Those of you who didn’t trust me were right.
I’m real to nobody and I’m not even real to myself.
I have decided that I will not change.
I have decided that this is not something that I will regret.
It’s all a game, everything is.
Life is a game, and I’m winning, so why should I surrender it all?
For the sake of some security and a little peace of mind.
To me, it’s not worth it.
But I am different from you, so I don’t expect you to follow this train of thought.
It’s interesting, that’s all it is, and I somehow found this ugliness beautiful.
And for the first time I’ve seen a beauty that I don’t want to destroy.
You were right and so was I.
It’s all a game in the palm of my hand.
Think what you will of me, but it’s time for me to disappear.
I’ll disappear back into the person you want me to be.
I’ll don the mask of the person you love.
It’s better that way, it’s more real that way.
It’s the truest reality that I have ever known.
Because all I do is lie. And when I sprinkle in the truth no one is any wiser.
I’ve lifted off the personalities of other people and adopted their thoughts, their ideas, their ways of thinking.
I have spent my entire life studying you and each day I’m getting closer and closer to knowing how you work.
Isn’t it strange? I’m learning what it means to be human. But if I must learn it, then what am I?
But I’ll disappear for the sake of peace.
No one wants to see my face among the people they love.
And that’s understandable.
So I’ll BECOME the person you love.
I’ll be the one to charm you with humor, wit, and romance.
And all your life it will never be necessary for you to know who I really am.
And it will not affect you in any way.
And you will be content to know that I am a shoulder to lean on, a guardian angel, a benevolent stranger, a generous volunteer, a responsible member of the community, a coworker who’s got your back, a theologian to trust and guide you, a faithful student, a dedicated teacher, your role-model, your lover, your neighbor, your best friend.
You will be content to believe that I am normal.
I’ve always thought that you can never, ever, truly trust a person.
It’s a maddening truth that you can never completely know who they are.
You will NEVER know all their secrets.
You will never even suspect their wildest thoughts.
You can NEVER know what they are capable of. doing. thinking.
But if they take the secret to the grave, does it matter?
Do you love them any less? No. You have no reason to.
Because you cannot know.
Is that good? Is that bad?
I am not one to decide.
I only live with the life I’m given. Use the body I have and the mind I possess.
I will not change, that much is clear.
You may not like me, but as soon as you direct your thoughts at this person I will be long gone away.
I’ll be on the other side, next to you, condemning.
Because that is the person you’d like me to be.
That much is clear.
You may hear about me in the future.
Whether it will be of my success or my failure I do not know.
And neither will you for that matter.
And you will judge, not knowing that I am really just sitting right next to you.
And I will judge, because that’s what I am supposed to do.
This may seem wrong.
But to me that is impossible.
I may seem restricted, may seem chained.
But in reality, I have never been more free.
This is goodbye.
I have said all that I have intended to say.
This is the end of this person that you’ve come to know.
Consider them erased as a conscious being.
I am not gone, I am just ‘not present’.
I am here as I always will be.
Because I can only be who I am.
I only wonder,
if you aren’t real, even to yourself, then what are you?
You are me.
Since writing this post Lacunahas helped in 3 other users' posts within the last 4 days.
Lacunais a verified member,
has been around for 3 months, 1 week
and has 10 posts
and 584 replies
to their name.
“But I am different from you, so I don’t expect you to follow this train of thought.”
You keep thinking that you’re so unique and no one is like you. And we keep telling you that everyone has a dark side, you just delve deeper into yours because you think about it too much. Pull yourself out of this slump and allow yourself to be happy.
You have much to be happy about, unlike many.
Yea shes good. I hope you get the help you need and stop acting like this. Its scary to be honest but i guess to you its a joke, you laugh at the people who think differently than you and who dont understand you. But whatever, as long as you dont harm anyone im good.
Good bye
Yes I’m beginning to think she posts on this site merely to get compliments on her writing skills. It’s only a suspicion, but a growing one. The reason I question her intentions is because I have spent hours in her threads with other people and she will never listen to anyone’s advice. She seems proud of her sadistic tendencies and will not believe that she is not unique for having a dark side.
lol Eccedentesiast. We had a thread the other day on confessing if we’d ever fantasized about killing someone. It was full of people saying YES!
Eccedentesiast wrote: eh, well, i for one have not yet had the ‘pleasure’ or entertaining thoughts of homicide…but if that is normal, then that explains it, since normalcy rarely ever seems to grace my presence. :)
Chameleon wrote: lol Eccedentesiast. We had a thread the other day on confessing if we’d ever fantasized about killing someone. It was full of people saying YES!
Eccedentesiast wrote: eh, well, i for one have not yet had the ‘pleasure’ or entertaining thoughts of homicide…but if that is normal, then that explains it, since normalcy rarely ever seems to grace my presence. :)
oh dear. what an disconcerting way to comfort someone! :)
Chameleon wrote: lol Eccedentesiast. We had a thread the other day on confessing if we’d ever fantasized about killing someone. It was full of people saying YES!
Eccedentesiast wrote: eh, well, i for one have not yet had the ‘pleasure’ or entertaining thoughts of homicide…but if that is normal, then that explains it, since normalcy rarely ever seems to grace my presence. :)
oh dear. what an disconcerting way to comfort someone! :)
ROFL omg no it wasn’t like that! A member made a post saying “Ok come on admit it, who all of you have fantasized about killing someone you hate?” So people went in and told the truth.
Chameleon wrote: lol Eccedentesiast. We had a thread the other day on confessing if we’d ever fantasized about killing someone. It was full of people saying YES!
Eccedentesiast wrote: eh, well, i for one have not yet had the ‘pleasure’ or entertaining thoughts of homicide…but if that is normal, then that explains it, since normalcy rarely ever seems to grace my presence. :)
oh dear. what an disconcerting way to comfort someone! :)
ROFL omg no it wasn’t like that! A member made a post saying “Ok come on admit it, who all of you have fantasized about killing someone you hate?” So people went in and told the truth.
ah, what a more innocent way of putting it. almost sounds cutely recreational. ALMOST. :)
Anonymous#
2 months, 4 weeks ago (50 minutes after post)
hah, she’s saying that she’s gonna be the same, despite everything that happened in that last post! whatever is right, but it’s a big slap in the face for anyone who fell for it.
Why are people still replying to her post and shes not even online anymore. We are just feeding her ego even more. She doesnt want help so leave her post….
Chameleon i think apt is Sicko. Read her post she said “ever since i was five years old I’ve been drawn to morbid interests”. Which happens to be the same age sicko started having “evil” thoughts.
well it would matter if she was one of those people who played a large part in her posts. for example, if she was you (which i’m gonna assume is false), she’d be setting up an entire conversation simply for show.
skyy wrote: Chameleon i think apt is Sicko. Read her post she said “ever since i was five years old I’ve been drawn to morbid interests”. Which happens to be the same age sicko started having “evil” thoughts.
ha ha, maybe it’s similar, but i’ve never been drawn to hurt anyone or myself. i’m happy being apathetic.
just trying to think outside the box guys, no need to go all witchhunt on people. like ecce said, if it’s a social experiment, then a reaction is what she wants.
but oh well. i’ll take skyy’s advice and stop humoring her and replying to this.
skyy wrote: Chameleon i think apt is Sicko. Read her post she said “ever since i was five years old I’ve been drawn to morbid interests”. Which happens to be the same age sicko started having “evil” thoughts.
Could be that sicko is apt…but who cares? I can’t see how it would make any difference if she turned out to be anyone of our members. Well…except for that fact that if it was a member I respected that would be over.
apt wrote: well it would matter if she was one of those people who played a large part in her posts. for example, if she was you (which i’m gonna assume is false), she’d be setting up an entire conversation simply for show.
As I posted earlier on this thread - I suspect she just posts for show, attention, compliments on her writing, and to watch the shock factor reaction.
Whatever apt, as for now you are sicko and thats that. You replied to my post and now you are making us think you arent sicko. Im done with this. Please dont reply on my post and i wont reply on yours.
Your little game you like playing isnt really that amusing or at least to me its not. Not anymore. So have fun writing your little stories and getting reactions out of people. But im done bye
My god - it was a typical Emo poem that any 15 year old with half a brain could write. And remember you can copy and paste anything on the internet so who is to say this person even wrote it.
Trolls usually use other people’s work so I always assume that the majority of poems here have been nicked from MySpace.
Lighten up guys - dont get sucked into arguments about who is who.
After all it’s highly unlikely any of you are ever going to meet.
it’s quite interesting how many emotions have been stirred as a result of a single poem. of course i wrote this, but even whether i did or not is in fact irrelevant. what is most inriguing is to see how so many people’s opinions change with a simple revelation of words…
it is also interesting what chameleon said in response:
Chameleon wrote: “But I am different from you, so I don’t expect you to follow this train of thought.”
You keep thinking that you’re so unique and no one is like you. And we keep telling you that everyone has a dark side, you just delve deeper into yours because you think about it too much. Pull yourself out of this slump and allow yourself to be happy.
You have much to be happy about, unlike many.
perhaps this i what i’ve been trying to get at all along. don’t get me wrong, i am content with life, i am simply trying to understand the human being. i do not understand it at all, but if people are in actuality just like me, then this world is a lot more complicated and roundabout place than i have previously supposed.
as much as the people closest to me have no idea of my true int