Seriously, I can’t believe this.
Pat finally hung out with me today. And he met my cousins. One of them is fairly large in the chest. And now Pat is totally crushing. What happened to being gay? Like wow. I’m mad, but then I just think, she’s leaving in two days, he’ll never see her again. I had no idea Pat was THAT shallow. I mean my cousin has a great personality and is totally amazing, but jeez. And it hurts a lot. He totally ignored me the whole time and was totally focused on my cousin. Flirting with her, and hitting on her. I was so annoyed. And all my other cousins knew he had a crush. He isn’t very subtle. Maybe I should get breast implants and then he’d notice me! [I’m being sarcastic.] But seriously. wow. I’m like so mad. And he has no idea. And like I’ve said, Pat is totally aware of how I feel about him. OH! And get this! He wants us [me and my cousin] to go to the pool tomorrow to see him. He’s a lifeguard on base. He’s worked there ALL summer and never asked me to go once. okay this is our conversation after he went home:
Pat: “I came up with a funny joke”
me: “what?”
Pat: ” We should have a jam session! you bring your dads drums, April brings her bongos and I’ll bring the drumstick!” [bongos would be boobs, its another joke that me and April told Pat]
me: “you’re horrible. ha I can’t believe you have a crush on April!”
Pat: “lol So can ya’ll come to the pool tomorrow? That’d be so awesome. please!”
me: “idk. wouldn’t want you to get hard in front of little kids. we’ll see.”
Pat: “Don’t hate. hah that’d be cool though.”
me: “Go to sleep.”
Pat: “please?”
me: “go **** rachel or something” [he mentioned earlier to me that this girl rachel was confused as well about her sexuality so they were going to be **** buddies to figure out themselves]
Pat: “dude whats wrong?”
me: “go to sleep.”
Pat: “tell me whats bothering you”
me: “oh nothing.”
Pat: “I’m sorry for flirting with her but jesus that rack!”
me: “you are a total guy. Like wow.”
Pat: “Okay well I want you to see my workplace. it’s awesome. You can see me bust my *** on the diving board.”
me: “we’ll see.”
Pat: “word. night.”
Seriously, I had all summer to go see his workplace. He could have asked me to come see it anytime before then. I really love Pat, and I agreed to not ask to be more than friends, so I’m trying not to let this bother me, but it’s really hard when his crush is my cousin. I like how he choses to emphasize his straighness NOW. ugh. And then April wants me to go to California to visit her, and Pat wants to go too. Not like he would be able to, but I’d actually want him to come. Even though he completely ignores me when April is around, I’m just so glad to be with him again. I was so happy, but then it kind of got ruined when he started acting like a guy. It makes me really miss Scott. He’d never do that. And he doesn’t even know how I feel. Or maybe he does…hmmm.
AND! when we were at a party [me, April and Pat] Pat had a chair and me and April were standing, and we were talking and so Pat stands up to be part of the convo, and so I ask, “Can I take your seat, since you’re standing?” he said, “Nah man” and sits back down. And then TWO minutes later he asks April if she wants a seat. I was ready to beat the F****** crap out of him.
So should I go to the pool tomorrow or not go and see if he tries to hang out with me after he gets off work? please someone help me with this. Do I have any right at all to be a bit mad?
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