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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
Hard one, how many have you got ??
How many does she want?
Well, I know our situations are a lot different - but I hope you’ll still find what I have to say of some use :)
I’m 19, and I do want children, but not for a few years. My boyfriend is 26, and we get on fantastically - the only problem is that he wants children, I had to sit and tell him he would have to wait. Now, I understand it’s different as in time I will give them to him, but I still think the main issue here is communication, you have to sit down and tell her how you feel, never just do what she wants because you love her and not tell her how you actually feel or you will end up holding resentments. But that doesn’t mean you should disregard all she has to say - find out her reasons for wanting more children and discuss if its plausible (financially, time-wise etc) I think the key is understanding what eachother wants and why
I would simply tell her that you want to talk it over with her, be kind to her. Ask her why she wants more children in a kind and manneristic way, be gentle with her and let her know you love her and want to spend more time with her and communicating with her. Just be open to discussion and be honest, that is what is the most important.
Need you to reply to get to the bottom of this. I am in the same situation but I am the wanter.
children are amazing, have more.
children are amazing, have more.
I agree I wish we had started earlier and had more too
Compromise….take in a foster child….if it works out adopt….
get a vasectomy otherwise she will probably “trick” you
please dont hesitate to tell me Im in the wrong (cyber) place but Im just really having trouble finding people to talk to about this…
I am a 47 yr old Father of one GREAT birth daughter…My wife and I are very happily married ( 20 yrs wedded and 25 together )our daughter is simply the best thing that ever happened to us.
My wife REALLY wants to foster / adopt…or just plain adopt if possible another child…a boy….a 3 to 5 yr old boy. I do not. I am perfectly happy with the way things are. I think that foster / adopt is a truly incredible thing…I have the utmost respect for the people who do it. I feel terribly guilty…and dont know where to turn.
My wife is an only child I am the baby of 7…so it comes as no surprise that I see the calm and manageability of a single child…we’re in our groove…seems fine…just fine.
My wife , again no surprise , knows the loneliness and isolation of being the ONLY child.
We have been discussing it as a family for a few weeks now…but My wife and I have had the conversation a few times over the last several yearsand I have been honest about not wanting to do it and simply remain a single child family we have never used birth control after the birth of our daughter…but a second pregnancy never happened and probably wont now that my wife is in pari-menopause.
whether it is conscious or unconcious my 12 yr old daughter has been brought into the conversation my her mother…and is now side by side with mom , basically both of them lobbying me to get happy and get on board and “want” this as much as they do…I simply don’t. I like our life and family the way it is.
it should be noted that My daughter wants a little brother with the same desire as she wants her own puppy…maybe even less than her own puppy…I am a little upset with my wife for bring our kid into this discussion…but I know that she is part of this family and should have input…my fear is that Im going to wind up looking like the big bad DAD who says no.
I have more history to tell and would love the chance to talk to someone about it all…but again I want to make sure Im not way off trying to do that with you folks here at this site.
Peace and respect,
I have exactly the same situation as you. My Wife and I adopted a special needs girl from China about 14 months ago, she has severe congenital scoleosis and cleft palate, we spent 6 weeks in the hospital with her while she was in halo traction and then surgery to put rods in her back.
Anyway, about 6 months after getting our first daughter, my wife wants to adopt another child, we are both mid-40’s, I have Crohn’s Disease, OCPD (mental disorder), osteoperosis, arithritis, and sleep apnea. I have sat down and listened to wife with patience, explained openly and honestly that I do not have the energy for another child, and that I can’t “take a chance” that everything might be OK once the child is here, I know my limitations. Well she has carried on for 8 months,gotten my 7 year old daughter on her side, and finally I told her again that I just couldn’t do it. Well her response was “we should get a divorce” she said she didn’t mean it but then said it again a week later. I am completely devistated now and we are seeing a marriage therapist, I am so upset I feel like a complete failure, a wimp for not agreeing with adopting another special needs chid, and have thought “I don’t want to live” and have sought a therapist to get myself straightened out. My wife has been living and breathing this adoption thing for 8 months straight, I am beginning to think she has more of an obsession with saving a child than actually caring what is good for us, mentioning a divorce just seems like overkill.
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