya know,I think thoughts that enter such as ‘Shoulds’ are our intuition or something attempting to move us forward.And since I’m a big fan Of the Big Guy Upstairs ,of course I will recommend developing a close relationship with him,can’t go wrong there :D and joining anything at this point will be beneficial but Fellowship I think is best cuz they ,for the most part ,have your best interest at heart.
I waited for her to change for over a year, she didn’t. I tried to fix things, gave my all, she didn’t. She was a great lesson in many things, and I am thankful for that but I decided I don’t want her in my life anymore. Someday we might be friends, never is a word that shouldn’t be used since the future is unknown to us, but right now I don’t want to know from her.
I joined a couple days ago and to be honest I have become kind of an addict to this site. I came here in a desperate search for support and I have had so much of it that I can’t say thanks enough.
The Big Guy Upstairs, I have a lot of respect for him but for some reason I feel like its unreal to think that there is someone. My thought of God is that he is everything, not someone. Does he have will? Does he have a plan? Wouldn’t that be giving him too many attributes like decision making? If he has to make a choice then he is saying no to something, and how can he say no? Hes everything! It’s a bit confusing for me since I am more a philosophy type of guy, I like understanding rationally. I can prove that there is one God by using reason, I just don’t know how to think of him. Maybe it’s because I don’t like to feel inferior.. I don’t really know.
Understood.About the relationship and God.I’m assuming these questions are retorical? In either case I respect it as well.
Oh, I’m not expecting anyone to have the answers to those questions, its something I have to find out by myself hehe. I just have to many questions, and to each answer, more questions come up!
I don’t know if i mentioned it here but ALL the answers are in the Bible :D
I think of my first love every once in a while. Time does diminish the hold, but those fleeting thoughts do come up. Oh mine was in high school and we were so cute. Then I went on with my life grew apart and on. I did find him in Classmates.com. And we talked forever and I told him how I loved him in high school. We contimplated meeting in Las Vegas, he’s married so it would have been a no brainer. I did not go and now I wonder what if? But I still think of him now and again.
My first love… No, I never have quite gotten over him, and no, I’ll never forget him. I don’t think about him as much as i did the first few months after it was over, and now, really, the only times I think about him is when it’s in comparison to my current love.
So, what I’m saying is, you’ll never forget them, its true, but you can get over them for the most part, and you DEFINITELY can move on. But try to learn your lesson from the hurt, and once you do, it goes away much quicker. That person didn’t come into your life for no reason, it was to teach you something, to help you become a better person because of their presence, and once you learn what that might’ve been, you’ll find that the pain isn’t quite as prominent anymore, and that its much easier to live your life without them.
Thats what I think, at least. =) ♥
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