Hard help: i behave untowardly towards men,and it’s quite embarrassing,been - Help.com

what do you meAN by outwardly?

yea i need to know what that means too

still, what exactly do you mean by untowardly?

ooooooh, ok…so it’s embarrassing, why? Because you flirt with every man regardless of context, or..what?

You mean like you flirt…physically?

are you trying to say you are slutty?

promiscuous? or just verbally flirty?

need more info

live.enjoylife wrote:
are you trying to say you are slutty?

lol

Ok, I really don’t intend to sound mean here, but I can’t think of any way to say this that doesn’t come off sounding crass: are you a senior citizen? Because, I mean, who talks this way? “Untowardly”? And you’re speaking very “mysteriously” instead of just saying what you mean…which makes me think maybe you’re…elderly?

yea that makes sense

Maybe you can’t get over it because it’s part of being a single woman? I mean if you’re just harmlessly flirting, there’s nothing wrong with that. Or maybe I totally don’t understand because you’re not being clear.
littlenick - i’m not trying to embarrass her, if she’s elderly she feels differently about the world and morals than if she’s a teen. I’m simply trying to understand her dilemma.

well - elderly or not - i guess i dont get the problem

is it that you are flirty and behave seductively when around men and you dont want to/hving trouble getting over it?

you know about it - so now you can change it. first, how are you dressing? second, try to pretend youre talking to your mom or grandma when talking to guys.

i guess i dont think being flirty is a bad thing….but maybe i dont understand..

Is there a list somewhere of the words the filter picks up? There was NOTHING in my post that should have flagged a word filter…

opapag wrote:
i bahave seductiely

So in simpler terms…

live.enjoylife wrote:
are you trying to say you are slutty?

ok.
well - the first step is to recognize it (which you do).
and, like i said - check yourself.
before you go out, say to yourself how you want to behave.
before you enter the restaurant or bar, say it again.
if you catch yourself - stop.
why is it a problem?
do you do this to other girls’ guys?
or are you just embarrassed at how….sexual you come across?
are you sure you are? have your friends said anything? do you dress in a way that is come-on too? if so, stop that as well.
well - why a problem? does it make you seem cheap? i guess - why not flirt if you dont have a guy…..

chameleon - that happens to me too sometimes…not sure why….

I think you need to go back and explain your situation more so we/they can help you

i think that youre ok as a person just a little unsure of the reactions that you get. x

well - explain further.
b/c its difficult to see how its a problem.
or are you so suggestive that you embarrass yourself/if your parents were watching you’d be horrified?

If its been that long then you should be able to explain yourself more… Its not like its something new and you cant find the words. You are new to this site and it took me a while to explain my life stories or get help when i first joined so i can relate to you. Just let loose and write without thinking we will judge you because you have to remember we do not know who you are.

Exactly, well said essence.

well - i gotta ask: were you sexually abused or had something happened and now you do this? or not know why you do this?
b/c….well, its mostly probably a problem if there is something driving behind that you cant stop it.

do you have a friend who can go out with you and help/remind you?

i guess i dont understand - if you know this is something you dont like about yuorself - why not just stop? why is it so bad? (aside from sounding a bit….self-demeaning and…yeah, sluttish)….

I think we just need to give her time to explain herself.

Nante wrote:
Exactly, well said essence.

Lol when i first joined i use to take up other peoples post who had the same problems as me. I just didnt want to put my business out there. I still do it a little but i catch myself before i completely take over lol. I find it rather selfish and annoying…

and…

its okay, continue.

I was about to say the same… You are still not explaining youself. We are going to need more than one sentence sweety. Its ok we dont bite :)

I understand you totally, i’m in the middle of my own crisis “i’m so sick of all the worry in my life” but that is another story. If this is any help and it might not be - I didnt feel comfortable with me around men until i turned 30 - but then other demons came sorry xx Its not you and its not them it just is and i dont think there is any answer xx

well - here’s the deal though. (dont worry about slow typing no prob girl).

if you come across all sexy - the kind of guy you’ll attract….well, thats what he’ll be after. i think you may want to rethink, even if it IS a long wait - because you can then find a guy/make friends with him and then have someone interested for the right reasons.

yeah it can be painful to be alone and without a guy….
but, as you can see, if you keep up what you’re doing then you’ll get guys interested for that reason….
thats fine, but…..because of your post - it seems you want to stop.

i guess…..if you know its a problem - just stop….or am i missing something?

I dont think opapag can stop because its part of being who she is. Like someone is naturally shy or extrovert

Yea i dont think its that easy to stop… I hate being shy but i cant just stop

nigel.sm wrote:
I dont think opapag can stop because its part of being who she is. Like someone is naturally shy or extrovert

Wait so her problem is that she is too…assertive with her attractivness towards men?

yeah - but noone is naturally lascivious - usually were sexually abused or molested when that way - there is a dark root if someone is that way…..trying to find out the root/why….i dont think people are just born like that….

i mean - what do i know - but thats waht i think…

well - dont condemn yourself, girl!! lets just get you some help.
i dont know that you ‘dont know how to act…’ i think you just have some problems you need to get control of.
do you believe in God - can you see a minister?
or can you see a counselor? or get some books on the subject?

you know - stick around your post - sooner or later someone may show up that had this same problem and fixed it somehow…..

yeah, or maybe just take sometime away from guys all together

Books will help, they can become like old friends - ther whenever you need them. They dont judge X

So discuss it with us :).

nigel.sm wrote:
Books will help, they can become like old friends - ther whenever you need them. They dont judge X

True, i love books. They explain sooo much and make you fill whole sometimes. You also escape from your everyday life while reading

Well i dont know because i dont have your problem. Im actually the complete opposite and im working on myself now. If you type something in google im sure you will pull up a lot of articles/blogs/books on your issue. But in the mean time we are hear to listen and help :)

Try self esteem x

You are a person who never complains or talk about their problems huh?
Gaining self esteem is harder than it sounds. Im being positive everyday to change my negative views or self image. But self esteem can help you a great deal

Older men have been younger men - maybe they acted the same way as you at you age?

Never give up and whenever you get down replace it with a positive thought. No matter what it may be to how you look, your day, something you learned that day, anything

well - I have had my life completely improved/changed by listening to (you can watch/read her stuff online) Joyce Meyer….she’s a minister but she is REally funny - and she was sexually abused/molested all growing up…had a really rough life…I am sure she has resources that address your stuff……

she has a small, bu very powerful book, called teh Root of Rejection - getting to the root of destructive behaviors….and giving direct clear ways to change/fix….

she is SOo entertaining (so i prefer watching her online or ordering her dvd’s) and also listen to her CDs…..if you can tolerate the God thing….I wasnt into God when i started listening to her, many of my friends arent into God, and ALL listen to her now and love her….

i think she’d be a good place to start.
also, at the bottom of her web page, she has a place called ‘answers for real issues’ and you click on that and she has all kinds of speeches, resources, advice.

you can change it. you need to not give up. be committed to it - you can do it.
thats the resource i know of….wait though maybe there are others…but she is so comprehensive if you like her (loud, funny) straightforward style, you’ll have tons of stuff to help you….if not, im sure you’ll find help if yuou keep looking.

yeah - but moreso - probably best to look at the root of the behavior to change it.
when you fix that, you wont even want to act that way…it wont be a problem/thing you cant control…at least thats what i understand…

Yes, never underestimate yourself, you deserved to be loved and respected x

sorry - i was off line for sec….joyce meyer dot org (the dot is a period…if iput the actual dot it wont come up)

fyi, i really recommend that book - root of rejection…its really good…small so its not huge either…i hope you like her

Live.enjoylife can people who are the opposite of opapag read her book or go on her site for answers?

hey - good luck too. her resources really changed my life.
but listen - if she’s not your style - DONT GIVE UP….keep looking.
if you want to feel better/change this about yourself/have peace/joy - you can.
Good for you seeking better….we’re here for you. take care..

what do you mean opposite? you mean super shy?

yeah - she has stuff on the spirit of fear and having timidity get out of balance…is that what you mean?

fyi essence — she has TONS of books!!! thats just one of them!!! my (other)favorite is Battlefield of The Mind….how wrong thinking keeps us miserable (either being victimy, too scared, too this or that, not enough this…).

Her stuff is really amazing. Again, you have to overlook/look around the Godspeak (if youre not into that) but you know what? I went to a trillion counselors, read tons of books, etc, for years - this lady is BRilliant - b/c I started getting better/attitude change right away and only got better and better listening to/learning from her rap…..she also was messed up her whole life….and has hilarious stories - its only the last 10 years or a bit more she got big ministry - she was struggling/poor/misreable most of her life…..

anyway - is that what you meant by opposite?

the best is her resources really guide re: living balanced life, not getting out of balance with too much this or that, staying strong, having backbone not wishbone, doing the right thing and not having neverending excuses for our messes/challenges….
anyway I can go on and on b/c before i wanted to die every hour and now im like a whole diff’nt person….if you want to know more shout me.

I hope it works too Opapag!!! Hey listen - you can call the Joyce Meyer ministry and talk to a person on the phone anonomously and they can council/pray for you….
LISTEN: DO NOT GIVE UP…..ok? You can take care of all your problems/fix them - keep at it.

Yes live.enjoylife thats what i meant. Im not completely shy but i do have my moments. Thanks :)

no prob guys.
…hope she speaks to you guys too b/c she has SOO many resources.
either way …be sure to shout anytime…xx