Family help: I need some guidance on how to help my family while my husband is depressed.

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I need some guidance on how to help my family while my husband is depressed.

My husband has had issues with depression and anxiety all of his life. Both his parents and their parents also suffered from this. He has been in therapy on and off for about 20 years and began taking anti-depression drugs about 13 years ago. He has kept up with his medication and with therapy. About 6 months ago he decided to (with the consent and help of his doctor) go off his medication. About a month ago his symptoms started to return with a vengeance and he has been back on medication (Cymbalta) for 2 weeks. A week ago he became suicidal and was given Xanax to help alleviate his anxiety until the Cymbalta really kicks in which we believe will be in about 2 more weeks. In the meantime, we have 2 daughters aged 9 and 12 and I have only recently returned to work part-time. Over the last few years my husband started a business and has been enormously successful personally but has not managed the business well and we are $150K in debt in addition to our mortgage. I can’t carry the debt financially.

I need to decide how to help with the business. My husband is refusing to take the recommended dosage of Xanax because he says it makes him groggy (which it clearly does). I was able to keep him home over the long fourth of July weekend and the first 2 days of this week, but he is insisting on going back to work where he is meeting with very high profile corporate executives and government officials. I am deeply concerned about his ability to manage himself in a meeting and he has already agreed to let me manage his business finances for the time being until we can get out of debt and he is stabilized at which point he will re-organize his business. He will be wonderful at consulting with the help of a good assistant but he needs to let the rest of his staff go as it is obvious he can’t manage them profitably.

I have done everything in my power to help him through this. We walk for hours together every day, we talk, I reassure, I tell him how much he means to me and the kids and how much we all love him.

My concern is for us as a family, financially. I can see very clearly how to manage the business to eliminate the debt and relieve the pressure that he feels in managing 5 people. He is willing to do what it takes but I don’t think he is ABLE to do it and we are going further in the hole every day. Does any one have any business advice for me , as a spouse with management rights to his company? I want to be very careful that the perception isn’t that he isn’t capable of managing his business, but unfortunately that is the case right now.

This open post was written 3 months ago | V/U/S: 90, 4, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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business, Family, Month, debt, Week, Medication, anxiety, Year, Day, Right (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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christidtx 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (5 minutes after post)

Stay the course. He will be better once his meds kick in.

benew 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (56 minutes after post)

From reading your post it sounds like you are a very close family and rely on each other very much. You just need to make him understand that by letting you handle the management of the company for a time does not show a weakness on his part, but will show strength in the long run for the business and the family. Both will prosper from this decision. Let him know you are not trying to put him out of his position in the business, but rather you want to strengthen that position by offering him your help. This will be very touchy for a time, especially until the meds kick in. However, if you manage to partner on running the business, it will strengthen your family and business.

AmandaLynn 41 #
Lumberton, TX, US | 3 months ago (1 hour, 20 minutes after post)

I have my own opinons about disorders such as these - and that is that they are developed over time through thinking patterns that are based on emotions rather than reality and then eventually they turn into actions and then habbits and then character qualities and eventually ones destiny. Usually people use the way they feel to validate their disorder. But it seems logical because now a days - we put such an emphisis on how we feel rather than on what really is. And if we feel a certain way - or a situation makes us feel a certain way - we suddenly take that feeling on as truth and part of our identity rather than simply sort it out with our mind. People get strong strong feelings … especialy if they have allowed those feelings to run rampit in certain situations. Each time - they get stronger and they are more able to control us. Until they are so strong that - it’s just the way we are. And we feel we havent the ability to stand against them mentally. So we take meds to make us a bit less aware of our feelings or our circumstances that cause the feelings. So naturally they do not control us as much because our mind is hindered. …..

I am not sure what to say about the business issue becasue i dont feel i understand it enough… but.. thats my opinion on the anxioity issues. I was much like your husband and atempted suicide because of it. My family suffered a lot. But - i’ve overcome it. I still feel those same feelings - but they no longer control me.

Help me with: I’m looking for the best airline to take from USA to overseas - and traveling advice.

asdaw #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (4 days, 10 hours after post)

are there meetings similar to AA for people who need guidance in controling finances

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I need some guidance on how to help my family while my husband is depressed.

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