CLOSED
SMiLe :)
(Maybe some rude ones ;)
Appropriate “F” Word Usage
TOP TEN TIMES IN HISTORY WHEN USING THE “F’ WORD WAS APPROPRIATE
#10 — “Scattered F___ing showers, my ***!” - Noah 4314 BC
# 9 - “How the f___did you work that out?” Pythagorus, 126 BC
# 8 - “You want THAT on the f___ing ceiling?” - Michelango, 1568 BR>
# 7 - “Where did all those f__ing Indians come from?” - Custer, 1877
# 6 - “It does so f___ing look like her!” - Picasso, 1926
# 5 - “Where the f___ are we?” - Amelia Earhardt, 1937
# 4 - “Any f___ing idiot could understand that!” - Einstein, 1938
# 3 - “What the f___ was that?” - Mayor of Hiroshima , 1945
# 2 - “I need this parade like I need a f___ing hole in my head!” - JFK.1963
# 1 - “Aw c’mon, who the f___ is going to find out?” - Bill Clinton, 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stupid Lawsuits
1. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
2. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor’s beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3. A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hub caps.
4. A. Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink spill and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
5. Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn’t reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner’s insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
6. A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, $780,000 after breaking her ankle by tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson’s son.
7. This year’s favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner’s manual that he couldn’t actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walmart greeter
A very unattractive, nasty, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids.
The Wal-Mart Greeter, after saying hello asks, “Are they twins”?
The ugly woman snarls, “Hell no, the oldest one, he’s 9, and the younger one, she’s 7. What made you think they were twins. Do they look alike to you?”
“Hell no,” replied the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice.”
This closed post was written 1 month, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 161, 10, 5 | Edit Post | Report Post
Reciprocity (20) 
Since writing this post ~LazyDaze has helped in 20 other users' posts within the last 4 days. ~LazyDaze is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 3 months and has 131 posts and 10,702 replies to their name.
Replies (10)
Where were you?
You can also watch events on Help.com as they happen
BlindOptimism
WashuChan
Dots
ne'e
~LazyDaze closed this post.
~LazyDaze edited this post 1 month, 2 weeks ago. Read the previous text »
SMiLe :)
(Maybe some rude ones ;)
Appropriate “F” Word Usage
TOP TEN TIMES IN HISTORY WHEN USING THE “F’ WORD WAS APPROPRIATE
#10 — “Scattered F___ing showers, my ***!” - Noah 4314 BC
# 9 - “How the f___did you work that out?” Pythagorus, 126 BC
# 8 - “You want THAT on the f___ing ceiling?” - Michelango, 1568 BR>
# 7 - “Where did all those f__ing Indians come from?” - Custer, 1877
# 6 - “It does so f___ing look like her!” - Picasso, 1926
# 5 - “Where the f___ are we?” - Amelia Earhardt, 1937
# 4 - “Any f___ing idiot could understand that!” - Einstein, 1938
# 3 - “What the f___ was that?” - Mayor of Hiroshima , 1945
# 2 - “I need this parade like I need a f___ing hole in my head!” - JFK.1963
# 1 - “Aw c’mon, who the f___ is going to find out?” - Bill Clinton, 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stupid Lawsuits
1. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
2. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor’s beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3. A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hub caps.
4. A. Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink spill and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
5. Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn’t reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner’s insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
6. A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, $780,000 after breaking her ankle by tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson’s son.
7. This year’s favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner’s manual that he couldn’t actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walmart greeter
A very unattractive, nasty, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids.
The Wal-Mart Greeter, after saying hello asks, “Are they twins”?
The ugly woman snarls, “Hell no, the oldest one, he’s 9, and the younger one, she’s 7. What made you think they were twins. Do they look alike to you?”
“Hell no,” replied the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice.”
This post has been closed, no more replies. Thanks!
Invite Others to Help
Seeing as this post is closed, no invites are allowed.