You’ve known the one guy forever. Be straight with him. When you DO feel that connection again, don’t ignore it. Go for the gold, what ever way that might exist for you. Over that length of time, you must have developed a STRONG bond, but keep in mind that the past four years are a HUGE part of your development as a human being. The two of you might have grown more different than you realize.
On the otherhand, Pat is someone who DOES know much more of who you are now. But he doesn’t know how the wonderful you came to be. It depends on how much you like connecting the past and the future, and how much you want to start life like every day is the first day.
I had a friend who thought he was gay; it was a phase. I’m not sure why he believed it, but i think it’s because he was just going through a confusing time in his life.
… Talking to both of them, and seeing their reactions may alone help to clarify your thoughts.
Pat has gone back and forth. He says its a phase, then says no, he’s gay. it’s like every other week the boy is gay and then not. Scott has changed in ways, but somehow the changes that we’ve had don’t change our relationship. We’re still the same in a way. I just don’t want to complicate the friendship, because he’s going through a REALLY rough time. I’ve talked to Pat. He just says he doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say, and I must admit I’m not good at explaining things, when I say that some of the things he does, hurts me, he thinks in the literal, physical way. And then I just give up.
Sorry, It doesn’t seem that either one are for you. Love them both as friends, but look to all that you deserve.
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befor talking to eather one for time you should look deep in seid yourself
If it means enough to you, you should try and persist through the explanaion… I’m absolutely horrible at giving explanations:P… I say one thing, mean another, and i can see people scratching their heads:P. It really sounds like you place more faith in Scott, but this could be the mood of the moment you’re in. And if you’re wrong and Scott DOES like you just as much (and hasn’t been acknoledging it like you), then this could be a part of his really rough time. You can always mention it, and then if you notice that he’s giving you the exasperated look, say that you’ll discuss it another time?… Or you can literaly introduce him to the topic by saying “Do you mind talking about something… about you and me?”, or something like that. He’ll be able to sense where it’s going (though he’ll play dumb, like everyone does),and if he goes through with it, maybe it’s a good thing… If he switches topic, it might be a better idea to wait until a good time.
And as for pat, what sort of stuff does he hurt you with?
I guess I put more faith in Scott because…well I don’t know. I’ve always felt safe with Scott, no matter what. And the last time he visted, we were in my room and he was sitting on my bed, and he was just like you’re my bestfriend ever, you know that right. And I was like well you’re mine too. And I felt he wanted to say something more, but then he got distracted ha.
Pat hurts me emotionally by throwing other people in my face, but not meaning to…? I don’t think he’d ever intentionally hurt me because when I told him he hurt me, he said that he didn’t want to hurt me because when I’m sad, he’s sad. I feel safe with Pat, but sometimes when he gets angry he scares me. He would never ever get violent, but the yelling at random things scare me.
In otherwords, Scott=emotionally stable. Pat=not as emotionally stable.
Scott=possible, but not completely sure. Pat=definite, but you’re not completely sure about him.
And it sounds like Scott’s trying to make half-ditch efforts too. And “he got distracted”, sounds like it translates to “he put it off because he lost courage”. Boyz just need the shove sometimes, no matter how much you’d rather that he made the first humungous leap:)
With Pat, it sounds like he believes he really likes you, but it doesn’t sound like he’s secure enough with his own life to be secure enough in a balanced relationship…
if i was you i would pick scott. pat sounds more like he needs a frined and with him yelling at you its not right
Scott is so funny, because he knows he can tell me anything in the world and I would listen fully, but he never seems to say whats really on his mind, like the important stuff. I’m really close with his older brother, and I thought about asking him about Scott, but I don’t know. I got too shy, or something.
Pat, I’ve just marked off as incredibly confusing. On one of the weeks he was straight he said he liked me as more than a friend, a week later he changed his mind. He does seem scared of relationships, but I’m afraid thats just me doing that wishful thinking crap.
Pat doesn’t like you if hes the same guy from the other post of yours. He just seems like he’s confused and overly flirty. lots of people flirt even wehn they don’t like you like that. Go with Scott, tell him how you feel, and see what happens. The worst that can happen is he doesn’t feel the same and it might be weird for a while, but you two sound like such good friends that you will get over it. The best is that he will feel the same and maybe you will get together.
yeah Pat is that guy. And I think relationships scare me. I seem to find a way to talk myself out of something that could be good for me, and talk myself into things that probably won’t make me feel any better in the end.
I’m supposed to see Scott before the end of summer, and if I can I’ll tell him then. But seeing Scott, sometimes doesn’t happen for months. that would be the only problem about being with Scott. I wouldn’t actually be with Scott. ya know?
that is when you guys have to sat a time to talk one the phone or something there is always a way to make it work.
How old are you? Is there any way you could be closer more often? even if not, if its truly meant to be, a long distance relationship won’t be too much of a problem until you can.
jessic_spec wrote:
that is when you guys have to sat a time to talk one the phone or something there is always a way to make it work.
If it comes to that its ok, but in person is always better for something like that. it makes it easier to judge their reactions and see how they really feel.
At least you’ve got one answer to your problem… now you just have to deal with the other zillion popping up:P…
i was saying ones they got togother seeing that they could not be close all the time
I’d do it in person. And I’m almost 18. But I know if I get in a relationship, it’ll change how much time I can spend with Pat. And I spend a ton of time with Pat.
lol. Same age:P. I’m actualy about to deal with a bit of long-distance in the fall… What are your plans for next year? If you’re plan is for PostSecondary Education and you’ve been accepted for first year, you could always try a transfer for the 2nd year if you’re heart is set on Scott. And it’s a shame that as a friend, Pat won’t be able to understand that you’re a human being, and therefore not expected to make perfect decisions 24/7, especially if it means the best decisions for HIm, and not for YOU.
You can’t limit yourself and you love life for someone who doesn’t want you. You’ll just have to balance the two, but make sure if you do to be considerate of Scotts feelings on that and try not to make him jealous. make sure he knows he’s the one you’re with and he can trust you.
if you can drive then you can go see him
depends on the distance though. Too much=waaay too high on the already expensive bills. Which means in between everything she’d have to work waay more shifts, which means limiting the availability time she would have to actualy visit him.
I’m only going to be a senior this year, but the college I’ve wanted to go to since I was in 3rd grade is 20 minutes away from Scott. Scott wants to go to the same college.
I think being considerate of other people’s feelings is one of my strong suits. I seem to try and make everyone else happy, whether I’m happy or not because I guess my happiness comes from theirs.
The only thing about the drive is that its four hours and I don’t know if my parents would be willing to let me go by myself. I’m the baby so my dad is SUPER protective.
:Plol… BUT: you’re almost 18. The instant you are, legal adult. THat means you can tell your dad that you need to get up for yourself. Tell him that you need to make decisions for YOU, and that you truly believe that keeping this relationship alive in any form is VRY necessary, not to mention that since you’re dad already knows him (?), it won’t b as bad as it could be.
Well if it works out, then 1 year isn’t that long to wait. If you go to the same college you could be together alot. When you’re 18 you have you need to learn to put your foot down with your dad. let him know you’re an adult and you can make your own decisions. Don’t be a commanding b**** about it, but convince him that you need more independence.
sweet.pea.10 wrote:
I think being considerate of other people’s feelings is one of my strong suits. I seem to try and make everyone else happy, whether I’m happy or not because I guess my happiness comes from theirs.
I’m the same way.
But still, first things first, you need to tell Scott how you feel. none of it really matters til you get that out of the way and find out how he feels.
yeah, my dad is more for me seeing him then my mom, even though my mom and Scott’s mom are bestfriends too. My dad understands how much I miss Scott and I actually think my dad would drive me up there himself, but he just can’t take off of work and my mom won’t even try. My dad would only be worried about the drive up there. He wouldn’t want me to get lost, even though I have a GPS. He’d be worrying the whole time. He completely trusts Scott. And so do I.
Well if Scott does in fact like you back, you could always get him to drive home for a weekend. And maybe if you have reading week, or something like that, he can pick you up at the beginning of it, and then you’ll be able to see how to get to his place. It’ll give you a chance to get comfortable with the roads before you even attempt them on your own:)… Do your research:). Find out the coachbus lines, or the train tracks, or w/e:Plol… your dad wil feel a lot better with the evidence in front of him:P
Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I’m going to tell Scott about the idea tomorrow morning. I just have to find a weekend where he won’t be busy. He plays baseball 24/7 so sometimes it’s hard to get a hold of him.
meanowre
jk.joo
jessic_spec
Hybrid Theory