It’s a complicated situation.
This one def. belongs on this page and I challenge/beg anyone to help. Let’s start off small… (My name is Adam and I’m 22) As far as work/college goes I’m not making a lot of money anymore because I’m not running 5 retail stores full-time like I was. (Area Sales Manager, Journeys, District 38). I’m only working part-time at a deli now (9/hour) so I can go back to school to be a doctor. I can’t afford tuition or to take as many classes as I need and I’m having a hard time getting financial aid. At this rate it will take me ten years to graduate, if ever.
I have a kid. He lives in Florida. His mother Mary is a horrible person. My child support is outrageous. Plus I’ve had to spend 1500 dollars on a lawyer just to get visitation rights (court is in 45 days) because when I started going back to school and not giving her as much money she stopped letting him leave the state of FL (I live in NY). On top of having to pay for his plane tickets to come visit here all the time (2 tickets round trip twice every time and a rent a car to drive from the airport to her house to get him because she is a *****).
I haven’t been in a serious relationship since Liz (the one after Mary) and that was over two years ago. I told myself I wasn’t going to waste my time with someone if it just wasn’t there which has been hard because I haven’t been alone since I was 16. I’ve tried with a few really great girls to make it work and sabotaged myself for whatever reason. Donna the lawyer. Stefanie was fluent in German and smart as hell. Among others. I think I put Liz up on a pedestal and compare her to everyone I date. I feel like I’ve ruined some great relationships I could have had.
Just as I lost Liz I got promoted and a substantial raise. I feel like the money and fancy title shallowly replaced being loved but got old after a couple years. I HATED being that fake person my job required me to be. Not to mention they stole my life away and worked me to the bone. So since I lost all self-meaning I figured helping others would be the best route to go. i.e. medical school
The way me and Liz broke up sucked. She was the last girl I dated right after me and Mary split up. We were together for a while. She loved me and treated me great. Moved to NY with me from her hometown in FL. Tattooed my name on her leg! Got engaged and pregnant. She was a babe. I never trusted her because of my own issues from the past (plus she helped early in the relationship by going back to her ex for an ulcer-enduring weekend) nevertheless it ended. Long story short I called her a waste of life because she wasn’t working for the two months or so we were living here and THATS not even giving her enough credit. She tried to work at a deli but it sucked and she quit. She moved back to FL the next day and supposedly had a miscarriage (or abortion). She never had the baby.
I went from being broke but being loved unconditionally by Liz and not knowing what I had until it was gone forever to being rich with a great job, a 30 thousand dollar sports car, motorcycle, and season tickets to the Giants to now being completely broke in substantial debt with a kid I can’t see from a horrible pain in the *** woman and no love in my life (not to mention I lost the car, the bike, etc.). The icing on the cake I started off the New Year in jail because I got a DWI on my way home from a new years party and I’m still working on getting my license back. Did I mention I was hospitalized twice for anxiety?
Two words. Train wreck.
So to roll it all together I’m at a loss. Got nothing, burdened with many problems I shouldn’t have, and the worst of all god **** I miss that girl. I think about her every day and I haven’t even heard her voice or seen her in over 2 years. I’m empty inside.
Despite my pessimism I’ve tried to get my **** together. I want to be helped and I try to help myself, but it feels like its been a struggle that wont end the last year. One step forward two steps back. Can never catch a break. I’ve got so much on my plate. I’ve lost my faith in myself and even in God. I feel like he’s just an idea made up by people to make life a little less miserable. And honestly, if it weren’t for the small possibility that there just might be a hell where I would suffer eternally I would have ended it a long time ago. But that would be just my luck.
So here’s the question. What the hell am I supposed to do?
This open post was written 1 year, 3 months ago | V/U/S: 269, 1, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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