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I’m so insecure and anxious in my relationship, I fear he’ll leave me any day!
The problem is, we’re very compatible except in one aspect. In the beginning everything was perfect and well, he’s very jealous but that didn’t really cause problems. He’d asked me not to talk about my past because of his jealousy. Everything was really perfect.
Well, there was this common friend. And that common friend had been my make out buddy some years before meeting my boyfriend. We all hung out together from time to time. Then one day my boyfriend wasn’t very nice and asked me if I had ever had anything with the friend in the past. I freaked out ‘cos I thought I’d lose him. So I said no. But then immediately i came clean.
This obviously created trust issues and his image of me changed. Now, based on every guy I was with in the past (only kissing, nothing else), he thinks I’m easy and from time to time something may trigger him and he’ll get angry at me for lying and because he thought I wasn’t so easy in the past, he thought I was different.
But most of the time, he’s so sweet and loving! The problem is now I’m filled with anxiety, insecurity and jealousy. I lost all my male friends. But he has some female friends and I feel uneasy about them. I don’t like when he goes out with his friends (I never go out because he thinks I’ll cheat). I don’t fear he’ll cheat, I just fear he’ll meet someone more amazing that he’ll eventually fall for and leave me. Someone more beautiful, honest and just amazing.
He’s usually telling me he loves me and that I’m amazing and beautiful. But sometimes if he’s triggered he’ll say he’s with me until he finds someone better. I also fear he’ll lose interest in me physically - we’ve been together for two years and this has been his first real relationship (mine too) and he’s really young. Sometimes I think he’ll desire other women, and get bored with me.
I don’t feel very beautiful because he says I’m not the only beautiiful girl on Earth, but that i’m the only one he loves. Still, I feel so anxious and insecure and jealous, I fear he’ll leave me anyday because he’ll fall for someone else. He’s talked about marriage, but I fear it won’t happen or if it does it’ll be ruined because he’ll grow bored with me and he’ll meet someone more amazing and fall for her, or want her.
He doesn’t know how I feel and I don’t want to tell him because he already knows I’m insecure about my looks and he’ll become offended that I doubt his love, or he’ll turn the tables and it’ll create a fight.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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