that is a very good point.
the beautiful part was probably true.
but she was basically asking for someone to tell her the opposite of what she was saying because she was talking about it in public so obviously she was asking for attention…
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So what is wrong with just being nice to people? Trying to make them feel good?
Yes, they KNOW they are fat/old/ugly. But why say it? Why be hateful?
Look for other good things about people, and a good thing is being able to see the beauty, appreciate it and say something nice to the person.
And by beauty, I don’t mean on the outside, I mean on the inside. Your Dad sounds as if he has beauty on the inside.
And as for the lady, maybe, just maybe she had bad news that day, maybe her boss yelled at her, maybe some snot nosed kid call her old. Maybe she just reached out for someone like your dad to say something nice to make her feel human again.
Since when do the concepts ‘young’ and ‘old’ have anything to do with age?
I think that is a mentality something.
And people of an older age can be very beautiful. Often are.
I think your dad might should have said something about great wisdome comes with age or something.. im not one for bearing falshoods for the sake of making someone feel better - i think we can make someone feel better without lying to them. And if there isnt anything to say - dont say anything. Just because we get around a fat person dont mean we have to say they are fat.. isnt there something else to talk about? But if they say something about their weight like, “yea - i need to lose a few extra pounds,”.. you dont have to say, .>”yea you sure do!”… you can say something like “well you stick to it and im sure you can do it.”..
Do peopel not know how to talk now a days or something?? come on people. A little bit of words seasoned with wisdom.
Well, I’m just an old fashioned liar then. Because I will tell people they are beautiful, wonderful, they have a spring in their step, just to see them smile. It hurts no one and can help that person in ways you can never imagine.
Empty compliments like the ones you described do me more harm than good. They make me feel worse instead of better. It’s as if they can’t find ANYTHING nice to say about me, so they make sh*t up that obviously isn’t true. lol
I don’t think the old woman was asking for attention, he said she was joking about her age. I think she just wanted to make people laugh.
Amen AmandaLynn.
And anyway, who says I am lying? Maybe to ME they are beautiful? Just because you can’t see the beauty in someone doesn’t mean I can’t.
“Fat/ugly/bald/old” - gosh we are so judgemental. I take it that it has not happened to any of you yet? Let’s hope when/if it does that people are kind (liar?)to you.
lol!.. so suddenly its judgmental to notice a truth? Is it bad that someone is bald? no..lol. Is it bad they are fat? no.. unhealthy ..but not always bad. Is it bad they are ugly? no.. because ugly to one may not be ugly to another. Just because we notice something dont mean it is said. Your assuming (Anubis) that just because a person notices something that they automaticalyl say it. lol.. or make a big deal about it. And thats not always true at all.
And no one said your lying. They said beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can see whatever you want. Dont get offended so easily.
Im sorry the hair was kinda funny. If you dont have hair why say I like your hair…
Well to me age is just a number and there is beauty in everyone no matter what their age is. Weight is just a number too. I think ppl who are bigger are just as beautiful as ppl who are smaller. You have to find the beauty in everyone. Not just compliment to make them fel good. You wouldn’t say. For your age you sure look young. That can hurt someone who may be standing right next to you. You would compliment them on something only the heart can see. (That doesn’t mean go around dating ppl who are way older than you) I don’t declare it lieing. Just because someone is old. That doesn’t mean you cant say. For your age you look young(They might look young for their age!) And if they are bald they might have on a wig…You might like their wig. You wouldnt tell that person. HEY I LIKE YOUR WIG! Thats just simply rude. SO you would say I like your hair. And if you are fat…You wouldnt tell them they are skinny. You should tell them what they are wearing makes them look slimmer. Or you would ask them Have you lost some weight? Lol thats my fav!
But yea anyways all of these aren’t declared lies.
I don’t want people to lie to me! If they’re hell bent on complimenting me, I want them to search for a true and real compliment instead of throwing something at me that they think will make me feel better yet is a lie (which is an insult to my intelligence btw to think that I would believe it). I’m not saying beauty isn’t in the eye of the beholder, but telling an 80 year old woman that she’s not old, that’s not helpful at all. lol
The part that says…You wouldnt go around dating ppl way older than you was supposed to go after the part that says…Well to me age is just a number. I kept typing and pushed it down a bit.
I think the origional context of the post was someone who personally didnt think a person was beautiful and then said they were just to “say it”…and “be nice”. I think thats the context.. when you actually think one thing but say a total opiset just to make that person feel better. In which case would be a lie.
lets not get all our feathers ruffeled and start chasin rabbits here.
she just looked hurt because of all those wrinkles making her eyes saggy
I genuinely don’t see the problem with complimenting someone just to make them feel good. That is the whole point of ‘compliments’. That’s the definition.
After all, don’t we do that on this site all the time? ‘No, don’t kill yourself, we love you’, you really are a wonderful person,…. etc etc etc.
We don’t know any of that for a fact, but we do it to make them feel good. I don’t see the difference between that and the lady at the checkout, who for all we know could be suicidal.
I’m not saying you have to compliment everyone you meet for the heck of it. But sometimes when people reach out, what is the harm in a compliment? It makes us both feel goo.
Anyway, despite our difference of opinion, I shall continue to compliment people as much as I want, true or not.
So goodbye, I think you are all wonderful people. ;)
Anubis: I see nothing wrong with complimenting someone to make them feel good either. But it’s when the compliment is an obvious lie that it can hurt instead of help.
You guys should have seen that poor lady’s face,she looked like she wanted to cry then told my dad thank you And to clear things up my dad was lying, and you could tell that by the way he said it it was so fake also I know my dad. Im talking about
Chameleon wrote:
Anubis: I see nothing wrong with complimenting someone to make them feel good either. But it’s when the compliment is an obvious lie that it can hurt instead of help.
YES!! CHameleon that is what im talking about!!
I just mean when you know someone is lying just to make you feel better, does that actually make you feel any better?
Yeah, we’re not saying don’t compliment people - just take the time and energy to find something real to compliment them about.
Sometimes you don’t know them well enough to do that. You are assuming you know the person well. I thought the post was about a passing encounter.
an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration
a formal act or expression of civility, respect, or regard
a courteous greeting; good wishes
To show fondness
Ok.. so.. these are the definitions of a compliment. To me - they are all based on something solid and true. Good behavior, a good dead, helpfulness, a success, showing and older woman respect or older gentelmen respece or regard. Beauty is such a diverse thing anyway … but someting everyone in here seems to be focusing on as a compliment issue..lol.. especially when its about an 80 year old person.. by then .. their beauty has settled intheir wisdom and knowledge and grace.. somethign i hope to achieve one day.
I agree Nate and Chameleon. People are smart. They know if your not taking the time to give a real compliment - and just digging in your pocket for a typical response.
Well clearly I am just stupid. Am I fishing for compliments? Have you made me feel bad enough to want to give me a compliment? Do you know me well enough to say something that won’t insult me?
No, you don’t have to know someone to find something about them to compliment. When I was a kid my mom use to say to me every morning before school “Find something nice to say about someone that _____ today” and the ____ would be anything from “has brown hair” to looks sad. I did it, and I always searched for a genuine compliment. I could tell it made their day sometimes.
Anubis wrote:
Well clearly I am just stupid. Am I fishing for compliments? Have you made me feel bad enough to want to give me a compliment? Do you know me well enough to say something that won’t insult me?
Its hard to say something that wont insult and easily insulted person. They already have that mindset even if the other person talking to them has no intent of insulting them. And in that case.. it cant really be helped. i dont baby people unless they are a baby. Ur an adult. I dont think anyone in here is trying to insult you.
Anubis: I think we’re really agreeing with each other - you wouldn’t tell a fat woman she’s thin, you’d find something else to compliment her on. That’s all I’m saying.
I’m not actually insulted, I am enjoying the debate. I was just making a point to back up my argument.
Compliments are the oil that grease the wheels of social interchange.
If a 400 pound women came into mcdonalds, and you were the cashier and she said to you “I know what your thinking Im fat, but all I want is a salad.” and she laughs is it best to say “I wasnt thinking that what kind of salad?” or “No your skinny, really.”
thats what I mean.
I would say…Weight is just a number and No I wasn’t thinking that now how may I assist you?
But even I would not do that, because:
a) I would NOT be thinking she is fat
b) It would be tremendously rude to make that judgement on someone and
c) I am intelligent enough to find something nice to say without resorting to that.
PS I was replying to Nante not you JoyfulSoul. Just for info, I should have quoted.
Or if a man who had no hair is walking down the street, and he askes you if his head is too shiney and laughs do would you say “Haha no” or “Wanna borrow some hair grease? I love the way your hair is so curly!
Nante…Sometimes Lieing can be for a good reason. Not all lieing is declared bad.
Nante wrote:
Or if a man who had no hair is walking down the street, and he askes you if his head is too shiney and laughs do would you say “Haha no” or “Wanna borrow some hair grease? I love the way your hair is so curly!
Well, I like baldness, so I would never think, say that or respond in that way. I think this is getting a bit silly Nante. My point has been made.
Some ppl are bald and their heads aren’t shiny…! They usually get shiny if they put grease on their head or if they are sweating and the sun is shining on them…
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phuckit!