My best friend died a month ago.
I’ve been lost since then. I’m trying to work my way through all these feelings and overwhelming emotions, but it seems insurmountable, this hill I’m climbing. The other day I typed Help.com into my web browser and this is where it took me. I don’t think anyone can really help me though. I think this is something that I just have to live through until I feel less lost. It just hurts alot. The first month wasn’t so bad, I was caught up in helping her family make all the arrangements, and I felt numb, shocked, in disbelief. Now, I’m starting to realize what it means for her to be gone. I feel so lonely without her. We saw each other atleast twice a week, every Tuesday, and normally friday or saturday. And now I have all this empty space around me. But it’s more than just the emptiness, I’ve lost the one person who really knew me and loved me anyway. I’ve lost the person who would be there for me no matter what. I’ve lost my movie-viewing pal, my confidante, my companion, my roots, my home. Life doesn’t make sense to me without her. And suddenly I don’t know who I am anymore or what I’m supposed to do.
Since writing this post RTJunker may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. RTJunker is a verified member, has been around for 5 years, 4 months and has 3 posts and 34 replies to their name.
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Try talking about it to her friends or family it might also help a little… But time will heal most wounds…
Wow….. I am so so sorry. it scares me the most to hear you say you dont know who you are anymore. the only thing that I hear everyone say is that time will help ease you back into the right direction. surround yourself with the things that you feel most comfortable around such as her family or try focusing on the good times you had and how you can look forward to sharing those with a new friend. Gosh I wish I could offer more.
I am so sorry for your loss. but what you should do is whenever you think about her think about the good times. Remember the good times you had with that friend. Remember that your friend is in a better place right now. Though you miss them and its hard to get over that they are gone you want to remember them. I know how you feel, i’ve lost family members and my best friend’s brother commited sucide, we all knew how it feels to lose someone and feel lost and alone but the thing you need to do is remember her the way she would have wanted you to. her happy. thats all i can give…
It’s amazing how much of you can actually be a shared personality between friends. The only thing I have experienced close to this is when I moved a long way from home and just couldn’t be the same ‘me’ without my friends, until I met new people who brought that aspect out of me again. It is so understandable that you feel so lost, and accepting that is indeed going to take a long time. I would say don’t try and recreate the friendship the two of you had, just try and find out what it was in your personality that you shared with her and work on being that person yourself, and for her.
I know what you are kind of going through, I lost my son going on 5 years now, at first I was lost then confused,he was my best friend even though he was my son. he was in a car accident, and died from brain trauma,it was my choice to let him go, that’s what he would of wanted. anyway, it does get better over time, all of my family has there days where it is like were is he when we need him, me it is I just cannot believe this happened to my family. A lot of his friends, were and are still lost without my son, he was 17 at the time he died, and his friends still come to me for support. The only advice I can offer is fine someone you can talk to about all the good things you and your friend did, and just keep remembering these, and that your friend is in a lot better place they we are, and also think what would she want you to do? She would want you to move on with your life, you’ll never forget her, but you still have to live. hope this helps.
My best friend died almost twenty years ago, and I went through every one of those emotions. Today, I still think about her daily. The only thing I can say that might bring you comfort is that I have felt, through all these years, that she remains with me. She is still a part of me, and that will never end. I hope it helps.
It must be really tough for you :( but remember nobody can ever take those moment you have shared with her and they will always exist inside you :)
I’m close with her family, so I’ve spent a lot of time over there lately. Her mom and I have talked about what we’re going through. She seems to understand how I feel more than anyone else. She’s feeling a lot of the same things as me. As for reaching out to other friends, it just seems too difficult. No one really gets it, and everyone else’s life just keeps going on as though nothing happened. I’ve isolated myself to some degree. I tried last weekend to go to a going away party for a friend, but I left five minutes after I arrived, because I felt overwhelmed. I don’t know how to interact with people anymore. I can’t stand their looks, or their hugs, or their words of comfort. I can’t deal with people telling me it’s time to try to move on, because it’s not for me. I do see my boyfriend, and I enjoy spending time with him, I laugh sometimes. I also have roommates who I interact with, and my family is there as well. But the gregarious life I led before doesn’t appeal to me right now. I don’t want to go to art shows, or poetry readings. I don’t want to dance and sing. I just want quiet simple moments.
Grieve. That is the only thing you can do. Miss her, think about her, let yourself feel the emotions. They will be overwhelming, but after awhile you will find yourself thinking of her less. But that’s not important right now. Just let yourself miss her.
Your reply right now definitely makes me think you need to follow my advice. Allow yourself to be alone. Don’t force yourself to do everything all the time. Life isn’t going to be the same. And that’s okay. You have her mother, and your boyfriend, and friends and family to support you. They may not understand, but at least know that someone cares and you’ll make it through this.
I hope that helped :)
I am so sorry for your lost RTJ. I lost my best friend Brian 5 years ago and I have been where you are now. I know this part of the grief is extremely hard and confusing to get out of. You head tell you one thing but your heart and body just are not up to it. No words comfort. To those of us who grieve we feel like the world should stop. I know I did. I didn’t understand why everyone still rushed around with their busy lives. I would think “doesn’t everyone understand what the world has lost”. What would she want you to do now?
Don’t focus on getting through the far future. In hard times like this you need to focus on first getting through the hour, then day , then week. Cry, Yell, Punch a Pillow, talk to someone, write your feelings down, watch tv, go to dinner. Do what you feel you need to do to get through this. This will take time unfortunately. Be there for her family. Let your boyfriend help you through this. Your friends may not understand exactly what you are going through but they do realize you are in pain. Talk about her to them, cry, laugh about things she used to do. Honor her memory with them.
I really hope you take my advice. Get back into life gradually. As slow as fast as you need to.
If you need to talk just give me a shout.
Hang in there.
I’m sorry to hear whats happend, really, but if its any help i lost mine the begining of last year. I was 15 then and basically my m8 hung himself in his garage…
I complety understand what your feeling, and your not gonna like this but you will get over it eventually. I know that theres so much you cant talk about anymore because the only one who would listen is gone, its very hard to deal with. You probably dont want to move on, you probably want to keep as much memory and knowledge of her as you can, which is fine but you need to put aside what she actually ment to you, i know this sounds harsh and you probably dont like reading this but its the only way that i recoverd… you need to relax your needs for her, try and think what she would want you to be doing, not what you should have been doing.
again, i’m sorry to hear about whats happend, just take you time and things will get better…
RT, you never let anyone tell you that you should move on, my mother-in-law told me after my sons death to come home and take all of his pictures down and whatever else of his I had laying around and pack it away, I can not do this he is my son alive or dead, and for someone to tell me to move on and forget him, they can kiss my a!!. He will always be their with me in my heart and nobody can take that or your memories away from you. It takes time when you lose a loved one or a close friend, but never let anyone, and I MEAN NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU WHEN YOU ARE TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE!!!!!! I have learned to hide my feelings a lot about my son being gone, and I no it is wrong, but who can I talk to, when everyone else is moving on with their lives? And I have this hole in mine that will never be filled. You do what you have to to get through your loss, and like I said before it takes time, and eventually it does get better.
it happened to me to she was 13 she was hit by a high speed chase van on her way to church i need some help from anyone
I just lost my girlfriend i feel your pain we will get through it.
im just an 11 year old kid and im really sorry for you i really am but your best friend dont want you to be sad now does she? she want you to be going on with your life not crying mournng over her.You will see her when its your time.I know how it feels like I losy my best friens 1 year ago I was 10 years old and we were going to to the carnival my mum took us there in the car but..there was a carcrash.The doctor said that she really bumped her head hard and had brain or head trauma something like that and died…I knew her since we were in dipers in nursery we were like sisters soul mates everything I felt lost like you to but 5 months later I knew I had to let it go Bethany dont want me cying over she wants me happy
hope this helps
I too lost a best friend a month ago. He was 81 and suffered with cancer. The dying process ate away at me even as I had hope for a miracle. Everything I do here at home or where he went such as to Home Depot reminds me of him. Foods he liked, music, and the laughs are gone. I did manage to tape his voice before he passed that had been left on voice mail. I am a disabled vet and turned 61 this summer. I never go out anymore and quit drinking and smoking many years ago. I don’t have any other friends except for my other best friend, my Cocker Spaniel. I also grieve terrible when I lose a pet. There are many poems sites regarding the loss of friends and loved ones that can help. Songs about death helps and last but not least is prayer. During my worst times of grief, I have asked God to help me to cope and looking back, he has. I know I will meet my friend again one day soon and it will be a friendship that never ends.I look forward to that wonderful day because Christ died on the cross for all of our sins and now we have everlasting life. In the Bible it says that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Your best friend waits for you.
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