Love help: I am begging all those who read this to forgive me for putting my problems on them, but I am seriously confused and scared and need help.

liszueiside

I am begging all those who read this to forgive me for putting my problems on them, but I am seriously confused and scared and need help.

I am 26 years old and been with someone for 5 years, married two. I have always known that he has a hefty past, filled with a woman he adored and chidren that although are not his DNA 8 years of raising them made a huge impact on his life and theirs.

When we first got together about 3 months into our relationship he left me and went back to her. He dissapeared for 4 days and when he came back what he said was that he was in love, and that he loved me, bt we couldnt be together at that time. I was devastated. About 2 months after that, and so much drama I cant even explain we get back together. The whole time he is telling me he doesnt talk to her, he does and years go by, small incidents here and there and finally we had come to a point where I thouht we were past that, and a phone call at 5.27 in the morning. It was her. He tried to lie to me and say someone had called from a different number but he mentioned the area code and we dont know anyone in that area code but her and her kids.

Now I am faced with, her back in our lives, him telling me that he onoy wants her kids in his life and nothing to do with her, but if that is the case then why even call at 5.27 in the morning? Her kids are 24, 23 and 17. If they were looking for him they could have called him not her and at that time. I cant deal with it. So i tell him I want out and he tries to turm the tables on me and make it all my fault. This time I am being a little bit stronger and let him know I want no part of this new can of worms and then it turns into “isnt our marriage worth anything to you” into “dont you love me” into ” lets work it out, some way where I can have you and them too”

I feel forced and horrible. Forced because I will not satnd for these young men to be a part of our lives because of things that happened in the past. And horrible, because he loves those kids, and it is not their fault that their mother cannot seperate her feelings, not even for their sake.

I want out, but then everything else is so wrong, I cant afford our house, the things we own, I cant even afford my cell phone at this point. I do have a job but no money saved for a place of my own.

So I see now way out. I feel, forced, suckered, worthless, ugly, lied to. I want to walk into the middle of traffic and just die. I dont know what I am supposed to do. I cant concentrate, think, cry, laugh, breathe. Everywhere I turn I see her area code. Everything makes me sad and I cry all the time. Meanwhile he calls me and tells me he loves me. But then calls her and talks to her about the kids. Tries to make excuses as to why she was calling his number. Tells me how happy he is that he talked to her son.

I seriously dont wanna live anymore. I have committed myself to this relationship so much that I forgot what it is to be alone.

I need help!!

This open post was written 1 year, 4 months ago | V/U/S: 149, 8, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post liszueiside may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. liszueiside is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 4 months and has 1 posts and 8 replies to their name.

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SoulRising 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (20 minutes after post)

It sounds to me like you don’t trust him and you are selfish. Which is it?

chris_bras #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (22 minutes after post)

Hi,
you’re not going to like this but that doesn’t make it any less true. Imagine the sickness you’re feeling, the sickness, depression and confusion. Multipy that by the first number you can think of and you may get some impression of what it feels like to not be able to see your kids.
I’m not saying you have it easy or should trust him alone with her, but you need to be the bigger person here and maybe suggest she drops off the kids with the two of you once in a while. If you suggest this and he tries to convince you it’s not your place and he want’s to go and see them alone then he’s basically dropped himself in it. Don’t take my word as read but that’s my opinion based on the little you’ve wrote.

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SoulRising 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (1 hour, 20 minutes after post)

I wouldn’t assume anything I would ask my husband and then if I couldn’t trust him I would question my marriage, possibly say goodbye:( maybe you are both not in the same place at the same time. If I where you I would get to know the boys as well:) I would open my home and see if they where a pleasure to be around, if they weren’t good kids I would ask my husband to not invite whichever one(s) back. What are you afraid of, it isn’t those kids?

SingerInPurple 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (3 hours, 6 minutes after post)

I feel bad for you…my advice is to stay with him until you can save up enough money to make it on your own; HOWEVER, maybe while you wait you can reevaluate this, and set up times where you and him spend some time alone…just hang in there! Good luck!

Help me with: What should I do?

liszueiside 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (15 hours, 45 minutes after post)

I have to say thank you for your advice. Honestly I want to address Chris_bras first. I have thought about the pain someone might suffer if they cant see their own children, and although they are not his at all he did raise them for 7 years, I imagine he feels terrible, just like I do or even worst. In saying that, I have to say that if he wants to be with the kids, I want him to be them. THe “kids” we are talking about here are 23,24 and 17 by the way, and in 5 years that we have been together they have never made contact with him. But the ex keeps calling and then saying “oh, my son wanted to talk to you” and always drama comes from it. I am sorry for my husband, he loves them and thats ok. He can leave and be with them. I am not asking for help on how to deal with it, because I am not going to accept it, they are not his kids and they are grown men, atleast two are. They all know he is not their real father and he told me himself that he never had them call him dad or othing like that he was like a friend. He can go ahead and be with them. I told him I wasnt going to even make this a hard thing for him.

Because I cant afford the house I told him he could keep it, and everything in it. He keeps saying that he loves me and I need to stay with him and he will show me that he can be part of their life and ours. I dont want part, I want all. I want us to have our own family. That woman and her children are his past. I believe he needs to let go of the past and focus on the future but he is not doing that.

As for Soulrising, I am being selfish, because I want him to focus on the great things we can build. I dont want him to erase his past, if not learn from it so that this same errors dont happen in the future. Also, I want him to leave me alone! I want him to be happy and if they make him happy them I want him to be with them. But he insists on trying to have us be together and force me to agree with bringing these people back into our lives.

What I wrote yesterday, I wrote it because I need help with me. He is fine, I am still around and he still has the boys and her. He is living it right now. I am the one that feels like a piece of crap. I try to feel better but anything sets these negative feelings off and there I am in the kitchen cutting myself.

I thank all of you that read my post and replied. Thank you for making me feel special.

Liz

I have to say thank you for your advice. Honestly I want to address Chris_bras first. I have thought about the pain someone might suffer if they cant see their own children, and although they are not his at all he did raise them for 7 years, I imagine he feels terrible, just like I do or even worst. In saying that, I have to say that if he wants to be with the kids, I want him to be them. THe "kids" we are talking about here are 23,24 and 17 by the way, and in 5 years that we have been together they have never made contact with him. But the ex keeps calling and then saying "oh, my son wanted to talk to you" and always drama comes from it. I am sorry for my husband, he loves them and thats ok. He can leave and be with them. I am not asking for help on how to deal with it, because I am not going to accept it, they are not his kids and they are grown men, atleast two are. They all know he is not their real father and he told me himself that he never had them call him dad or othing like that he was like a friend. He can go ahead and be with them. I told him I wasnt going to even make this a hard thing for him.

I thank all of you that read my post and replied. Thank you for making me feel special.

Liz

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Love help: I am begging all those who read this to forgive me for putting my problems on them, but I am seriously confused and scared and need help. - Help.com

I am begging all those who read this to forgive me for putting my problems on them, but I am seriously confused and scared and need help.

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