I worry about things I can not control! I get lots of anxiety because I imagine everyone I love dieing. I try so hard not to do it but I can’t help it. I’ve lost sooooo many friends, maybe that’s why I do it. Maybe its not the same as what you are going through, I just thought I would share.
Just everything…I used to worry about that but i got over it and realised how irrational it was.
But now I’m sorting out relationships, debts, conflicts, routines…and all for other people.
My own lifes fine…yet i spend it taking care of everyone else. I do the cooking and shopping and all sorts…
The thing is, nobody really does anything for me in return. I feel a bit trampled on.
I feel guilty even thinking about doing things for myself. I feel selfish.
♥Rαvεr♥ wrote:
Just everything…I used to worry about that but i got over it and realised how irrational it was.But now I’m sorting out relationships, debts, conflicts, routines…and all for other people. My own lifes fine…yet i spend it taking care of everyone else. I do the cooking and shopping and all sorts…The thing is, nobody really does anything for me in return. I feel a bit trampled on.I feel guilty even thinking about doing things for myself. I feel selfish.
first of all i dont think you should do everything , if the other ppl have hands and feet than i think they should do there own shopping and stuff , if they dont have hands than i guess you should do it instead of them , am saying if they can do it themselves and dont have any kind of disability , than let them move there az , tell them you are done sorry but am not doing this no more…
you shouldn’t feel guilty. you HAVE to put your own needs first, otherwise you will never truly be happy. and it’s unfortunate that most of the time, people do not give the same in return. i have always felt like that. i go out of my way to make other people feel special, i think sometimes it would be nice if someone did that for me. after a while, taking on other people’s problems can REALLY get to you. maybe you should take a break and not be sooo involved. spend some time doing something for yoursekf. you deserve to be happy, REALLY you should never feel guilty about putting yourself first
I try but i feel guilty. And my dad acts like a spoiled brat because he gives me a lift once a week so he thinks i ‘owe’ him or something.
Even though i do dinner like 4/5 times a week.
And thats aswell as my 40hour a week job (thats not including when i do overtime) and my 16hours a week Uni course that i’m seriously not spending enough time on because of everything.
I do think of myself and i do put myself first most of the time. But i just feel so selfish if i stop doing these things because it will all get left to my mom who also works over 40hours a week.
My fat lazy dad and brother who only go to school or work less than 25hours a week don’t do ONE SINGLE THING. And it drives me mad.
I’ve tried talking to them for years, tried drawing up a rota so its all equal. But no..they just sit and eat and watch tv or play on pc games all day and leave it.
well if you can afford living outside stop doing dinner for them , they wont starve to death believe it or not , when they see that nobody is there to make them dinner they will move there fat az ^_^
Thats not the problem though…
I’d happily just stop doing things like dinner & shoppping. But if i don’t do it..my mom will and my mom suffers with depression. So she will be overworked…
the way i see it is its either her or me..and i’m not really depressed..so i figure it should be me.
well ur taking the bullet for ur mom than… you can always make them dinner that they dont like and wont eat lol :D ^_^ maybe they will start to eat from Macdonal or something :P
Then they’ll be even more obese and do even less…and they have debt problems too. So my mom will have to deal with even more money worries. There meant to be cutting back.
Me & MrRaver already pay for all our own food and stuff and pay rent on top of that too.
what does ur father pay for exactly ^_^
He ‘contributes’ towards the household. My mom has all his money but he spends all sorts ANYWAY. And he’s on a really crap job/wage SIMPLY because its less hours and less stressful.
Yet my mom has stress and depression but has to do 40hours to keep us going. So my dad should make an effort too.
does talking with him work ?
Maybe you could just cook for your mom, and Andy and yourself Raver. Tell your brother and dad, you feel they should contribute some effort in the home. I hate when I feel taken advantage of.
For instance when we go boating, I expect help to load it, and then when we get back it needs to be cleaned and restocked. If they show up for the trip, its not just all fun and games. Its work too.
Its been like it for years. I used to do every single piece of housework but i’ve give up most of that now because i was just doing everything and that wasn’t fair.
I cant talk to my dad because he doesn’t listen or care. He really does act like a child. I say things to him, i’ve tried talking not nagging. Writing him letters. Nothing works.
And then if he makes dinner.. like for example this month he’s made it ONCE. He’s really pleased and so we thank him and act really grateful…but like…he then thinks everyone owes him and that he’s some kind of brilliant person!
My little brother follows in his footsteps. Although he is just as lazy i don’t want to blame him as much because look at the example he’s got?
They are both just lazy and self centred and its not fair.
I need a lift of my dad once a week. If i stop doing something i’m doing-he will not give me a lift. And i need this lift to get to work. So its important…i just fel so stuck.
maybe for now you should take the **** , maybe when life gives you more choices , you do the opposite , cause the way it seem no matter if you wana hurt them to awake them you will hurt ourself and ur mother so i guess it’s better to hold on for now
Is there a friend or maybe a place where folks share rides. Can you post a notice? In my town, on our public radio station the have a ride board. People list their travel plans. Leaving for Calif, on the 24th till the 8th, shared driving, cost of gas and companionship. People even share trips to Salt Lake. Cosco runs and even trips to Wyoming to bootleg real beer! Its all 3.2 beer in Utah. So we make runs for the real thing!
lol. I don’t think i could. no one leaves at the same time as me or lives near me :(
well ur super cute and smart so stop worrying
Being super cute and smart doesnt solve my problems but thankyou i appreciate the compliments.
Weed doesn’t solve anything either plus i’m not really into drugs
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yeh weed is not going to solve anyone’s problems! (there was no brilliance in that one!) anyway, you sound kind of stuck. it seems that most of your options to get you out of this will effect your mom, which your obviously trying to avoid. if your dad really does not listen , something’s gotta make him see whats going on.
i would make dinner for everyone except your dad. depending on how old your brother is. if he’s old enough to know better, then don’t make it for him too.
maybe if he goes hungry or has to cook for himself a few nights, he’ll start to realize that what he’s doing is completely unfair.
it sounds like they don’t do anything because they KNOW you will take care of it. they need to know that it is a two-way street and you are not anyone’s maid.
as for you needing a ride once a week, maybe paying the money for a taxi would be worth not having to have it thrown in your face! giving someone a ride once a week is no major task. you are his daughter and you should owe him NOTHING! plus it sounds like you make up for it all anyway with everything you do.
Thankyou. I’m pleased you can see it too. Makes me feel less alone.
I cant really afford much, so getting the taxi wouldn’t be good. I mean i can walk when its sunny but i’m in the UK and thats not really too often lol.
I just feel so guilty if i don’t cook for him and my brother…I don’t know why but i just cant help feeling guilty. And i don’t know if its worth it or not.
If i don’t do it i will feel guilty and they will probably moan…
ok! i would like to hear you moan! but not if you your fealing guilty! any ways you should worry aboout your own problems first. you not a super hero where you need to take on problems that dont belong to you! anyways i know how it feel! but if you someone to take you mind away from all your prpblems for a while go ahead and hit me up at i> small>(email removed) /small> /i> or im at www.myspace.com/raulcarreon69
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i agree with raulcarreon6-you are not a superhero and should not take on other people’s problems. it sounds like you fell into the role of taking care of everyone else. i totally understand that you will feel guilty if you just ’stop’ doing that. i’ve been through that, you start to realize that other people may need you (or your help) more than you need them! i think first, you should be grateful that you have the strength and ability to do so much. and then…
i think you should find some balance. find something you can do for yourself everyday. i want to tell you to keep expressing your feelings to your bro and father. maybe…they will start to hear you.
as for doing something for yourself, it may sound silly, but i think you should set a little time aside and do something to relax or make you happy. and…if one day you don’t have time or you don’t feel up to it, don’t cook. i think they need to know that responsibilities should be equally shared.
i wish i could give you more advice! just remember, that if you are unhappy, its hard for the people that love you to be unhappy! that’s why (as hard as it is sometimes) we should always put ourselves first.
I feel like i don’t know what to do now…I guess I don’t know what to do for myself. I’m not really used to it.
Last night was nice…i did cook though..again..but it was nice because I said to them before, I’m going to cook a nice big meal for us all so would you clean up afterwards..and to be fair my dad did. Its a little step i guess. Saved my mom from doing it.
Thanks for all your help guys. I really appreciate the help and i’ve woke up in a really positive mood today, think i’m going to watch a film or something tonight because i haven’t seen a film in ages. Thanks again I really love you all for being there for me. xx
yay!* :)cleaning up is a big start! that’s what you should do, demand(in a nice-even manipulative way) help…
maybe even taking a bubble bath with lots of girly stuff. you’re never too old for that! and of course bring some music into the bathroom! i never take the time out to do that, so when i do, i love it!
like i said, doesn’t have to be anything major, just do SOMETHING,ANYTHING, for just you….
Thanks…i feel really good now. I might ask my bf to set my old stereo up or something.
Thanks for being so supportive. I owe you one
sorry i can’t help you with this because i’m suffering from the same problem now :(
When I am stressed, i get a knife, a piece of fruit, and totally destroy it on the kitchen table. melons are the best, cos’ you can draw faces on them. try it!:)
haha, sounds like a good idea. I might try it next time I want to release some frustration. - Ell.
unless ther is somthing spesific bodering you,you should just relax and realize that it’s a small problem and it’s nothing to worri about but the key is to realy “realize” that it’s small
Ah thats one of my other problems, if something is making me feel this way, its big enough to be bothersome and be a big problem to me.
I find it hard to take my mind off things.
you just need to relax…can you give me an example of your problim??
When I am stressed, i get a knife, a piece of fruit, and totally destroy it on the kitchen table. melons are the best, cos’ you can draw faces on them. try it!:)
melkman198 wrote:
you just need to relax…can you give me an example of your problim??
there are lots really…one is I just feel down for no reason and then i’m obsessed with knowing what everyone is doing and stuff like that..Its hard to explain.
Reassurance makes me happy and I don’t get much of it.
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