marriage help: Hi, I am a specialist in the Active Army.

Palantin

Hi, I am a specialist in the Active Army.

I am currently stationed at Fort Bragg, NC. I have been in the military for 8 years. I have 6 children!!! My wife is currently in a child custody battle with her addict exhusband, and the trips to and from philadelphia in our Durango are killing us on gas. The Bills for the lawyer, and gas have put our bills behind so far, its starting to worry me. I pay insane amounts of child support and I have so many things deducted from my paycheck I wind up with $600 a month. I need some help, if anyone can offer some grants I can apply for or even some kind of sponsered vehicle which is better on gas, it would be very helpful. We have no savings and we have no way of getting our bills caught up. My wife has to work and leave me at home with the baby when i get off duty and as of the last 3 months its very difficult because I have to get back surgery in august. She is unable to work as much and we have had no help through military channels!

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Since writing this post Palantin may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Palantin is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 4 months and has 1 posts and 1 replies to their name.

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Philadelphia, marriage, lawyer, Get Back, addiction, August, Fortification, surgery, Battle, Month (Edit Tags) (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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sryshothe #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (10 minutes after post)

$600 a month to feed and house and take care of 8 people… that’s hard. Do you have family that could help you with childcare? Do you have friends whose car you could borrow — or lend them the Durango while you take their smaller car for long trips? Could you learn to cook and eat cheaper things, like lentils, bake your own bread etc. to cut down on costs? I understand time constraints may make it difficult, but consider it. Do you practice effective methods of birth control — please get medical advice on how to do so, because it doesn’t sound like you can afford a lot. Can you talk to the women you are paying child support to and make arrangements for reducing those payments a bit (get any agreements in writing)? At this point you are going to need to call upon your friends and family for help.

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Times' gone mad 6 #
Silver Spring, MD, US | 1 year, 4 months ago (25 minutes after post)

How much of the Army offered assistance have you applied for or used, how many kids are currently in your custody?

The family services generally offer assistance to enlisted active duty soldier’s, and their Dependants (your wife & children).

I second the previous posters question, what sort of birth control are you using? After 6 kids, I’d consider getting a vasectomy which is neither as scary or intense of a procedure.

It would probably be cheaper to take a bus and rent a car (through USAA) for a day or two in Philly—or just take mass transit, the whole visit. If you plan ahead, the cost is lower than last minute, of course.

Help me with: So, sometimes I annoy my Fiance, and sometimes he annoys me…either way, there are so many reasons I love him.

chev.jame 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (38 minutes after post)

Two things (from an Army retiree): don’t drive the Durango, and go by Greyhound, instead. Secondly, tell the lawyer that you cannot afford multiple trips, and that he/she needs to wind this up right away. I have met some exceptionally incompetent lawyers in my time. My present wife had a lawyer who would go into court and ocmpletely lose his voice. Then the judge would begin to berate him. We dropped this turkey and got a female lawyer who wrapped up everything inside of two weeks–and this guy had been dragging out the case for years!

You CAN get some grants through Army Emergency Relief (AER). Ask your commander for a referral.

Personally, I would sell the Durango (Spanish for gas guzzler) and get a more economical vehicle. You are most likely also making payments on it, right?

Do you have military housing? If not, are you on the waiting list? It’s MUCH cheaper than living off post!

You need to work out payment plans for the lawyer. Again, some of these guys will deliberately drain you. You also need to contact creditors and negotiate reductions in both interest and principal. Try the Consumer Credit Counseling (CCC) organization–just don’t deal with ANYBODY. Some of these outfits are out and out scammers.

Your wife needs to work, steadily. Who has custody of her kids right now? If she does, and she has to keep going to Philadelphia to appear in court, her lawyer is not doing his/her job. Tell that person as much!

You’ve got a LOT of financial obligations. You do NOT want to declare bankruptcy, because that can kill your security clearance. And you know what kind of military career you’d have with a security clearance. Also, what’s holding up your promotion to sergeant?

justin.macaron #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (3 hours, 3 minutes after post)

My surgery is holding up my PT test, so i can’t get promoted until I have recovered. Haha, the kids are not all mine, 3 from her past marriage, twins and an older son, and our baby marcus. My son Connor comes to visit on occasion, but i pay support for him and another son named Ryan. My wife and I have marcus our 1 year old, and she can’t really work when I can’t even pick him up, because of my back. My wife has had her tubes tied, FYI. We do cook our own food, and its way cheaper for travel for gas than to put 4 children and two adults on a bus, train or plane. I had a Jeep grand cherokee and I was involved in a car accident, which explains my back, and with as many children as we have the durango is a necessity, there is not enough room in an economical car for us all. I just wish we could afford a second car it would help for me or her getting to work vs. the durango or times when i am stuck at work and she needs milk for the baby. My debts aren’t easily cleared, but I have been working on them and alot of people won’t work with me cause I can’t make payments on anything at this moment due to just trying to survive. Her lawyer is working with us, and doing the best she can, its the State of Pennsylvania that won’t let her take the kids out of state without the court hearing. Its a long story but lets just say the courts have left her kids in the hands of a drug addict who already drove into a wall while high with the kids in the car, and the court still has left them in is custody, because the petition to move out of state has to be heard. My wife has the case wrapped up, her next court date should be the final, and if her ex’s drug test comes back hot, she wins, no contest. We live so far from our famliiy and friends and we have only been here 6 months so there isn’t much help in that aspect. Our family’s are tight budgeted as well. I have had an AER grant for christmas which helped alot, and a Loan last year in AIT for travel when my wife had the baby. I can’t stress enough the situation I am in is bad, the army is my life, and career, I know it will get better, and it will get easier once my back is ok, but until then, help is sparse. I just wish there were other types of grants, besides AER we could apply for, Currently we have a Food Stamp case pending as well, which should help some also.

My surgery is holding up my PT test, so i can't get promoted until I have recovered. Haha, the kids are not all mine, 3 from her past marriage, twins and an older son, and our baby marcus. My son Connor comes to visit on occasion, but i pay support for him and another son named Ryan. My wife and I have marcus our 1 year old, and she can't really work when I can't even pick him up, because of my back. My wife has had her tubes tied, FYI. We do cook our own food, and its way cheaper for travel for gas than to put 4 children and two adults on a bus, train or plane. I had a Jeep grand cherokee and I was involved in a car accident, which explains my back, and with as many children as we have the durango is a necessity, there is not enough room in an economical car for us all. I just wish we could afford a second car it would help for me or her getting to work vs. the durango or times when i am stuck at work and she needs milk for the baby. My debts aren't easily cleared, but I have been working on them and alot of people won't work with me cause I can't make payments on anything at this moment due to just trying to survive. Her lawyer is working with us, and doing the best she can, its the State of Pennsylvania that won't let her take the kids out of state without the court hearing. Its a long story but lets just say the courts have left her kids in the hands of a drug addict who already drove into a wall while high with the kids in the car, and the court still has left them in is custody, because the petition to move out of state has to be heard. My wife has the case wrapped up, her next court date should be the final, and if her ex's drug test comes back hot, she wins, no contest. We live so far from our famliiy and friends and we have only been here 6 months so there isn't much help in that aspect. Our family's are tight budgeted as well. I have had an AER grant for christmas which helped alot, and a Loan last year in AIT for travel when my wife had the baby. I can't stress enough the situation I am in is bad, the army is my life, and career, I know it will get better, and it will get easier once my back is ok, but until then, help is sparse. I just wish there were other types of grants, besides AER we could apply for, Currently we have a Food Stamp case pending as well, which should help some also.

This account has been deactivated.

Times' gone mad 6 #
Silver Spring, MD, US | 1 year, 4 months ago (3 hours, 19 minutes after post)

About the car, my suggestion is to look on craigslist, and see if you can find a second car, inexpensively. Also you might be able to find free things, or inexpensive things, jobs etc.

http://fayetteville.craigslist.org/

Help me with: So, sometimes I annoy my Fiance, and sometimes he annoys me…either way, there are so many reasons I love him.

chev.jame 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (8 hours, 7 minutes after post)

Really stupid of the Army to hold up a promotion while awaiting a PT test. Things haven’t changed since I retired . . . anyway, here’s two important links for you:

http://www.debtsteps.com/consumer-cre…

http://209.85.215.104/search?q=cache:…

These CCCS agencies can help you get your interest rates reduced, but you have to be careful. Some will outright scam you. I would advise makin an appointment with JAG to talk to an attorney about getting your creditors on board with a repayment plan.

You said you were in a car wreck . . . was that your fault or someone else’s? I’m asking this because you could be eligible for a cash settlement for pain and suffering IF it was someone else’s fault. I’m not talking about “jackpot justice,” but about fair compensation for injuries.

I hope your wife will be able to work soon, because what you really need right now is some increased cash flow. I would still look at getting a different vehicle than the Durango. I know I couldn’t afford to fill the gas tank on one of those very often!

You could possibly get a part-time job, albeit with your commander’s permission. You have to be careful to make sure the Army stays Number One.

Also, is your wife receiving any child support right now? Or did the fact that she took the kids out of state negate that?

Again, go see a JAG lawyer. If he or she seems clueless, make an appointment with another JAG lawyer. Wish you all the best!

Anonymous #
1 year, 4 months ago (14 hours, 34 minutes after post)

Try talking to Ur Lawyer and see if you have have your child support reduced due to lack of money. Talk to Ur immediate supervisor just to see if he or she has any info they can offer.

Palantin 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (21 hours, 42 minutes after post)

I have attempted to get the child support reduced but because its based off of my lower rank pay, they could actually take more if they wanted. At this time a second job for me would be unheard of unless it would be something i could do at home. Again I am in alot of pain from the wreck and the time i get at home is rest for my back from sitting at work all day. I can hardly operate on a normal level at work because of it. The wreck was the CSM’s fault, and there is a law suit but nothing can be settled till after the surgery. I am applying for an AER grant today, but I was hoping someone might know of an outside agency that I could go to. Again, i saved the links you gave me for the CCC, but I don’t have any extra money to pay towards anything else. She can’t have child support until the state grants her custody, which will be finalized in December, unless we get the results from the drug test or psychological evaluation sooner. I just got the durango after my car accident, so its a new loan, and new payment, about $150 cheaper a month than my jeep. Also my insurance is even cheaper because its a newer truck, for some reason or another. I will check craig’s list for maybe a free car, but I doubt there is any. I have an Upright Wurlitzer Piano for sale on craig’s list, hopefully i can get some hits on that, or any of you are interested in it. Its 2,000 obo. See the ad on Fayetteville Craig’s list for details.

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