friends help: Girlfriend and the vicious cycle. - Help.com

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Aw man my condolences for your situation, it sounds awful.

To me it sounds like you should not be in a relationship with her, at least until she sorts herself out with whatever issues she is going through. In terms of getting over her, I cannot provide to much advice really on the matter that I know works firsthand. I would maybe try to set down some ground rules though, as in try meeting up with her in groups of people as this would be less likely for anything to happen between the two of you.

You should maybe try to get her to see how much this is upsetting you. Do your best to get her to stop doing these things but remember that ultimately it is down to her. There is a strong possibility of her pushing you away and getting angry with you for bringing it up. If this does happen do not get angry back at her as this will just make things worse, just do your best to be there for her. Chances are there is a reason she is doing all of these things, perhaps she is unhappy about something.

Sorry, I’m kind of babbling here. I hope at least some of what I said helps.

Has she been getting any form of counselling? It sounds like she need more than just medication to me.

That can often be a problem, particularly with people such as this girl. If she feels that crying is a form of weakness than she will feel the same about counselling I would imagine. A lot of people have quite a taboo about going to seek professional help, they feel that it reflects negatively on their character.

I think you should talk to her about this and do your best to try to change her opinions on this matter. Explain that counselling is quite often far more effective than just taking medication for mental health problems. There is nothing to be ashamed of about going to a counsellor. These are the kind of points that you need to try to get her to see.

Perhaps if you could find an anonymous charity helpline for problems such as this then she might be more likely to ring them than going to talk to a counsellor face-to-face. This in turn may lead to her changing her opinions about getting professional help. Hell, even try to introduce her to this site. There are a lot of fantastic people here that would do their best to talk to her.

Did you say you guys are 15 years old? At 15, I had my head in books! How times have changed… :)

You seem like a very reasonable, sensitive, level-headed young person and I’m sorry to hear of your situation.

Right off the bat, I would strongly suggest that a romantic attachment to this girl is not a good idea. She sounds as though she needs to sort a few issues out before she gets involved with anybody again.

As for you and how to get over it, just know that you’re not doing her any favours by being with her - and certainly not yourself. She’s making excuses and taking the easy path by unleashing her negativity on you, and you’re standing there absorbing it all. She’s getting away with too much, and you’re taking it. She needs to take responsibility for her actions, and you need to stand up and be your own person. Life goes on and the heart heals itself if you allow it to.

And while you want to be a good friend to her, just be aware that her behaviour is going to be erratic, and possibly a little manipulative, if she is dabbling in drugs. So tread carefully. The last thing you need is to be dragged into damaging behaviours yourself.

Do her parents know what she’s up to? I bet they’d be pretty worried and would want to take steps toward helping her - after all, it’s their responsibility.

But it’s certainly a serious matter with drugs involved. I would suggest, as others here have, that she needs professional help. As much as you want to be there for her, it sounds as though it’s a situation that requires a trained expert to help solve. Do you have a school counsellor? Or some other adult you can trust who you can ask about it? There are anonymous helplines around too and, yes, this site as well…

If you do want to help your friend, it would be worth asking a proper counsellor for some advice - find a way to ease her into getting help, without it being too confronting. They might also be able to talk you through what you’re experiencing in all this as well. Best of luck.

Have You Tried An Intervention??

Whatever haapens…….you can’t be friends with someone that you know you can’t see with someone else….Trust me…I am 9 years into my “cycle” Mine just isn’t vicious. We love each other, are in love with each other, and we are each others can’t live with them, can’t live without them person. The relationship is awesome when it’s awesome and when it’s not…We give each other space. I still hurt over him and he still hurts over me….I don’t think that we will be seeing each other anymore so….this pain should have been over years ago…The longer that you hold on the longer it will take you to get over it.

Even if you show her this post it might help things. Getting things down in writing is a good way to communicate as it means that the other person cannot interrupt you and that you have time to think about what you want to say.

If she see’s everybodies reaction to this post it may help her. Not guaranteed to mind you, but it might.

You will come up against people like this many more times in your life I call them Energy Vampires they are nice people usually, but they suck you dry. Steer clear of the energy vampires.