life help: So much of my life, seems to be about my self-discovery. - Help.com

So much of my life, seems to be about my self-discovery.

Taking a deeper look at the fears in my life, both new and old. Pulling each layer back, and realizing that what I thought drove my fears, wasn’t the real reason at all.

In doing so, I realize more and more that my life can’t be dictated by cancer marker results, pet scans, blood tests, or strange growths on my body. I can’t judge and base my livelihood on results of scientific tests.

As if peeling back each onion layer of my fears, I realize I am a more complex person than I realize. With needs far above dilaudid, xanax, good MRI scans. Here I sit another day, a coldish misty morning in KY, thinking about what I am afraid of, and realizing it wasn’t the real reason at all.

I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of not living.

I am not afraid of being alone. I am afraid of leaving others alone.

I am not afraid of pain. I am afraid of being the cause of it.

I am not afraid of losing my looks because of chemo. I am afraid of not recognizing the person in the mirror.

I am not afraid of being poor. I am afraid of being a burden on others.

I am not afraid of not finding love. I am afraid of being blind to it.

I am not afraid of being a failure in life. I am afraid of not living to my potential.

I am afraid because how could I not be? I am a living, breathing, vibrant, emotional human being with so much still to give to this world, and now I feel the clock ticking with every heartbeat.

The real question is, what will I do with the time I have left? Be miserable because of what I think I am afraid of, or realize that my true fears are things I have real control over.

This closed post was written 2 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 141, 9, 6 | Edit Post | Report Post

life, fear, afraid, Human, Cancer, Magnetic resonance imaging, science, Blood, Clock, Pain and nociception (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Radiohead_Phreak 9 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (8 minutes after post)

with your time that you have now instead of concentrating on fears that you have perhaps you can try using your fear to drive you.
Use the fear of not living to your full potential to become successful.
Read up books on relationships so when your in one your not blind to the problems in it.
Your never a burden to anyone unless you make yourself a burdon.
Stop causing yourself pain its easy to hurt yourself when others are but you dont diserve to feel only pain
good luck i hope that helps!

with your time that you have now instead of concentrating on fears that you have perhaps you can try using your fear to drive you. Use the fear of not living to your full potential to become successful. Read up books on relationships so when your in one your not blind to the problems in it. Your never a burden to anyone unless you make yourself a burdon. Stop causing yourself pain its easy to hurt yourself when others are but you dont diserve to feel only pain good luck i hope that helps!

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funnaygirl12 7 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (9 minutes after post)

some times its a good thing not to fear any thing but then some times it is a bad thing if you dont fear anything

some times its a good thing not to fear any thing but then some times it is a bad thing if you dont fear anything

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Cosmic Fool 41 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (9 minutes after post)

Sounds to me like you have it veyr much sorted. Your fears are very human and show a true compassion, one that I for one admire greatly!

You will spend what time you have left (which I wish is as long as possible, I really do) enjoying life, because you deserve too! And having acknowledged your fears, you are well on your way to living life without them haunting you. Radiohead_Phreak has it right, be driven by your fears, because I believe that is what they are there for!

Sounds to me like you have it veyr much sorted. Your fears are very human and show a true compassion, one that I for one admire greatly! You will spend what time you have left (which I wish is as long as possible, I really do) enjoying life, because you deserve too! And having acknowledged your fears, you are well on your way to living life without them haunting you. Radiohead_Phreak has it right, be driven by your fears, because I believe that is what they are there for!

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funnaygirl12 7 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (13 minutes after post)

but i think in this case i think its a really good thing

but i think in this case i think its a really good thing

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Mas1st 324 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (29 minutes after post)

We all only have a certain amount of time - just that some of us dont know that - Mas

We all only have a certain amount of time - just that some of us dont know that - Mas

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snowflake048 6 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (30 minutes after post)

Bravo. I think you have everything you need now

Bravo. I think you have everything you need now

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Hibernating Haro 132 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (1 day after post)

This is another great post that you have written.

This is another great post that you have written.

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mritter00 6 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (1 day, 1 hour after post)

Thank you very much…. I had some thoughs on my mind and I just need someone to listen. That’s why i’m grateful for this place

Thank you very much.... I had some thoughs on my mind and I just need someone to listen. That's why i'm grateful for this place

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