friends help: Is she selfish?

autumn_mist

Is she selfish?

Ever since she lied to us about breaking up with her bf when in fact she was secretly back with him behind our back, my friend has changed (she ended up breaking up with the guy a second time anyways).

We were upset that she didn’t tell us the truth but moved on. Now, it looks like whenever she hangs out with us she either disses my friend and starts to copy my style. It’s as though the only reason why she hangs out with us is to make herself feel better.

For birthdays, she never gets us gifts (but spends loads of stuff on herself even though we end up getting her gifts).

She even prioritizes her other friends over us. (I.e. There was a special event going on in the city and my friend and I were planning to go shopping and attend the event but when we invited her, she said she wasn’t sure because she’d have to confirm with her friends first who were also going to the event. I thought it was really strange why she didn’t offer that we all go together like meet her friends as well and go to the event? Oh and I know her friends so I don’t see any excuse)

What’s going on? Is she really that “blind?” I’m sure she knows what she is doing. I feel like the only way for her to even appreciate us is to distant ourselves and then she will start questioning us why we don’t hang out anymore…so then when we do hang out…the vicious cycle starts all over again.

This girl really has some issues and both my friend feel so stupid to keep on trying to hold the friendship. What should I do?!?!

This open post was written 3 months ago | V/U/S: 206, 9, 7 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post autumn_mist may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. autumn_mist is a verified member, has been around for 3 months, 1 week and has 3 posts and 13 replies to their name.

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friends, Truth, City, birthday, girl, reason, friendship, Excuse, Cycle, upset, trust, confused (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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bobby brown 2 #
US | 3 months ago (7 minutes after post)

to me it sounds like she is just using u… when her friends ent about she will go hang out with you so she isn’t bored or anything. all ino is that if a person was like that and dissed my m8’s id tell that person 2 fo str8 away cus if they ent got the decentcy 2 b nice they ent worth havin as friends

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am_sk 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (7 minutes after post)

Is she really your friend? Friendship is a very precious gift…don’t waste it over someone like her.

Hi_Sai 20 #
Chicago, IL, US | 3 months ago (52 minutes after post)

Er…This is a tough one…

Now you’re making me feel bad!!!

I don’t like telling the truth to my friends about relationships because they freak out and it’s always when there commentary is the LAST thing I need.

I never get my friends gifts…(Well I make them presents…) because I can’t afford it…

BUT!!! If she needs to ask another friends permission to hang out with you guys that is NOT OKAY!

And copying your style is not cool.

Though, she may or may not be able to help being rude. Sometimes people don’t know what’s socially acceptable. (My best friend Anna is so rude and insulting! But it’s not because she’s trying to be mean! It’s just because she’s book smart and dumb in the social world…)

If you feel like the relationship is a waste of time, just drop it. I can see a trend in your times together and that’s not good.

Let her be for a while. Let her go. If you REALLY miss her then you’ll know.

But for now, drop her. She’s already forgetting you guys so return the favor.

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autumn_mist 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (1 hour, 9 minutes after post)

Sai_Pie wrote:
Er…This is a tough one…

Now you’re making me feel bad!!!

I don’t like telling the truth to my friends about relationships because they freak out and it’s always when there commentary is the LAST thing I need.

I never get my friends gifts…(Well I make them presents…) because I can’t afford it…

BUT!!! If she needs to ask another friends permission to hang out with you guys that is NOT OKAY!

And copying your style is not cool.

Though, she may or may not be able to help being rude. Sometimes people don’t know what’s socially acceptable. (My best friend Anna is so rude and insulting! But it’s not because she’s trying to be mean! It’s just because she’s book smart and dumb in the social world…)

If you feel like the relationship is a waste of time, just drop it. I can see a trend in your times together and that’s not good.

Let her be for a while. Let her go. If you REALLY miss her then you’ll know.

But for now, drop her. She’s already forgetting you guys so return the favor.

Thanks, you really put things in perspective. It may be because she is a book worm which is why she is so bad w/ peopl but she has lots of friends…. but none of them are close of friends like I thought we were to her….so she basically lost her two bestest friends that would always be there for her and help her out when she’d be crying over her bf.

autumn_mist 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (1 hour, 16 minutes after post)

autumn_mist wrote:

Sai_Pie wrote:
Er…This is a tough one…

Now you’re making me feel bad!!!

I don’t like telling the truth to my friends about relationships because they freak out and it’s always when there commentary is the LAST thing I need.

I never get my friends gifts…(Well I make them presents…) because I can’t afford it…

BUT!!! If she needs to ask another friends permission to hang out with you guys that is NOT OKAY!

And copying your style is not cool.

Though, she may or may not be able to help being rude. Sometimes people don’t know what’s socially acceptable. (My best friend Anna is so rude and insulting! But it’s not because she’s trying to be mean! It’s just because she’s book smart and dumb in the social world…)

If you feel like the relationship is a waste of time, just drop it. I can see a trend in your times together and that’s not good.

Let her be for a while. Let her go. If you REALLY miss her then you’ll know.

But for now, drop her. She’s already forgetting you guys so return the favor.

Thanks, you really put things in perspective. It may be because she is a book worm which is why she is so bad w/ peopl but she has lots of friends…. but none of them are close of friends like I thought we were to her….so she basically lost her two bestest friends that would always be there for her and help her out when she’d be crying over her bf.

Btw, at least you make them gifts! This girl spends so much on herself and when it comes to say paying lunch for her 2 gfs (which I always offer to do because I love my gfs so much), she becomes all stingy on spending on other people! (She has a stable job too…)

ladiegol 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (23 hours, 34 minutes after post)

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no doubt in my mind she is very selfish!!!!!!!!

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cubanbabe9 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (1 day, 15 hours after post)

go and get a new friend shes not worth having as a friend…she is so selfish!!!

Help me with: what should i do

chane #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 1 week ago (1 month, 3 weeks after post)

she not your friend at all she’s all about her self nobody else in other words yea she’s a selfish ***** sorry to say but baby you can do bad all by your self, she bleed on a mouth just like you she can’t do **** for you. but if you feel like that your only true friend then let her go and see where yall really stand you will know

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hey.myfriend 0 #
An Unknown Location | 7 hours, 8 minutes ago (3 months after post)

Sounds like she is not only selfish, I think she is also using you guys - she only takes, but doesn’t give. Seems that it’s a one-way street relationship that you are in…you’ll never win in this kind of relationship - you already spotted the symptoms, e.g. “when we do hang out…the vicious cycle starts all over again”

You guys treat her as a friend (care about her, let her to cry on, include her in activities….) AND she knows…that’s why she keeps coming back to you. Sooo…NO, she is not “blind” at all…she knows you are good and there is always something for her to take (including the things that she can learn from you or copy you)…she is taking advantage of the true friendship that you are giving her!

For someone who is selfish and uses you, it means that she simply doesn’t take the nice things that you do for her as gifts which she should appreciate/feel grateful for and looks for opportunities to do something nice in return, but takes it as a situation to take advantage of instead. You can tell by her actions (which you listed some in your post.)

What I learned from my experience is - what matters is how the person treats you, but not what the person tells you! There could be many reasons why one or we don’t share something with others or we share certain things with certain people. However, when someone tells you everything/all the secrets, it doesn’t mean that she is nice to you or treats you as a friend (e.g. she only satisfies her own needs because she needs someone to listen to her and comfort her).

Therefore, when your friend didn’t tell you about getting back with her boyfriend etc, I would say that she could be excused in a way. However, I think there is no excuse for her not to buy you birthday gifts back, prioritize her other friends over you…etc. Judging by what she has done, you can tell that she is not treating you guys as friends.

As for not inviting you to meet her friends - Since you said that she starts to copy you, this means that she thinks you are better than her. I guess that’s why she doesn’t want you to meet her friends because she feels insecure!

If you don’t see much friendship from her, don’t waste any more time on her and invest your time, good heart, kindness…in someone else who is worth to be your friend!

Sounds like she is not only selfish, I think she is also using you guys - she only takes, but doesn't give.  Seems that it's a one-way street relationship that you are in...you'll never win in this kind of relationship - you already spotted the symptoms, e.g. "when we do hang out…the vicious cycle starts all over again"

You guys treat her as a friend (care about her, let her to cry on, include her in activities....) AND she knows...that's why she keeps coming back to you.  Sooo...NO, she is not "blind" at all...she knows you are good and there is always something for her to take (including the things that she can learn from you or copy you)...she is taking advantage of the true friendship that you are giving her!

For someone who is selfish and uses you, it means that she simply doesn't take the nice things that you do for her as gifts which she should appreciate/feel grateful for and looks for opportunities to do something nice in return, but takes it as a situation to take advantage of instead.  You can tell by her actions (which you listed some in your post.)

What I learned from my experience is - what matters is how the person treats you, but not what the person tells you!  There could be many reasons why one or we don't share something with others or we share certain things with certain people.  However, when someone tells you everything/all the secrets, it doesn't mean that she is nice to you or treats you as a friend (e.g. she only satisfies her own needs because she needs someone to listen to her and comfort her).

Therefore, when your friend didn't tell you about getting back with her boyfriend etc, I would say that she could be excused in a way.  However, I think there is no excuse for her not to buy you birthday gifts back, prioritize her other friends over you...etc.  Judging by what she has done, you can tell that she is not treating you guys as friends.

As for not inviting you to meet her friends - Since you said that she starts to copy you, this means that she thinks you are better than her.  I guess that's why she doesn't want you to meet her friends because she feels insecure!

If you don't see much friendship from her, don't waste any more time on her and invest your time, good heart, kindness...in someone else who is worth to be your friend!

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