Ouch.
First, talk to your parents about how your feeling. They need to know that you’re becoming depressed and having a hard time with the treatments.
Then, talk to your doctor about all of your options. You need to know what your prognosis is now so that you’ll feel more in control.
And talk to your brother. Tell him that if he can’t believe in you and care about you that it just makes it harder for you to deal with the things you have to do.
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You will never be forgotten! Not if you die, not when you live. You are tired of all the nonsense, the pain, the doctors and hospital and really don’t want to do this anymore.
Those who love you can’t be part of this, the pain, nausea, doctors, but they have their own pain. The pain of watching all this and not being able to take it away. The pain of hearing your cries and crying with pain and frustration. They are trying to be strong for you and show a brave front but it drags one down. It hurts to not be able to help. It’s frustrating, infuriating, nauseating, scary and doesn’t allow sleep for more than a few minutes at a time.
But YOU are hurting and the one asking the question. Let’s change that question: Do I want to live? Do I want to live cancer free? Do I want to have a real life? Do I love my family enough to give everything I have to get better?
Hard questions but they put the problem in a new perspective. That of how I relate to others rather than how do they relate to me.
I wish you love and God’s healing and wisdom.
God bless you.
jim
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I promise they haven’t stopped caring. They’re just worn down, as staabis says, and having trouble coping, too. Talk to your doctor about your depression, and see if you can join a support group or something to help you get through the rough patches.
BTW, you will never be forgotten. I guarantee your brother loves you, even if he does have trouble showing it sometimes.
Do you care? Really?? If you really don’t care, why are you looking for help? GOTCHA! It’s hard to care through the pain and the worry but you do! Nurture that feeling. I WANT TO LIVE!! And I will fight for the right to continue on. Use it as a mantra. Repeat it til it means something. Then repeat it more.
There are sources of holistic healing out there I have used for various paltry and serious problems of my own. One of them is www.earthclinic.com Not commercial or requiring a membership. And a lot of GOOD answers.
You care and you want to be well. “I WANT TO LIVE! AND I WILL!!”
jim
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~Forgotten~ wrote:
yea sure he cares…when he goes out the night before a treatment so he can say “well have to reschedule i dont feel good” and hands me the phone to call the doctor. and the better thing is the night im in the hospital after a treatment he goes home with his gf so he knows she’ll be safe and he’ll be back the next afternoon.
Yes; those are signs of being burned out. He’s used up his coping skills. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, but that he’s just worn down, like a battery. Talk to the doctor about it. He can help, I promise. It may take some counselling for everyone, and maybe some kind of group support system for families of people with cancer. Maybe even some meds for him to help him recharge. Either way, there are things that will help, and your doctor will know about them.
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Then tell him that. Just sit him down for a cup of hot cocoa and tell him everything you’ve told us. Have him post here if he needs to. I promise there is support out there, and that you are not alone.
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Never forgotten closed this post.
This post has been closed, no more replies. Thanks!
Dragon_Lady
staabis