When he is 18 he will have to deal with the consequences of his own actions. That is if you and your mom back off and let him:).
Ok but we cannot “Back off” because as of right now he is still under my mother’s roof and is not 18 years old yet. We do not want him to lead a life of crime and trouble
Before he hits 18, give him an ultimatium, either to stop doing what he’s doing, or he can leave when he’s 18. No roof. Mo bail. No nothing. If he doesn’t get it by that time, you have to be firm with him and show him the door.
Btw how old are you?
AnnetteCastro01260 wrote:
Ok but we cannot “Back off” because as of right now he is still under my mother’s roof and is not 18 years old yet. We do not want him to lead a life of crime and trouble
He is lucky to have you. Not everyone has someone who cares. Be careful not to care too much. It sounds like he has some of lifes lessons yet to be learned, and he won’t learn them if you protect him. It is better he makes his mistakes before he turns 18.
Hit him in the face with a big, smelly fish…tell him it may happen again.
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nicely put cole (and gonzo). Yep, same as soulrising’s suggestion. (believe it or not) he is a man now (ok 2 months from now) and he is in a rebellious/pretty messed up place right now. Youve really got to hope that Reality slappin him upside the head is gonna set him straight.
I am 22 years old and live on my own. So being that my mother is a single parent i try to help her out as much as i possibly can. Which is why I am asking for the help.
And My mother and I wanted walmart to press charges to teach him a lesson but they didnt and he keeps slipping by and not really getting into trouble for his actions. This is not because we are protecting him from being punished.
Is he too old to send to boot camp or something?
I hope this doesn’t offend you, but he sounds a lot like a couple of young teenagers I know. The main reason they seem to mess up is because they don’t feel listened too. Is everything ok with him? Do you know of anything that’s happened that can make him go off the rails a bit? When he acts like this I understand it will be very difficult to be patient, but is it possible to back off the dicipline a bit and talk to him? Or at least give him ONE person to talk to. He knows what’s going on in his head better then anyone, Iif you want to find out how to calm him down he’s got the answers. It needs to be in a situation where he feels able to talk though. Your mum naturally takes the dominant role, so could you bring yourself to be the person he can turn to? I’m not saying for a moment this could happen overnight or that it might work at all, but it might be soemthing to think about. Everything is worth a shot, just let him know you’re not giving up on him and no matter what he does he wont lose you both.
or you can ask him “why are you doing all of this, are you that bored?”
well after the walmart situation my mother was the one to disapline him and i was the cooler. I was the one to talk to him and find out why he did it. His answer for everything is that he was bored and wanted to see if he could get away with it. Then it was he forgot he put it in his pocket . For this one its because he was bored and had nothiing to do.
AnnetteCastro01260 wrote:
well after the walmart situation my mother was the one to disapline him and i was the cooler. I was the one to talk to him and find out why he did it. His answer for everything is that he was bored and wanted to see if he could get away with it. Then it was he forgot he put it in his pocket . For this one its because he was bored and had nothiing to do.
In that case, the fish and boot camp are sounding tempting :P That will keep him on his toes. Do you know if he has any ambitions? If his girlfriend is pregnant he needs to get more in his life, and quickly, even just a hobby would be good. If he gets bogged down with just a girlfriend, baby and the need for money it could get worse. Is there anything he’s really wanted to do that you can point him in the direction of?
Well he wants to go into the airforce after he gets out of high school next year. And we have been using that as a deterent but its not working. We told him this lifestyle will prevent him from going into the airforce and when we tell him he seems to get it through his hed but after a few weeks it seems to just slip from his memory.
I dont really think his girlfriend is pregnant. Because #1 every time im pregnant she thinks she is pregnant. I think she does it to kepp attention on herself. My brother went with her to planned parent hood to get the depo shot. But anything is possible so i am not ruling out the fact that she may be pregnant.
He is going to do what he is forced to do, nothing more. He is a 17 year old boy who uses the excuse that he is bored to steal from the local Walmart, @ 17. If he thinks his girlfriend is pregnant does that mean they will stop using protection, and possibly ensure this?
I dont know. He doesnt want kids yet.
ok, time for some psychology! Classical conditioning is typical “learning behaviour with a punishment or reward”, it’s alright for pidgeons playing pingpong but if the consequence is taken away, the behaviour is likely to stop. Sadly this related to everything that involves punish,ent, in the end people just try to avoid the punishment not changing because they want to.
On the other hand, there’s operant coniditong. This tends to stick around a bit longer because it’s all about doing soemthing to get a future thing, like eating healthy to live longer, continuing to gamble “because their time is coming soon” or… training to get into the airforce!
Basically, instead of using it as a deterant use it as a goal. Try giving him things to work for to get in the airforce, Health is a good thing, maybe get him something to start training. Even learning some of the basics would hold him in good stead.
AnnetteCastro01260 wrote:
I dont know. He doesnt want kids yet.
I would do some power sis talk asap before it is too late.
Believe me i have tried and truth betold he will talk to me more then mom but im telling you we have tried everything. Except Dr.Phil and bootcamp. We even got him in contact with a recruitor for the airforce and he has it all planned out. But he still continues to behave this way. We have punished him by not letting him get his driver license because we already know how he will be on the road and we even got him a beautiful classic ‘74 Vega to be his project car until he can get his license sohe has something to look forward to but he doesnt want it.
Do you have an aunt, uncle, grandma, someone he can visit during the summer for a few weeks? Somewhere in the country away from trouble? Can you and your mom keep him occupied as much as possible until he goes into the airforce or college, tech school, whatever?
Well 2 summers ago he was getting into trouble at school and so my mom sent him to live with his dad in the boondocks. As country as it could get and he got in even more trouble down there then he is here
like got into alcohol and drugs and girls…
AnnetteCastro01260 wrote:
like got into alcohol and drugs and girls…
Are you sure it wasn’t just the age, that he would find it wherever he looked? If you can keep him busy it is half the battle, does he have an apointment with a recruiter for the airforce?
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