Love help: To anyone who’s parents are going through a divorce, I hope this helps.

*Kayla*

To anyone who’s parents are going through a divorce, I hope this helps.

Well, first I should probably give you my story, so I can then give you my new outlook on life. When I was 17 years old, my dad told my mom that he had found another woman that he had grown “passionately close” to and he wanted to start a new family with her. It took about 10 minutes for my life to crumble before my eyes. I was a senior in high school at the time and my parents are well known in our town ( my father is the owner of 2 golf courses in PA, and my mom is a real estate agent) so when word got out that my dad “cheated” on my mom, and my mom was a wreck, people knew about it and I was made fun of at school. I can’t even tell you how many rumors went around school, that my dad left for my best friend’s mom, that my mom was having a breakdown and she resorted to drug use, that he cheated with this “mystery” woman in our own home. It was the worst year of my life. So, my mom moved out and I had to stay with my dad and finish out the school year. I must note that my father cheated on my mom with our maid Maria, who moved in right after my mom moved out ( try having to live with the reason your life was Hell, it didnt go well)Anyway, I finished out the school year and decided to move to Sicily to attend Culinary Arts School. and that’s where I’m at right now.

So you’ve heard the bad part, but there is a good part to all of this. Throughout the entire thing I had to grow up really fast. My brother is in the Army and he was deployed to Iraq a month before the divorce was filed, and I had to be there for my mom and younger sister. I found that through all of the depression and dread of going to school, I came out a stronger and more knowledgeable young woman. I have thought a lot about the situation, and while I havent come to terms with my dad’s decision, it has raised a few questions about why people do what they do. For instance, if you love someone passionately enough to be with then for 16 years, how does it all change in 6 months(Maria), to where you are getting a divorce? I am a firm believer that if you are really in love with someone ,you can’t possibly fall out of love with them. its kind of like “you don’t know what you got, till its gone”. Also, I didnt understand how my dad could fall in love with someone else so fast. Maria moved in right after my mom left. she MOVED IN! Thats a big step. ( did I mention that they are now getting married) but, through all of this thinking I have done, I realized that you never really know what going on until it hits you right in the face. I know it sound funny, but i had no idea what was going on, ever! I thought i had a perfect family.

So if I can offer any advice, it would be that you should never assume that what you have is going to be there forever. Never take anything for granted. Love with everything you have, and if you have a great family , hold on to it. To any kids out there that are going through the same thing, don’t worry it will get better. I know it’s hard to see it now, but you have your own life, live it, and dont allow your parents destroy it with their problems. I’m here if you need anything. Also, if you are going through a similar problem, it does help to write it down ( thank you wayneandc:) . Sometime your emotions run wild, and you can’t put them to words, so try writing how you feel before you say it, trust me it helps. Good Luck.

This open post was written 4 years, 10 months ago | V/U/S: 4,460, 15, 12 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post *Kayla* may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. *Kayla* is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 10 months and has 14 posts and 315 replies to their name.

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*Kayla* edited this post 4 years, 10 months ago. Read the previous text »

To anyone who’s parents are going through a divorce, I hope this helps.

Well, first I should probably give you my story, so I can then give you my new outlook on life. When I was 17 years old, my dad told my mom that he had found another woman that he had grown “passionately close” to and he wanted to start a new family with her. It took about 10 minutes for my life to crumble before my eyes. I was a senior in high school at the time and my parents are well known in our town ( my father is the owner of 2 golf courses in PA, and my mom is a real estate agent) so when word got out that my dad “cheated” on my mom, and my mom was a wreck, people knew about it and I was made fun of at school. I can’t even tell you how many rumors went around school, that my dad left for my best friend’s mom, that my mom was having a breakdown and she resorted to drug use, that he cheated with this “mystery” woman in our own home. It was the worst year of my life. So, my mom moved out and I had to stay with my dad and finish out the school year. I must note that my father cheated on my mom woth our maid Maria, who moved in right after my mom moved out ( try having to live with the reason your life was Hell, it didnt go well)Anyway, I finished out the school year and decided to move to Sicily to attend Culinary Arts School. and that’s where I’m at right now.

So you’ve heard the bad part, but there is a good part to all of this. Throughout the entire thing I had to grow up really fast. My brother is in the Army and he was deployed to Iraq a month before the divorce was filed, and I had to be there for my mom and younger sister. I found that through all of the depression and dread of going to school, I came out a stronger and more knowledgeable young woman. I have thought a lot about the situation, and while I havent come to terms with my dad’s decision, it has raised a few questions about why people do what they do. For instance, if you love someone passionately enough to be with then for 16 years, how does it all change in 6 months(Maria), to where you are getting a divorce? I am a firm believer that if you are really in love with someone ,you can’t possibly fall out of love with them. its kind of like “you don’t know what you got, till its gone”. Also, I didnt understand how my dad could fall in love with someone else so fast. Maria moved in right after my mom left. she MOVED IN! Thats a big step. ( did I mention that they are now getting married) but, through all of this thinking I have done, I realized that you never really know what going on until it hits you right in the face. I know it sound funny, but i had no idea what was going on, ever! I thought i had a perfect family.

So if I can offer any advice, it would be that you should never assume that what you have is going to be there forever. Never take anything for granted. Love with everything you have, and if you have a great family , hold on to it. To any kids out there that are going through the same thing, don’t worry it will get better. I know it’s hard to see it now, but you have your own life, live it, and dont allow your parents destroy it with their problems. I’m here if you need anything. Also, if you are going through a similar problem, it does help to write it down ( thank you wayneandc:) . Sometime your emotions run wild, and you can’t put them to words, so try writing how you feel before you say it, trust me it helps. Good Luck.

Help me with: A Day of Remembrance : 9/11

*Kayla* invited 1 user to read this post 4 years, 10 months ago.

Help me with: A Day of Remembrance : 9/11

snowflake048 1 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 10 months ago (1 hour after post)

Kayla, my parents divorced when I was 7 years old. I am now 22. I wanted to tell you how wonderful your post was…that really would have helped me when I was going through everything. My father worked for an airlines and had an affair with a lady who worked at a rental car place in the airport. I was lucky, they ended up not being together forever. I count my blessings that I’ve never run into her, because it wouldn’t be pretty, and I give you much praise for being able to live with your father and his new fiance. I too believe that if you really and truly love someone then you will continue to love that person forever. The sad thing is that people change, situations change and it can sometimes get the best of us. It is probable that there were aspects of your parents relationship that you didn’t know about…good things and bad things. Regardless, I commend you for being so incredibly strong through such a rough situation. I never regret living through what I did because it made me so much of a better person. It does require you to grow up a little sooner than what’s ideal, but it opens your eyes to a whole new world. A world where you appreciate everything around you, a world where true love is the most extraordinary thing out there, and a world which will eventually lead you to a greater level of happiness even if searching for it might be a little more daunting. My mom should have known better than to get involved with my father in the first place, but she was blinded and now I won’t be. We learn from the mistakes of others, and if all children of divorced parents learned to not make the mistakes of their parents, imagine how amazing this world will be when it’s our turn.

Help me with: Russia Vs Georgia.

Namaste` 13 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 10 months ago (1 hour, 29 minutes after post)

It really seams you are ready to move on after all of this Karla, its amazing how we can look at things so differently when we discuss our probs. My parents also got divorced when i was a teenager, although it was my mum that ran off, i really struggled with this for a while, unfortunately because i was a closed book and really didnt discuss my feelings, huge mistake. I feel by talking about our probs its almost like an affirmation to ourselves and this allows us realise we need to ever change our perseption or procedure on a circumstance. Well done again for helping good post and good topic.

Help me with: EXCHANGE OF WEALTH ……….

*Kayla* 2 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 10 months ago (2 hours, 19 minutes after post)

Thanks snowflake, I agree people do change and situations change as well. It is unfortunate that circumstances ended up the way they did, but I have grown from it. And yes, at least I know how to identify a “cheater” now. Wayne, Absolutely, talking about our problems is the best way to solve them. I think that by leaving our problems to ourselves only confuses us more because we feel like we’re alone, and emotions get bottled up. When really, no one is ever alone in a situation and talking about it only confirms this point. thanks for all the help guys.

Help me with: A Day of Remembrance : 9/11

kmichelle 6 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 10 months ago (2 hours, 28 minutes after post)

Whats funny, is that’s pretty much my same situation, except my mother left my father. They were together 16 years, and then she found a guy at work and decided that he was better than my father. His name is Roy. She’s been dating him since before they even got a divorce.

Basically, what I’m saying is that I’m slowly learning this too, as now I’m living with my dad and I have to be the woman of the household at 16 to take care of my two little brothers, and my disabled father.
So thank you for confirming what I’m already learning and growing through, and thnak you for helping out in a post instead of asking for it.

Thank you. ♥

Help me with: I need help figuring out what I want.

Tzubake 1 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 7 months ago (2 months, 2 weeks after post)

I’m pissed at myself that I never got a chance or read this earlier Kayla. All I have to say is that everything you said really touched me and I appreciate that you even felt the way you did here in this post. I know it’s been over two months since you posted this, but still those feelings were real and you know I pretty much feel the same way about everything you’ve said. The only way I can describe it is that I love what you’ve said here, and I’m upset that I didn’t read this sooner.

Help me with: Update on my absence

*Kayla* 2 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 7 months ago (2 months, 2 weeks after post)

aww, thanks Evan. yeah, I’m kinda grateful that I can see the good side to all of this. Because I’d probably be realy depressed by now. Yeah, the feelings were pretty real but it has helped me become who I am today. Dont be upset, seriously its no big deal. I’m just glad some people could relate.

Help me with: A Day of Remembrance : 9/11

VoiceOfReason1 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 1 month ago (9 months after post)

Hi Kayla. I cant believe how similar our stories are. My name is Kayla too and I am 17 years old. My dad fell in love with another women also and wants to get a divorce but hasnt told my mom yet. My mom has suspected that hes been cheating on her so shes been so depressed lately- its been so hard for me to keep this all a secret. I have two younger brothers and one younger sister and I dont want to lose them. I’ve been so upset lately and I cant believe how one day we are a perfect family and the next everything has changed. Its been so hard for me and I’ve cried myself to sleep every night. I just wanted to tell you that your story truly helped. Im so scared and I feel a lot better knowing that theres so many other people going through the same thing. I know help is out there and I really appreciate it. So I just wanted to say thank you for giving me motivation to move on. I know this is like 9 months later but people are still reading your post and its helping people…like me. So thank you :)

raton101 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 years, 9 months ago (1 year, 1 month after post)

let me tell you, i am 43 and just found out my dad is cheating on my mom and she does not know. i caught him, and he told me he wants to divorce my mom. i thought i was one of the lucky ones, 43 and parents happily married, we still took family vacations with my husband and bother also. this has rocked my foundation. it does not get easier as one gets older but harder as you have only known true happiness all your life and thought your parents would be together for ever. they have been married 45 years and this will kill my mom. i guess i just needed to vent. i found this out 4 days ago and have been a zombie every since. kayla, your words were even helpful for me. with thanks,

naomi199 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 11 months ago (1 year, 11 months after post)

My Mum and Dad spilt when i was 9. My dad had been cheating on my mum with the person who he is now married to. It really makes me angry when i have to go over to his house and she is trying to be all nice and stuff. However i can not get past the mental block — she was the one who split my parents. I know it was my dad as well but i don’t want to dislike my dad even if he is uncool!! It has been 5 years now since that happend but last year my mum got re-maried. He was living with us for about 9 months before and he was ok — not that bad however he was very boring!! This year at easter not even a year since they got married my mum had to go to the police to get him taken away… she said she could take no more and neather could I. My mum went to the station and told them what he was like: controling, underminding, grumpy, boring!, nice one minute and nasty the next. The police told my mum this was mental abuse. He had to be taken away and he is now not living with us — It is much better for me but my mum is really upset, the texts and memorys come back to her all the time. I really don’t know how to comfort her. She says she is ok but she is bringing up me and my 10 year old brother with no one to give her any suport. I almost feel i need to do more but what can I do? Reading your story made me realise that things will get better i just need to be positive and look at the good that will come out of this and as you said you become stronger and have to grow up so quickly!! xx

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sroshni9 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 5 months ago (2 years, 4 months after post)

i am from mauritius….
as a student in BA communication , i feel an urge to know things…
i really like this post, the way u describe it all….. i salute your courage…
roshni….

This account has been deactivated.

prettypink139 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (3 years, 9 months after post)

I don’t even really know where to begin. My parents have been through quite a lot, but these last 2 years have been completely horrible. The guy she talks to now, is someone that she has been caught texting inappropriate things to before. Just recently she went on a class reunion trip, and this was someone who she had went to school with when she was younger. In all of the pictures they were together, and even had one of her sitting in his lap. My mom is obviously not very good at covering up her tracks because even my 12 year old brother figured it all out. How I connected all of the pieces between her talking on the phone to another guy all the time, and texting someone all the time was a way she shouldn’t have been so ignorant to leave up. Just yesterday i fell asleep for a short nap, and then i woke up and wanted to get on my laptop since there’s nothing else to do, she left up pages of stuff she had searched. She had a whole bunch of pages on prices of airline tickets to different places in Georgia from where we lived, she had even searched directions and the distance if she drove. So i went and looked at this guys page that i had been suspicious of and sure enough he lived just where she was searching. She even put in specific dates.. Knowing that my mom would either end it with my dad in June or lie about something made me sick to my stomach! My parents have been together for 11 years. Yes he is my step dad but he has raised me since i was about 5, because my real dad passed away in a motor vehicle accident. I am 3 months shy of 16. I am not exactly sure how I am going to cope with all of this. My parents have not talked about divorce quite yet but my mom has actually asked my 12 year old brother how he would feel if they got a divorce. She has also told me she isn’t happy. My brother just told my dad last night so I am sure the real arguing hasn’t even begun.

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dietdew_1 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 1 week ago (3 years, 11 months after post)

Hi I’m Lauren and I’m 16!! I just found out about 2 or 3 months ago that my parents are getting divorced!!
I knew they had problems but I didn’t think out of all the people in the world that they would be ones who
could get a divorce!! Just like you I thought everything was perfect but now it’s not and I’ve been very
upset!! Now, I found out my mom is talking to a guy on the Internet and my parents aren’t even legally
divorced yet!! I know she should be happy but I’m very angry, it’s just too soon!! I’ve tried talking to her but
she won’t listen!! Please help, advice is appreciated!! Thanks!!

lily_mccorma #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (4 years, 6 months after post)

This is kinda weird and hard for me right now but my parents just broke the news to me and my two older sisters that they are splitting up because my mum (who is 45 years old.) was having an affair with a younger man for 6 weeks. Me and my sister did not take it well at all and I’m a real mummies girl and I love my mum to death. Seriously when I heard that they were getting a divorce my whole heart just felt like it stopped. All the memories I had with us a family came rushing back and I broke down in tears. I’m still crying right now. It’s just something the mum and love and trust would never ever do. My dad is really heart broken and its so hard to see him like this and my mum is like a complete stranger ever since she has started taking these anti depressing pills 7 weeks ago. I seriously thought the lady sitting In front of me was not my mother. We told her we are scared its the pills she’s been taking but she keeps denying it. She even said right infront of dad that she hasn’t loved him at all for a very long time. I could see his face drop. She keeps saying us girls are the most important thing and that nothing would ever change that.
The fact that she was willing to drop everything, her loving and caring husband of 24 years, her 3 daughters and her carrier that she loves. Just for a guy she met 6 weeks ago?? This is why we think she needs help.

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