Child help: Help me decide- cut my mum n dad out of my life for good? - Help.com

leave them.. it only hurrting you more too kep them around

Freshwater, your father betrayed you and abused you, and your mother was not there to protect you. Your father’s sins are nothing short of heinous, and your mother was complicit due to her own moral cowardice. It is an unfortunate fact that some parents completely and utterly fail their children, and your parents unfortunately fall into that category. Your father went beyond mere neglect and into the realm of child abuse. Because of the way your parents treated you, I am telling you that you owe them nothing . . . not a thing. You could, if you wanted to be particularly generous, offer your father and mother the opportunity to admit their guilt and apologize, and for your father to enter therapy. We both know, of course, that they will not do that. Do not worry about other siblings and in-laws, because they do not want to see the truth. There is nothing to be gained by associating with any of them. Now, there are two things I want you to “internalize,” if you will: (1) the abuse was NOT your fault, and (2) genes are NOT your destiny. So, do not feel sullied in any way by what happened to you. The only persons sullied by these heinous acts were your parents. One last thing . . . think of yourself as the beautiful human being you are, and jettison this human baggage from your life. Seeing them will only bring you painful memories. It’s time to start your life out on a fresh page. All of the ugliness is behind you. Beauty and a rewarding life await you.

chev.jame, that is one of the best answers I have ever read, and the only thing left for me to say is that I echo everything you say. So freshwater, listen to what chev.jame says, it’s good advice. Good luck honey.

i have parents who actually treated me like the blacksheep my entire life… severely abusing me my whole life, mentally and physically.. i have chosen to step away actually.. if they contact me.. fine.. but i do not take that step to contact them at all.. i actually took off for 3 years until i found that my dad was dying.. and i came back..

seriously.. just take a step back and be with the family that you have and love you.. if your parents try to communicate.. fine.. just dont take that step to try to contact them… it only brings more questions to your mind and a lot of pain…

wishing you lots of luck… hugs..

You have been through a lot in life and it seams like with your brothers death, all the pain has been brought to the surface. Have you had any therapy in dealing with your abuse?

I was not abused by a parent but an uncle. For me it is much easier to cut him out of my life. I can see how it is more difficult when it is your parent.

Let me share my thoughts with you. For me it is easier to find the answer when I step out of it being my situation and look at it from the perspective of giving the advise to a friend. So If I came to you with this situation and asked you “what should I do?” What would your answer be. Emotionally detach yourself from it and look at from the outside. What is your answer when you do that. I have my opinion on what I would do, but it is for you to decide so I will keep it to myself.

How has it been for you? Not seeing them?

I’d cut out your father, but not necessarily your mother.

Many women suffer from spousal abuse, and in more ways than one. Perhaps your mother was threatened into not doing anything. Maybe she didn’t think there was anything she could do. What I’m saying is that even though she didn’t do what she should have, it may not be entirely her fault. However, she still is to blame. I’m just trying to give a different perspective here.

When you see your mom tell her whether or not you are breaking off ties with the family. If you are, tell her why, how you feel, your concern for your kids, and what you think should happen. Tell her the entire truth, everything you know about your late brother’s wife, and his suspicions as well. After that, tell her you aren’t going to deal with it anymore, that they aren’t worth it. Unless they acknowledge that they have some apologizing to do, they can find someone else to send Christmas presents next year.

I totally understand where you are coming from. My father abuse me sexually for 13 yrs. I did not know that it was wrong till one day i blurted it out to a freind in which she told her parents and then my dad was arrested. he went to jail for 2 yrs which was supposed to be longer due to he was military, but of course they let him out on good behavior. I was taken from them and placed in foster care and I was locked out of their lives for years till I had my kids and then my mother wanted something to do with me- even tho she knew about the abuse and did nothing. I did confront my parents about it several yrs ago with to no vail did i get im sorry or anything on those lines. they never admitted that they were wrong or say Im sorry- now they are both dead and they had to take the guilt and shame with them to their graves for losing a daughter along with grand daughters. They tried several times to have something to do with my kids but I would say no way- there was no trust there and no mended bridges and me being a mother I was not leaving my kids unattended or anything to do with them for that matter. did not trust either of them. My kids know who they were but thats it. In my opinion I would cut ur ties to them and live your life with your kids and all. It is their loss not yours. They did it to themselves. When they can admit what they did and say im sorry and seek help I would not have anything to do with them. I have a huge family that still sees me as non exsistant. But hey thats ok in my book- I look at it this way my gain their loss.