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What to do with an unruly grandmother?

Our son is 10 months old and my boyfriend’s mom is a first-time grandma. She BEGS us to take him overnight and that’s all well and good, but we’ve found out that when she does, he cries all night the next night and we don’t get any sleep. (In case you’re wondering, my parents live 1300 miles away)

My job and school (I’m studying online for my Bachelor’s Degree) are suffering, let alone my relationship with my boyfriend……I had a ‘talkin to’ from my supervisor today about being habitually late due to lack of sleep from our son’s crying-the-night-after-grandma’s fits and my boyfriend and I argue all the time now. In fact, we USED to be engaged until recently and are going to attend our first couple’s counseling session next week - we’re working on our relationship, but this puts a huge strain on us…..

We’ve tried to confront her about this and put a kabash on the overnight and all day stays with her, but she seems stubborn to the idea and keeps hounding us about it. She wants to know WHY he cries the night after a stay and all we care about is it not happening again - he’s too young to tell us and we don’t want to bother with the ‘effect’, just eliminate the ’cause’.

Not to mention she TELLS us what to do with our free time and that she thinks we’re being bad parents when we drop him off at daycare if we have a day off during the week. When my boyfriend or I have a day off, more often than not we still drop him off at daycare - we figure we work hard and deserve a day off, plus we’re paying for daycare whether we have him there or not. Granted I am off Fridays, and while he’s at daycare I clean or do homework. My boyfriend usually plays Playstation all day when he has the day off….that is something his mom went nuts about especially! Can’t we do with our free time as we see fit?

It’s as though she doesn’t respect us as adults and parents and keeps questioning our decisions, saying stuff like ‘you should do this’ or ‘when I was raising Tony I did this’…..ugh!!! We don’t cave in and we stand our ground, but how can we all get along and have a happy baby as the result? (not to mention happy, gainfully employed parents that get along because they get some darn sleep!!)

HELP!!!

For the record: I’m 29 turning 30 in Sept and my boyfriend is 33….

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mindue7 edited this post 3 months ago. Read the previous text »

What to do with an unruly grandmother?

Our son is 10 months old and boyfriend’s mom is a first-time grandma. She BEGS us to take him overnight and that’s all well and good, but we’ve found out that when she does, he cries all night the next night and we don’t get any sleep.

My job and school (I’m studying online for my Bachelor’s Degree) are suffering, let alone my relationship with my boyfriend……

We’ve tried to confront her about this and put a kabash on the overnight and all day stays with her, but she seems stubborn to the idea and keeps hounding us about it.

Not to mention when my boyfriend or I have a day off, more often than not we still drop him off at daycare - we figure we work hard and deserve a day off, plus we’re paying for daycare whether we have him there or not. Granted I am off Fridays, and while he’s at daycare, I clean or do homework, but my boyfriend usually plays Playstation all day when he has the day off….but can’t we do with our free time as we see fit?

It’s as though she doesn’t respect us as adults and parents and keeps questioning our decisions, saying stuff like ‘you should do this’ or ‘when I was raising Tony I did this’…..ugh!!! We don’t cave in and we stand our ground, but how can we all get along and have a happy baby as the result? (not to mention happy, gainfully employed parents that get along because they get some darn sleep!!)

HELP!!!

live.enjoylife offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 31 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months ago (5 minutes after post)

get that book called Boundaries!!!
YES - you can what what you want with ALL your time
first, keep in perspective - i’m sure she just loves your child and you two and is jsut trying to be helpful even though she sounds incredibly annoying and irritating

outside of that - you’ll just have to stand your ground
you cant control if she’s going to ask, re-ask, ask again and then give you her encyclopedia of know betterthanyou isms…..(obviously!)….keep knowing she really is thinking she’s being helpful - try to remember that and try to just ignore

mostly - stand your ground and do what you have to do for your family.
maybe you can make a set time - each week - that is her time with yuor kid.
period. but NOT overnight.
sooner or later she should get the message. sooner or later your child will be old enough that this wont be the problem too (re: sleeping). i agree - forget the overnights - doesnt sound peaceful.

i dunno. thats…well - good for yuo standing your ground - kinda sounds like a hassle but as long as you dont give in shld be okay.gluck

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live.enjoylife offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 31 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months ago (6 minutes after post)

may want to not be as available either (via cel or phone) and does she really need to know when you have a day off? it all sounds incredibly…stressful to feel like you have to justify your own life choices…

get that book called boundaries thats what i say!!

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Help me with: THIS IS FOR SOULsaver

mindue7 edited this post 3 months ago. Read the previous text »

What to do with an unruly grandmother?

Our son is 10 months old and boyfriend’s mom is a first-time grandma. She BEGS us to take him overnight and that’s all well and good, but we’ve found out that when she does, he cries all night the next night and we don’t get any sleep.

My job and school (I’m studying online for my Bachelor’s Degree) are suffering, let alone my relationship with my boyfriend……

We’ve tried to confront her about this and put a kabash on the overnight and all day stays with her, but she seems stubborn to the idea and keeps hounding us about it.

Not to mention she TELLS us what to do with our free time and that she thinks we’re being bad parents when we drop him off at daycare during the week even when we have a day off. When my boyfriend or I have a day off, more often than not we still drop him off at daycare - we figure we work hard and deserve a day off, plus we’re paying for daycare whether we have him there or not. Granted I am off Fridays, and while he’s at daycare, I clean or do homework, but my boyfriend usually plays Playstation all day when he has the day off….but can’t we do with our free time as we see fit?

It’s as though she doesn’t respect us as adults and parents and keeps questioning our decisions, saying stuff like ‘you should do this’ or ‘when I was raising Tony I did this’…..ugh!!! We don’t cave in and we stand our ground, but how can we all get along and have a happy baby as the result? (not to mention happy, gainfully employed parents that get along because they get some darn sleep!!)

HELP!!!

mindue7 edited this post 3 months ago. Read the previous text »

What to do with an unruly grandmother?

Our son is 10 months old and my boyfriend’s mom is a first-time grandma. She BEGS us to take him overnight and that’s all well and good, but we’ve found out that when she does, he cries all night the next night and we don’t get any sleep. (In case you’re wondering, my parents live 1300 miles away)

My job and school (I’m studying online for my Bachelor’s Degree) are suffering, let alone my relationship with my boyfriend……I had a ‘talkin to’ from my supervisor today about being habitually late due to lack of sleep from our son’s crying-the-night-after-grandma’s fits and my boyfriend and I argue all the time now. In fact, we USED to be engaged until recently and are going to attend our first couple’s counseling session next week - we’re working on our relationship, but this puts a huge strain on us…..

We’ve tried to confront her about this and put a kabash on the overnight and all day stays with her, but she seems stubborn to the idea and keeps hounding us about it. She wants to know WHY he cries the night after a stay and all we care about is it not happening again - he’s too young to tell us and we don’t want to bother with the ‘effect’, just eliminate the ’cause’.

Not to mention she TELLS us what to do with our free time and that she thinks we’re being bad parents when we drop him off at daycare if we have a day off during the week. When my boyfriend or I have a day off, more often than not we still drop him off at daycare - we figure we work hard and deserve a day off, plus we’re paying for daycare whether we have him there or not. Granted I am off Fridays, and while he’s at daycare I clean or do homework. My boyfriend usually plays Playstation all day when he has the day off….that is something his mom went nuts about especially! Can’t we do with our free time as we see fit?

It’s as though she doesn’t respect us as adults and parents and keeps questioning our decisions, saying stuff like ‘you should do this’ or ‘when I was raising Tony I did this’…..ugh!!! We don’t cave in and we stand our ground, but how can we all get along and have a happy baby as the result? (not to mention happy, gainfully employed parents that get along because they get some darn sleep!!)

HELP!!!

Time Traveler offline Verified User (7 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 22 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months ago (13 minutes after post)

Crying all night, that’s pretty bad. I wouldn’t trust her with the overnight.

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Anonymous #
3 months ago (21 minutes after post)

if i ruled the world, old people would feed the hungry… (gotta laugh sometimes, right?)

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Anonymous #
3 months ago (22 minutes after post)

who cares what she thinks

and
the title of this post made me lol…unruly grandmother…hehe

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Anonymous #
3 months ago (1 hour, 10 minutes after post)

Only let her have the grandson on the weekend, Friday or Saturday that way sleepless nights won’t interfere with you working and being late.

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clarksonmygeish offline Verified User (2 weeks, 3 days) Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 weeks, 3 days ago (2 months, 2 weeks after post)

All i can say is boundaries, you and your man need to seriously talk about this and be on one accord with how things are going to be when concerning his mother keeping your child. Another thing when you tell her no dont cave in, mean what you say and say what you mean. If you do this eventually she will get the picture and uderstand who’s the parents. Explain to her that you appreciate her and that you know she loves the baby but……. you are the parents, you dont mind her giving advice every once in a while, but you have to do whats you feel is best for the 3 of you so that yall can have a healthy happy relationship and family.

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