life help: ok information before the question, - Help.com

I can see where you’re coming from. I’m sure he just wants you to have more self confidence and he believes you’re beautiful, which I’m sure you are. But it’s just too much of a problem for you, and the comments and stares hurt, so you don’t want to go out. If I had a friend I’d try to make them go out as much as possible to boost their self esteem, but if they didn’t want to I’d understand. If I were you I wouldn’t want to go out. So I have to look at it from both ways. You should just tell him how much they hurt and compare it to how he’d feel if “______”. And you can understand how he wants to help or whatever, but he needs to see it from your eyes.

This is a difficult question. It sounds like your husband loves you exactly as you are and can’t necessarily see why you fear the public’s response. I also expect your husband is trying to prevent you from hiding away. In some respects I think he is right to encourage you to face the world (and all it’s meanness) and to not let the ignorant few prevent you from living your life, on the other hand I can understand you not wanting to put yourself in the position where you have to deal with the pointing and staring from strangers. The only thing I can think of would be to talk to your husband honestly, perhaps show him this post, and explain that you don’t want to hide away all the time, you just need a break every now and again. Please don’t lock yourself away. I wouldn’t point and stare.

Wait, when I said if I were you I wouldn’t want to, I meant I also have self esteem problems which can be hard for people who see me differently, hard to understand. Looknig back on what I said it can sound rather mean.. so I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea.

Would you consider speaking to a cognitive behavioural therapist about this? They could help you to change the way you see yourself.

Maybe soon you will? But you should perhaps try on your own to get comfortable being around other people. And these people are obviously jerks who probably have insecurities so they make other people feel bad.

you know what they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,ask him how he would feel if he had the same problem.
tell him you know how much he loves you etc but your finding it increasingy hard to face the world!lots of people have facial disfigurements-but they manage to get on with their lives (which obviously you dont)i feel for you i really do,these people who take the p are ignorant bigots who you shouldnt even be bothering about!stick 2 fingers up to the world&go for it girl,you have nothing to be ashamed of ou deserve all the happiness you can muster-i hope this is of some help to you x

you know it annoys me so much that adults can be just as cruel as kids!kids would have a lot more respect if we told them about dissabilities etc&what it entails.
your sister should of not planted that seed as you know every seed grows&the more you water it the harder it is to control it(if you know what i mean)no one is going to help you hun,your going to have to do that yourself but the more you dwell the harder it will be x

I agree with what the others say, but would like to add the following.

In your replies you say you wish to be able to see yourself as beautiful.
You probably know that it is up to you to decide you are beautiful, no matter what your looks are.

Place it also in perspective.
Many people that are ‘beautiful’ (according to society standards) don’t feel beautiful either, resulting in numerous problems and issues.
Though in your case it comes your disorder, you probably experience ‘not feeling beautiful’ in a similar way.

Now what is beauty?

Probably I say some stuff you allready know and what has been said here allready.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Your husband thinks you are beautiful, probably both on the in- and the outside.

And your inside is probably gorgeous, reading your post and replies it can hardly not be.

If I understand you right, one of your basic questions is: How can I feel beautiful?

You also say that numerous professionals already tried to help you out here, but didn’t manage to give you this feeling (permanently).

Not sure if I am right here (and please correct me if I am wrong) but perhaps you should start accepting that this is how you look.
And that this look did not stop you from creating the character you have.
It didn’t stop you from getting a loving husband.
It didn’t stop you from getting children.

Your appearance may always be a ‘flaw’ in your own eyes, but we all have them.
We all have things we don’t like and probably never will.

Key is to accept that and focus on what is great about you.

Please note, I am not stating that you are ugly or that it is indeed a flaw, but I do know that it probably won’t help if I just say you are beautiful, as you currently do not feel that way.
Step 1 would be accepting, step 2 (when the time is there) indeed starting to see yourself as a beautiful woman.

About your husband, it might be wise to let him read this. As you find it difficult to tell him, written words may be easier. But sit next too him when he reads it.
He loves you and wants to encourage you, but for him it is difficult to see his wife feeling less beautiful. Therefor he probably wants to take you out, to show his gorgeous wife to the world and to have fun together.
Tell him that you understand that and appreciate it, but that the time is not right.

Keep communicating with each other and allow him to see your feelings.

eh go for it girl,youll have a great time&if people stare just reply yes i do look gorgeous dont i-always be proud of yourself&what you have accomplished because were im standing youve accomplished one hell of a lot,you have people who love you&children youve done a great job with-what a little mark on the face compared to that!hell my **** looks like map of britain lol! but it dont mean im keeping it covered all time no way!be proud of yourself always- you deserve happiness as much as the next girl-you are beautiful&dont let any one tell you any differnt ok x

Forsaken Angel, did you know that alot of people just want to hide. There was a time when I was overweight and I never wanted to go in public, especially to eat because people watched me. People are not nice. I know the issues are different, but the feeling is the same.

Make a deal with yourself, sometimes you feel strong enough to take on the world, and sometimes you don’t. Force yourself to be stong as much as you can. Smile at those that point, especially the kids because they are just curious. What you have makes you stand out, and that is beautiful. You are not a cookie cutter person, but a corageous individual that has a strength inside.

Then on those days when you can not force yourself through the door, allow yourself to hide, but only for one day. That way you can re-fuel your tank of courage. On that day, tell your husband this is your down day. This is the day he needs to extra special so you can let your gaurd down. Then, back at it tomorrow.

You need to conquer this now for your kids sake. What happens if they are in a similar situation? What do you want them to learn from you?

I send you big hugs of encouragement.

eh,well done finally a breakthrough x

Forsaken Angel wrote:
the last 2 posts made me smile i couldn’t help it. you are both very right, my kids are gorgeous and they tell me everyday im pretty. i guess i just need to really see it myself because thats where its gonna change me. so little by little i am gonna go out and see myself through my husband and childrens eyes. i will let my husband read this, writing for me is easier then speaking.

Your kids are telling you the truth.
Because they really see a gorgeous woman.

Maybe tonight, when you are having dinner together or so, you should ask them why they think you’re pretty. It’ll make you smile a bit more and will inspire you. =)

enjoy tonight&make this night the beginning of your new life.
relish it-oh have a drink for me as well will you i drink lager&black,juice will suffice to x

I play the thankful game with my family. We have to tell each other why we are thankful for everyone at the table. It is funny with what kids come up with. It is especially funny when they have to say something about the other kid. They surprise each other sometimes. But it certainly warms the heart.

I have lost most of my weight now, and my son who is 13 says he misses it. I am not as comfy as I used to be. LOL… I thought he was embarassed by it, turns out I was the only one. Funny what you can learn from kids.

If you drink alcohol, open a nice bottle of wine (perhaps even champagne) tonight and celebrate a new step in life with your hubby.

If you don’t drink alcohol, make the best hot chocolate ever (I can give you a recipe…) and celebrate.

Perhaps bake a cake today, your favourite one.

Indulge yourself and your family today.

Mother is taking a new step in life. =)

miskat, I love that idea! I agree you need to celebrate!

one last thing change your name -your no longer forsaken,just angel will do x take care,love to all x

BFree wrote:
miskat, I love that idea! I agree you need to celebrate!

there is a reason daily to celebrate life. perhaps not always for consuming alcohol, but celebrate life. we all should do that more.

Forsaken Angel wrote:

BFree wrote:
I play the thankful game with my family. We have to tell each other why we are thankful for everyone at the table. It is funny with what kids come up with. It is especially funny when they have to say something about the other kid. They surprise each other sometimes. But it certainly warms the heart.I have lost most of my weight now, and my son who is 13 says he misses it. I am not as comfy as I used to be. LOL… I thought he was embarassed by it, turns out I was the only one. Funny what you can learn from kids.

that is very true, kids usually don’t usually see things the way adults do i love my children for seeing beauty in everyone

And which beautiful mother teached them that? =)

Forsaken Angel wrote:
my husband says you all rock

Though I have no clue who he is, he rocks too!
And he should be proud he is married to you! =)

…note to husband…

Perhaps you can think of another way to celebrate tonight?
When the kids are too bed…

Wonderful. You have to come back and tell us how wonderful you are doing and what a wonderful night you had. Take Care!

tony take care of your angel cause shes a diamond&enjoy tonight you both deserve it enjoy x

BFree wrote:
Wonderful. You have to come back and tell us how wonderful you are doing and what a wonderful night you had. Take Care!

Yes! Do keep informing us on the steps you take!

And about informing us on the wonderful night, please only the part untill the kids went too bed… =)

Do remember we are here for you!
For the moments you feel great, but also the moments you feel less.