Love help: Lies - Help.com

So what is wrong with just being nice to people? Trying to make them feel good?

Yes, they KNOW they are fat/old/ugly. But why say it? Why be hateful?

Look for other good things about people, and a good thing is being able to see the beauty, appreciate it and say something nice to the person.

And by beauty, I don’t mean on the outside, I mean on the inside. Your Dad sounds as if he has beauty on the inside.

And as for the lady, maybe, just maybe she had bad news that day, maybe her boss yelled at her, maybe some snot nosed kid call her old. Maybe she just reached out for someone like your dad to say something nice to make her feel human again.

Since when do the concepts ‘young’ and ‘old’ have anything to do with age?

I think that is a mentality something.

And people of an older age can be very beautiful. Often are.

Well, I’m just an old fashioned liar then. Because I will tell people they are beautiful, wonderful, they have a spring in their step, just to see them smile. It hurts no one and can help that person in ways you can never imagine.

Empty compliments like the ones you described do me more harm than good. They make me feel worse instead of better. It’s as if they can’t find ANYTHING nice to say about me, so they make sh*t up that obviously isn’t true. lol
I don’t think the old woman was asking for attention, he said she was joking about her age. I think she just wanted to make people laugh.

Amen AmandaLynn.

And anyway, who says I am lying? Maybe to ME they are beautiful? Just because you can’t see the beauty in someone doesn’t mean I can’t.

“Fat/ugly/bald/old” - gosh we are so judgemental. I take it that it has not happened to any of you yet? Let’s hope when/if it does that people are kind (liar?)to you.

Im sorry the hair was kinda funny. If you dont have hair why say I like your hair…

Well to me age is just a number and there is beauty in everyone no matter what their age is. Weight is just a number too. I think ppl who are bigger are just as beautiful as ppl who are smaller. You have to find the beauty in everyone. Not just compliment to make them fel good. You wouldn’t say. For your age you sure look young. That can hurt someone who may be standing right next to you. You would compliment them on something only the heart can see. (That doesn’t mean go around dating ppl who are way older than you) I don’t declare it lieing. Just because someone is old. That doesn’t mean you cant say. For your age you look young(They might look young for their age!) And if they are bald they might have on a wig…You might like their wig. You wouldnt tell that person. HEY I LIKE YOUR WIG! Thats just simply rude. SO you would say I like your hair. And if you are fat…You wouldnt tell them they are skinny. You should tell them what they are wearing makes them look slimmer. Or you would ask them Have you lost some weight? Lol thats my fav!

But yea anyways all of these aren’t declared lies.

I don’t want people to lie to me! If they’re hell bent on complimenting me, I want them to search for a true and real compliment instead of throwing something at me that they think will make me feel better yet is a lie (which is an insult to my intelligence btw to think that I would believe it). I’m not saying beauty isn’t in the eye of the beholder, but telling an 80 year old woman that she’s not old, that’s not helpful at all. lol

The part that says…You wouldnt go around dating ppl way older than you was supposed to go after the part that says…Well to me age is just a number. I kept typing and pushed it down a bit.

she just looked hurt because of all those wrinkles making her eyes saggy

I genuinely don’t see the problem with complimenting someone just to make them feel good. That is the whole point of ‘compliments’. That’s the definition.

After all, don’t we do that on this site all the time? ‘No, don’t kill yourself, we love you’, you really are a wonderful person,…. etc etc etc.

We don’t know any of that for a fact, but we do it to make them feel good. I don’t see the difference between that and the lady at the checkout, who for all we know could be suicidal.

I’m not saying you have to compliment everyone you meet for the heck of it. But sometimes when people reach out, what is the harm in a compliment? It makes us both feel goo.

Anyway, despite our difference of opinion, I shall continue to compliment people as much as I want, true or not.

So goodbye, I think you are all wonderful people. ;)

Anubis: I see nothing wrong with complimenting someone to make them feel good either. But it’s when the compliment is an obvious lie that it can hurt instead of help.

Yeah, we’re not saying don’t compliment people - just take the time and energy to find something real to compliment them about.

Sometimes you don’t know them well enough to do that. You are assuming you know the person well. I thought the post was about a passing encounter.

Well clearly I am just stupid. Am I fishing for compliments? Have you made me feel bad enough to want to give me a compliment? Do you know me well enough to say something that won’t insult me?

No, you don’t have to know someone to find something about them to compliment. When I was a kid my mom use to say to me every morning before school “Find something nice to say about someone that _____ today” and the ____ would be anything from “has brown hair” to looks sad. I did it, and I always searched for a genuine compliment. I could tell it made their day sometimes.

Anubis: I think we’re really agreeing with each other - you wouldn’t tell a fat woman she’s thin, you’d find something else to compliment her on. That’s all I’m saying.

I’m not actually insulted, I am enjoying the debate. I was just making a point to back up my argument.

Compliments are the oil that grease the wheels of social interchange.

I would say…Weight is just a number and No I wasn’t thinking that now how may I assist you?

But even I would not do that, because:
a) I would NOT be thinking she is fat
b) It would be tremendously rude to make that judgement on someone and
c) I am intelligent enough to find something nice to say without resorting to that.

PS I was replying to Nante not you JoyfulSoul. Just for info, I should have quoted.

Nante…Sometimes Lieing can be for a good reason. Not all lieing is declared bad.

Nante wrote:
Or if a man who had no hair is walking down the street, and he askes you if his head is too shiney and laughs do would you say “Haha no” or “Wanna borrow some hair grease? I love the way your hair is so curly!

Well, I like baldness, so I would never think, say that or respond in that way. I think this is getting a bit silly Nante. My point has been made.

Some ppl are bald and their heads aren’t shiny…! They usually get shiny if they put grease on their head or if they are sweating and the sun is shining on them…

Let’s just say I like to look for the good in others, without being sarcasric or insulting, and if I can make someone’s day, it makes my day.

Without compliments, true or not, this site would crumble. And the suicide posters would be better going elsewhere fore help.

Turn it around. Would you go around insulting people, just because it was true? If you saw someone who was old/fat/bald/ would it be ok to say so just because it is true?

Hmmm… Well if someone asked me were they fat…Of course I wouldn’t say yea you’re fat. Yea that would be lieing. But I rather lie to make someone feel good then tell the truth and hurt their feelings. Thats just down right rude and inconciderate.

If you told someone the truth, and they were really depressed, and this pushed them over the top and they committed suicide, at their funeral could you look their family in the eye and say ‘well it was the truth’?

Anyway, that was an over the top example. But maybe not, on this site this is the line we have to tread. Hmm

And really…I some person…I DONT KNOW will walk up to me and go. Hey am I fat? Hey is my head to shiny? Hey do I look old to you? I just don’t think it will happen. If I know someone well enough. Then yea I might say…Yea you are fat. I do it to my cousin all the times…They ask me…Do you like my shirt and I go No its ugly to me. Well hey those are my cousins they love me no matter what I say…My friends too. But random ppl Idk I will lie and say no you arent fat. But family and friends…I would tell the truth cuz they wont get mad at me and they know me well enough to know that Im gonna tell them the truth…But why would I do that to some ppl I dont even know…Thats just rude.

I think we can all agree that if you can’t say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.

Nante wrote:

Anubis wrote:
I think we can all agree that if you can’t say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.

Thats what im saying

So if someone asked you were they fat…You would walk away and not answer them?? Or would you lie and say no…?! I wouldnt walk away thats rude and saying yea your fat is rude too. The point is…I doubt anyone you dont know will walk up to you and ask you any of those questions if they wont be able to take the answer.

Well I dont think they will have much confidence if they are asking you that…

Well anyways Im about to walk across the street with my mom and my aunt (Im at my moms job) to go get some lunch.

Nante wrote:
Anubis I cant read what you wrote.

Nante wrote:

JoyfulSoul wrote:
So if someone asked you were they fat…You would walk away and not answer them?? Or would you lie and say no…?! I wouldnt walk away thats rude and saying yea your fat is rude too. The point is…I doubt anyone you dont know will walk up to you and ask you any of those questions if they wont be able to take the answer.

Its actually happend to me before…

Oh really?! Wow lol. The only thing close to that is this lady asked me. Do you think my shoes are big??? I was like 0.o wierd ok…But they werent big they were actually very cute and I told her and we talked and now I own a pair.

I personally hate false compliments.

That could be seen as disrespectful to the person who is trying to compliment you.