Love help: I feel alone….I aint gonna add “so” to that but you get the picture. - Help.com

I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don’t want to laugh, because you know it’s not going to help, but you don’t want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it’s falling apart too. You don’t think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That’s the confusing part, you don’t know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you’re getting happy again, but you know inside that you’re just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you’re back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can’t help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn’t happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don’t know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you’ve had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you’re to the point where you don’t care who see’s. Because you’ve spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it’s not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, “It will be okay…” But you know it won’t. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You’re still hurt, but you’ve learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don’t hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this…

i feel basically the same way: How come she can use me to vent her feelings and secrets, and i can be there for her, but im just a friend? i mean, what else could any normal, intelligent girl want from a guy!? its perplexing

Im not gonna post annonymously now, this is the guy who left the first one……
Ive had quite a while to let go of my past relationship and Im not sure if Im an unusual person but Ive had to demolish a hell of a lot of beliefs, traits and small comforts from inside my head that made me the person I was.(To be honest Im not sure if that was a denial statement.)
One of the worst things is that Im so unsure of myself(not just because of that first relationship) I dont know if Im doing the right or wrong thing in certain situations for example……
For a while there have been a few people in my life who have had tremendous feeling for me and Im just not intrested because they simply do not “float my boat”.
(If you want to judge me for being superficial go ahead) I can see the beauty in people but I cannot be with someone I dont find attractive….And by the way Im not talking about models or whatever just something different.
I digress….
On occasion Ive become intimate with these girls(the ones Im not particularly into) just so I can feel human and wanted for a night or a day….Afterwards I feel as if Ive done an horrific and horrible thing by betraying what I guess mustbe honest and true feeling for me(which of course we all need or we wouldnt be writing these things right?). I have tried on the advice of a very good friend to allow these relationships to evolve in the hopes that the girl in question will grow on me and we’d both find something we didnt know was there and guess what? It didnt happen and after a month I had to end it. She obviously didnt understand and how could I explain it to her anyway?
So in the hope of finding a little refuge from the things thateep me awake at night all Ive achieved is hurting someone who did not deserve it in any way shape or form.
So thats something else that keeps me awake at night and unsure if my motivations are right(do I really care for this person or am i looking for an escape?).