life help: I let some one treat me so bad for so long that I started to believe I deserved it. - Help.com

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Yes that’s an abuser’s tactic; to brainwash his victim into thinking she deserves no better than him, is lucky to have him, and that she isn’t worth cr*p as a person. Are you away from him? I hope so. You’ve got to get away from him completely, cut off all communication, to get your pride and self esteem back.

I know, it will take time to get his words out of your head. Trust me, I know exactly what you’re going through. Get yourself around good people that will give you positive feedback about yourself. You really need that right now to balance out his lies that are in your head.

no one should ever make you feel like a lesser person… if you need a way to express yourself try writing… or drawing… but plz recall that you are strong. otherwise you wouldnt be here… hey you can do it, im actually trying to do the same… so far listening to music and writing are good ways to let out my emotions, but im also setting my priorities straight, and im learning to not hate myself… its tough but doable, i go out and enjoy myself and that helps brink up my selfesteem. also helping ppl works out well for me too… you just have to find what works

This is the moment you need support, because you are aware of the situation. It is totally impossible to help somebody away from a Controller, if the victim is not aware of it.

I think I know this guy, and how he thinks. Because I saw this happen to a very close person, and I therefore studied it.

Feel free to shout to me at any time, and I will explain more and I could give you some links.
I may also be able to connect you with one or two who successfully got out of their relations and regained some self esteem.

It’s a well known phenonomen called ‘learned helplessness’, proven hideously by giving rabbits repeated electric shocks via the floor and they eventually learned that there was no escape and so didn’t bother trying to escape anymore, just sat there and took the pain. Even when they put a shelf in the cage so that they could jump up and escape the shocks, because they had it in their brains that there was no escape they didn’t even try to use the shelf. The good part was that eventually the researchers started putting the rabbits on the shelf themselves when the shocks came and that way the rabbits learned that it could escape.

Well take of that what you will. I always thought it meant that if even a rabbit can be abused so much that it learns it can’t help itself, then it’s no wonder a human can experience this as well, and there are plenty of examples. But it does also mean that you can look for a way out and learn that you can use it to regain yourself. If you can’t go to counseling, which I would really recommend, then there are so many resources on the internet (like this) where you can ask about getting out of this mindset. It is hard, but keep walking and walking toward your goal and you will get there.

It is great that you finally realize what is happening though…. that’s a huge step, now you have to keep reminding yourself of this when you catch yourself thinking the way he “brainwashed” you into thinking…. tell yourself positive things about yourself, not negative!!!

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Secrets…

http://lifemadesimple.typepad.com/abu…

There are probably some good books you could find on Amazon about recovering from emotional abuse. Now would be a good time….

You will get there!! It takes time, but you can do good things for yourself during this time to help things along! You are stronger than you realize!! Hang in there!!

Alison Chambers Coxsey(a poet) wrote:

Hope is reaching out again To learn to trust once more;
It’s picking up the shattered dreams That lay scattered on the floor.

Hope is learning how to smile When tears have lingered long;
In finding you are weak no more For life has made you strong.

Hope is learning every hand Is not one filled with pain;
For there are hands with gentle touch With that, your heart will change.

Hope is in the knowledge That you hold deep in your soul;
In learning to love and trust again Your heart will now be whole.