Love help: My mother has breast cancer and her alcoholic boy friend just left. - Help.com

How advanced is your mom’s breast cancer?

Well then, she is still in the stage where they can get rid of it, right?

I invited most of friends to come here, is that OK?

Have you spoken with her about the consequences of not taking her meds?

yes, of course, i respect her decison though. i was luccky enough to get her to the doctor to check out the lump. I think she is just afraid because, my aunt, her sister just got over her chemo because she had breast cancer in a higher stage

She must be facing a lot of things now. Been there for the past weeks and to tell you, all things could not make her feel better.

But you could do something for her by giving sometime to remind her of her appointments. Someone could be there for her to remind her of her meds or vitamins.

She is also hurt.She just needs someone to hold on to.

How old are your siblings?

you’re going to have to try to get her to go to be checked at some stage without making her angry at you.

Well, first I am sorry about the predicament that you are in. I’ve never really associated with anyone with any sort of cancer so it’s hard for me to provide decent support.

The drinking is a serious problem and I think you should try and prevent her from accessing it like find where she keeps it and get rid of it. You could try pointing out to here the severity of the condition and let her know how important it is to go to her appointments.

Hello, I’m assuming her boyfriend left for good?is that right?

Oh dear, i did not realize you are that young. Do you have relatives to come and stay with you while your mom is not so well?

I’m sure your very mature for your age but an adult needs to take over this situation.An adult you can trust.Someone to step in and do what it takes to get something done.If not a responsible family member then social services.Is that possible?

it would need to be someone your mum would respect and listen to

Don’t you have any other relatives?

Your mom is a danger to herself not taking her meds and drinking. You guys all need help. Do you guys have insurance or some sort of mental health system to check your mom in possibly for her own health? The police would help to do this if it is a situation that is unmanageable for you? I don’t know what to tell you, I’m sure you want to stay with all your siblings and social workers can’t always keep families together if no family can take you in.

Yes honey ,It IS serious.You are doing a bang up job of taking care of things and its rare to find someone to care and do so much for their family ,but Its not your Job.Give it some thought.Make a list or go through an address/phone book to get some ideas of adults that you think can help.If not then talk to her doctor,be sure and tell him/her all you can and ask directly if they will contact someone for you.

good point felicity, talking to the doctor might be a good idea

Yes, and doctors have dealt with this kind of situations. Maybe ask him an advice if there are instances when he handled the same as yours. Tell him you need some guidance on this.

unknown101 wrote:
her radiation doctor doesnt know that she drinks, buut i managed to keep her away from alcohol when she was on pain meds which the doctor warned us that alcohol could not be taken with.

Yes talking to the doctor honestly and factually would be a very good idea:).

your dad is thinking about moving in with your mom? is that right? If thats right, Is it a real good possibility this will happen or do you think its just talk?

No, thats good .I was just getting to that actually.About how you are dealing with all this,your feelings and all,were here for that too.I’ll be right back,go ahead if you want to add more

You can come hear and talk to us anytime:). You are not being selfish.

Your right to talk to your freind(s) about your problems and your right in that you should be heard so don’t feel bad at all.Its a complex and sensitive situation and some people cant handle hearing about these things,and theres other reasons too.It doesnt mean that you did anything wrong or stupid or selfish.-It just means you have to keep trying till you find someone to listen and you did that,so good you didnt give up.that was wise to come here.-1) Your education should be your #1 priority .2)this situation would be very difficult for even the strongest adult to have.3)All this lying and alcohol really concerns me.You may see it as normal,but its not a healthy way to live and no-one should have to live like that.What about your brothers dad,do you think he would take good care of her?

I see your a Christian,is there someone at church you could go to ?

Oh, i just seen that reply,Your welcome.sure You can add me and I would love it if you keep me posted :D

I want you to realize how special you are, school is going to be your best friend:). You are going to finish and take good care of yourself and your own family someday:) with the degree you are going to get. You are a strong girl, you are smart, and are going to break the mold that the women in your family seem to all be fitting into.

You are one good,intelligent,kind person.I’m sure you will be fine ,remember ‘Anything is possible with God so keep talking to him even about the smallest of things.He is beaming with pride right now,looking down at you saying ‘With you I’am well pleased. :D

Also, even if you don’t attend church on a regular basis,Im sure they would do all they can to help.

I’m saying a prayer for you and your mom right now! Never underestimate the power of prayer and faith!

unknown101 wrote:
and as you could probably tell i am a horrid speller so i do apologise for that.LOL

Who isn’t?

You be strong and don’t believe what anybody predicts as your downfall, everyone said I was never going to survive my childhood, that I would be a looser. I put myself through college, worked full time and raised a child at the age of 17.

I don’t take no sh## off anyone, but I’m very kind and fair:) and I work very hard. Jesus has been in my heart since I was 16 and is the strength that no one in this world could ever break in me.

I think this calls for a group hug .lol.then I have to go for a while- (((HUGS)))

thank you so much, words do not describe my gratitude to you wongerful women, your the first people that have listened to me complain for a long time. virtual huggs always make me laugh so right bak at you.:)

unknown101 wrote:
good for you :)i bet he is proud

Who is proud?

jesus, for keeping faith and keeping strong even though you were faced with obstacles.

LOL:)! I think he tolerates us, he did have to come and die for us. My best hope is that I put a smile on his face from time to time:).

i know many people who would have given up,, but you didnt, that is a couragous thing and should be admired

SoulRising wrote:
LOL:)! I think he tolerates us, he did have to come and die for us. My best hope is that I put a smile on his face from time to time:).

Ya- no kidding, he didnt know what he was getting himself into.-just kidding

Giving up is not a choice:) I just do what I gotta do:) I want the WHOLE enchilada!

:)

Felicity-{KIMKRISS} wrote:
I think this calls for a group hug .lol.then I have to go for a while- (((HUGS)))

Felicity do you know what happens at group hugs?

Anonymous wrote:

SoulRising wrote:
LOL:)! I think he tolerates us, he did have to come and die for us. My best hope is that I put a smile on his face from time to time:).

Ya- no kidding, he didnt know what he was getting himself into.-just kidding

I think he summed it all up when he said “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do”.

SoulRising wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

SoulRising wrote:
LOL:)! I think he tolerates us, he did have to come and die for us. My best hope is that I put a smile on his face from time to time:).

Ya- no kidding, he didnt know what he was getting himself into.-just kidding

I think he summed it all up when he said “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do”.

ya… i hope so, i hope we havent let them down

What happens in group hugs???????

Group hug:):):):)!

unknown101 wrote:
woa my anon thing was on. sorry i have been the same person. i promise

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! LOL:!

I have to go walk my dogs before the sun sets:) brb!

Oh, kid.
I was invited by littlenick, but did not see it until now. I read all the text above, and I can’t help my tears. NO kid is supposed to go through this! You are so amazing, and you have touched the hearts of many.
Never, ever be afraid of asking for help.
I guess there is nothing I can do that can’t be done better by the above, because they are awesome and caring people.
But never hesitate to ask, I’ll be around whenever you want to talk.
Hugs!

Just getting to my invites now. Sorry for the delay.

You are dealing with much more than you every should honey. you are indeed a phenomenal young person. I know how it is to be the caretaker because mky mother had breast cancer too. Please remember even the caretaker needs to take time for themselves. Please take timem for you too. DOn’t allow yourself to get stressed out to the pont of breakdown.

Your mother is indeed scared and to her it easier to ignore the problem and drown herself in a bottle right now. Have you ever talked to her when she is not drinking and tell her everything you are feeling and beg her to take care of herself because you and your family need her very much?

Talking to her doctor is a good idea.

Are there any couselors you can talk to?

Hang in there. We are here to support you.

thank you guys. ill be fine no worries or tears, please.
im am not amazing i just do what i have to do, thank you thouh. its so nice to have people that care now, to listen

ill shout this to you also, but thanks again for your replies.
my mother isnt going to do chemo, she may not need it but she refuses to find out and she refuses to take the medication. we have insurance and it covered a litle of the radiation-the only treatment she agreed to.

I hope ur mother and u are well