Love help: so after all of that. - Help.com

ok so I am a little confused you want with but cant and he did not show up because he was having issues at home. Are you just afraid to trust him because you dont want to be hurt again?

If something legit happens and the person is not able to meet, that’s cool. But this someone is making you feel invisible usually?
Dont be in a relationship where you are not appreciated or noticed. It rocks when someone cant wait to be with you. When someone smiles and shares their life with you. You know its right and true.

Maybe you could take a few steps back and still have him in your live but at enough of a distance that you could cope with having his problems on top of yours. I know that in the year I was seperated from my boyfriend and he was deeply in trouble it was better for both of us to be friends, not partners. There are some problems you cannot fix for another, that he will have to come to terms with on his own. If you are deeply involved with someone and that person is not letting you in far enough to help them or to comfort them, as I think you are now, it is draining you for no purpose. Think about it.

The one thing I can tell you is I know what it is like to sit and wait to hear from someone. It sucks plain and simply your mind takes you all kinds of places. I think you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel if you still feels he does not care then move on. But at least give him the benifit of the doubt that he has had major problems of his ownto deal with and just because he did not call you does not mean he does not care maybe he was just wrapped up in other things. But you cant just keep draining yourself . if you just walk away and just cut it off and not talk to him again ever then it will be unresolved in your mind forever and that hurts like hell

Believe me I understand your pain and it sounds like you are on the right track Hang in there!

Yes you are on the right track. You are feeling some of your own control in the situation. Your not feeling abandoned and seeking to have contact. Searching for any little crumb of interest. It sounds like you have grown tired of being the soul life support for this relationship. You only want someone to participate in a relationship with smiles, laughter, contact, play, and to have meaning and reason. Gosh, what kind of human being are you? Good Luck hon, let us know how it goes, please feel free to shout me if you would like.

Right, Its tough to try that hard. Being in a relationship shouldn’t be so exhausting. You dont have to try to matter, or try to have that person involved. It takes two to participate and you cant be in love by yourself! Sad honey, you have a tough decision. Life is for living and sharing. Together.

That sounds familiar. Maybe he will change in time, if you give him and yourself some room. It worked out well for my boyfriend, who finally seem to have kicked the habit of not learning anything before hitting a wall head first a few times… When he was ready to think this over in his own mind, he was ready to talk to me about it and to share. But not everyone gets that far, so don’t put your life on halt for him.

No, you shouldn’t just accept that. You have to find ways to replenish your own resources, or you wouldn’t be any help to others either. And some people are a constant drain on your resources. You may have to cut someone off occasionally. But do make sure that you are allowing people to help you, before you say they are unwilling or uncapable. Let me share some of my own experiences with you. I have noticed in the past that I am not helped much in situations where other people do receive help. After a while I realized that I didn’t show my need to be helped, it seemed as if I was doing fine. If you don’t show that you are vulnerable once in a while, it’s no surprise that people look at you as the strong rock that will take all their problems without ever asking something in return. In the past, I have taken on responsibilities I shouldn’t have, because I didn’t trust anyone else to do them properly. If I had trusted them some more, relied on them, they may well have stepped up. They didn’t now, but part of that was because I never allowed them to do so. And then there is a category of people that is so insecure about their own abilities that they genuinely believe they could never help you, never be relied on, because they would fail you or because they would only make things worse. Most of these people are wrong to assume that, but they will not find that out until you do rely on them and they are forced to step up. I have found that they are often very happy to help, once they realize they can.
Of course, your personal situation may well be very different to mine, but maybe you can learn something from my experiences. If not, simply ignore them, no problem.

You sound like someone who aches to have more contacts in life, yet you feel like distancing yourself. I’d say that the urge to distance yourself stems from the past experiences and the ache for more contact is who you really are. Accept that, you have been hurt in the past, you will be hurt in the future, but you are the kind of person who likes to be around people and love them.
As for not receiving love and care, especially from those you care so much about, I think there are two possibilities and they may even overlap. You could have chosen someone to bestow your love and care to that isn’t capable of returning it. It could be that he is too busy with his own problems right now to have energy for anything else, it could be you are not meant for each other and he simply cannot fall in love with you even though he likes you. The other option is that he does love and care, but he is showing it in ways you cannot recognize. I have found in my life that some people show their love in ways only discernable to those that know them best. My father, for instance, has never been someone to show his love in words, hugs or gifts when I was little. Instead, he built things, fixed things, cooked for us, things like that.
The thing is, you sound like a very nice and loving person. I find it hard to believe that those in your life you care for don’t care for you, don’t love you. My bet would be that they do, but of course I cannot check that because I don’t know them. If you are right though, and they don’t care, you need to find a different place in life, because you are worth care and love. What would happen if you asked them directly, say ‘would you miss me if I went away tomorrow? In what way?’?

No way, you are listened to: you just told me you helped out the lonely and less popular kids, you couldn’t have done that if they didn’t listen to you or if the people you got them in contact with didn’t listen to you. Let me give you a theory here, don’t be offended if you don’t recognize it, it’s not meant as a judgement but more as an eyeopener. I could be wrong, in which case you are perfectly allowed to ignore me.
Could it be that you feel good about helping people, loving them, caring for them, when they are feeling low, because you secretly believe they wouldn’t want you around if they were feeling good? If that’s what you believe, and it is what I’m sensing from your post, you are subconsiously undermining all of your efforts to get people to love you. When I look back at my youth, I see some times when friends betrayed me or I was bullied, but I also see a lot of opportunities for friendship or love I didn’t take seriously because I didn’t believe they were real. Even the first few years as a student, when I was active in a student board game society and was always present for official occasions and felt welcome there, I was rarely asked for anything unofficial. I spoke to some people a few years after and they told me that I somehow radiated a vibe that I was only there for the official parts, to help, to organize, but not as a potential friend to hang out with. Could it be that you are doing the same, always being the one that seems so strong she doesn’t need love, attention, friendship, help?

I hope you can use this new insight into your own behaviour to change parts of it into behaviour that makes you more happy. People usually treat us the way we expect them to treat us, especially if we communicate those expectations to them non-verbally or verbally.
Be yourself, only more happy, by changing your behaviour and its effects rather than your personality - you are a great person as it is and you deserve some more happiness.