Love help: Hi, my girlfriend and I have been together over two years.

jayb_11

Hi, my girlfriend and I have been together over two years.

(Well, we’ve had a couple of breakups but never very long, only a few months)

The problem is i don’t know whether i can trust her. The breakups we’ve had are because she has cheated and done things behind my back. Shes never actually had sex with someone else (i dont think) but there have been a few kissing incidents and the last one was on new years eve she went to a party and got really drunk and ended up giving oral sex to some random guy, she also said some really hurtful things like she was only with me cause i was good in bed (altohugh some might say thats a good thing lol). I ended it as soon as i found out about this, but i really love her and i found it really hard not being with her. We started meeting up as friends again at the end of april and she asked me to be with her again and i said i would.

I still end up with sleepless nights thinking about the past, waht happened on new years and previous incidents etc and i can’t help but worry something else might happen.

I want to know how i can get over the things that happened and how can i learn to trust her. I’d never really been firm or tough with her about anything until after new year when i left her. Maybe its made her realize im less of a pansy than i used to be?

Im just not sure what to think really.

I’ve always been really kind to her and tried to be the best boyfriend i could be, i’ve done so much for her and i dont want it to all be in vein really.

Thank you for listening to my little story :)

This open post was written 1 year, 4 months ago | V/U/S: 655, 10, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post jayb_11 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. jayb_11 is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 4 months and has 1 posts and 1 replies to their name.

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New Year, sex, Year, eve, trust, friends, Love, April, kiss, randomness, cheating (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (10)

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live.enjoylife 31 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (22 minutes after post)

well - you really have to make a decision.

either you forgive her - which means, you have to leave it behind.

or you don’t - which means you have to leave Her behind.

if you are having trouble with forgiveness, seek help with that. (for me, joyce meyer at joyce meyer dot org has tons of resources/books/cds on forgiving/working to forgive,etc).

I know what you mean regarding forgiving being tough. It is for me. What helps me is when i think about how much stuff III need to be forgiven for/need to have mercy for….

so look in your heart and see. if you cant have peace with her you prob need to move on. or else change.

sorry if that didnt help! but - well ….you kinda have a choice…

Help me with: THIS IS FOR SOULsaver

Sherooo 7 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (22 minutes after post)

wow. it seems uve been really screwed over by this girl.

if u want it to work, ur gonna have to put these doubts behind you.
but i always say, if u have any doubts at all, you shouldnt be in that relationship. might not apply to you though.

live.enjoylife 31 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (23 minutes after post)

by the way.
repairing broken trust — takes time.

sheroo - i always have doubts! isnt there always doubts? i mean - not regarding trust issues, but now and then?…oh well, maybe just me!

anyway - will take time.

Help me with: THIS IS FOR SOULsaver

Sherooo 7 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (25 minutes after post)

yeah true… but after cheating? i dont know.. i cud never forgive that.

live.enjoylife 31 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (27 minutes after post)

i think it would be hard for me to get over that.

not sure i’d want to — i forget — you sound like its happened more than once??? if that is the case, yeah move on. thats awful.
sounds like she avoids intimacy with making her guy feel bad by stepping out.
i dunno.
she sounds not so….well, wouldnt be so relaxing/safe/fun to be with her.

but you never know - people change.

bottom line dude: if you cant have peace with her, move on.
you sound like a nice guy. maybe wanna find a nice girl…

Help me with: THIS IS FOR SOULsaver

jayb_11 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (37 minutes after post)

Thanks for your help guys :)

She can be very intimate, kind and loving. She always seems to regret what’s happened afterward and i think it’s rather than her intending to make me feel bad she just doesn’t seem to think about things before she does them. Basically, she isn’t the sharpest crayon in the box.

That’s what i’ve always told myself, people change. Im always hoping that she’ll change and really appreciate me. Im hoping that after showing her im not gonna take anymore crap that she has changed. Problem is, i dont know how i will know? if that makes sense.

You’re right it does take a very long time, a couple of the incidents which happened early 2007 i only just feel i can let go of and don’t get me down anymore, that might sound kinda stupid taking that long but it just has.

Thank you :) i always try and be nice, to everyone. All my friends have said im a really nice guy and deserve better and her friends have always said how nice i am to her and how stupid she is for messing me about.

live.enjoylife 31 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (41 minutes after post)

well - the other piece is this. you will know if she’s changed whether or not she does this again or not.

i forgot this wasn’t a one time. since you mentioned two incidents early 07 prior to this….i dunno guy….i’d be moving on.

it is one thing to mess up - we all mess up….but serially doing the same kind of thing….isnt a sharp tool vs not sharp tool/impulse issue - its a narcissism/issue of selfishness if you ask me/not protecting the person you love or controlling yourself.

for me, i’d move on….but if you want to continue - you wont know what will happen. i myself wouldnt have peace or joy under thse conditions…but good luck you seem to want to stay with her….also sorry to say but once youre quoting everyone saying you should move on……well…..enough said i would think.

Help me with: THIS IS FOR SOULsaver

live.enjoylife 31 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (42 minutes after post)

fyi, this isnt about you being a nice guy.

at this point, its about being wise/wise with your heart.

love doesnt have to be an endurance test

Help me with: THIS IS FOR SOULsaver

Sherooo 7 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (42 minutes after post)

live.enjoy life is totally right…. i think if youve got this many people seeing it from a different way, you really should take their advice.

imdr91 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (6 days, 17 hours after post)

I feel your pain. I am in the midst of a trying situation where my trust has been broken. I gave her many chances. I think I have had it. Man, it really sucks. And she has a way of putting the blame on me. I am suffering to let her go. But…. I suffer with her too………

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