Thought help: I have been having a lot flashbacks of my abuse lately. - Help.com

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can you controle what you do in your flash backs? or is it like a memory/daydream where it just happans as it did?

have you spoken to your counceler about it?

ok, i dont know what to sagest other than dont give in to the erges and keep trying to fight them off

yw sorry i havant been in touch resently i have been a bit isolated. anyway if u wanna talk about it i will listen

hopefully you could get some kind of closure about this.

Memories can be very powerful! They can either be beautiful, nostalgic or painful humiliating or even embarrassing to some people. We rely on them to compare or contrast with present and future situations and sometimes the unnecessary memories come into play when we least expect them. Really they are a tool in our learning for better or worse, but they sometimes need to be reigned in and put within our control. I think memories which are painful can be very destructive to our health and well being. I know it is a very difficult thing to block them out sometimes because occasionally they come creeping back in. Its a matter of getting your brain on the right track by creating new memories you can focus on and work with. The brain’s neurons or nerve cells create these connections that we start to depend on and go over and over again whether positive or negative. The more we run over those memories the stronger the connections become and are used outwardly. It is like learning… the more practice the better we know something and become at it. The less we use it - the more we lose it and the connections die out or have less of an impact or influence on our day to day thinking. I really think it is a matter of retraining your brain in the positive. Its about learning to let go and putting the bad memories to rest. I also think it is about gaining control of our thoughts through motivation and determination to move in a positive direction whether it be through exercise, meeting others through new experiences such as travel, classes or volunteer work … or even carefully cutting off things that remind us or bring us to uncomfortable places in our thoughts. While I have never been abused I have dealt with ugly memories from time to time hat have caused me to feel some depression or anxiety. You can work on getting control of those thoughts by leaving them behind you and distracting yourself with other activities you can get involved in. faolteine has a good point - I really feel that getting ‘control’ is the key here! Feeling or spiraling out of control is really that thing that is behind our feelings of depression, anger, anxiety etc… When I used to tell a counsoler about my fears and depression over past situations she used to tell me “Isn’t it a shame you put yourself through that?” It made a lot of sense to me… I really was tired and worn out from the stress of those memories and battling old ghosts. Remember to be kind to yourself and treat yourself as you would treat someone you respect and love dearly.

Ames..that was some good info. For some it’s easier to do than others. And your counseler made a good point. We go through alot of things, because we allow ourselves to dwell on the negative stuff, when all we have to do is fight. She was abused though, so I can see how it can be hard for her. I’ve never been abused either, but I can see how she’d have flashbacks. Kind of like an abused child. It sticks.
But either way it goes love, were her for you. So let it out if need be until you get to your counselor. We don’t want you commiting suicide, because then you’re dead, and he wins. He will have conquered in breaking you down to a point of no return, and you don’t want to give him that. Let that help you with your fight. If you keep thinking of how he would win if you harmed yourself, it would fuel up some anger and get the fight in you. Keep in mind how you don’t want him to win. Keep in mind how he wanted to keep you down. Keep in mind how you don’t want him to have control and that if you hurt yourself you give him that control, or satisfaction. Use those memories to your advantage. He’s gonna get his eventually, and you want to be around to see it.

Very true Tnicolle - it is easier for others. The extent of any sort of abuse in my background was bullying in school, but if it is family or people we have to live with and rely on it is more of a process. It is so true what you say… never let someone else keep you down. They really don’t deserve your thought and attention.

Take care Puck You and I also do hope you are able to reach some closure.

Hi, Alice. I haven’t spoken to you in awhile. I am sorry to hear you are having flashbacks. I never had any that are vivid like you are having. Mine have more or less been a passing memory that bring back uncomfortable feelings for me. I made a post awhile back where I mentioned a time this happen and realized I had the choice to keep going there or to to somewhere else. I mean in my thoughts. When those thoughts come, take control and focus your thoughts on more positive aspects of your life.

I really like what ames said. It makes a lost of sense. About changing the brain patters so that they do not automatically go there because that is what they are used to doing. Make new better paths for them follow.

Also I am thinking of a story that was shared in a group I was in. The speaker was talking of a woman who had been raped some 50 yrs earlier. She held resentment and angry and hated men. She thought of what happened to her everyday of her life. The speaker told her “He raped you once, you raped yourself everyday for 50yrs.” Don’t let that happen to you. Do not do that to yourself. What happen is over. You are safe and do not need to go there any more.

Choose a different path. Sending you love and hugs. I hope they help.

I’m very sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I recently got in contact with the person who abused me in the past too (my father) and I had severe flashbacks also. I still do sometimes with something that triggers it. I don’t really know what to tell you, as it all works differently in everyone, and I haven’t even worked out a way to stop them either.

The best advice I can give you has already been said. Talk to your counsellor about it, tell what’s in the flashbacks, every detail you remember, sometimes, when we repress memories, they stay locked up and keep coming back if we haven’t dealt with them. Saying it verbally, makes the brain remind itself “ok, it’s the past, it’s over, time to wash it out”. This isn’t to say you’ll forget, you’ll always remember, abuse sucks, but it will at least give you the time to focus on the issue, deal with it appropriately, and then put it behind you for good.

Good luck, honey, and I wish the best for you. If you ever need to talk, I’m only a shout away. :)

babacup wrote:
Also I am thinking of a story that was shared in a group I was in. The speaker was talking of a woman who had been raped some 50 yrs earlier. She held resentment and angry and hated men. She thought of what happened to her everyday of her life. The speaker told her “He raped you once, you raped yourself everyday for 50yrs.” Don’t let that happen to you. Do not do that to yourself. What happen is over. You are safe and do not need to go there any more.

Wow! That is a powerful message babacup! if you don’t mind I am going to pass it along to a friend of mine offline who has been dealing with some difficult memories herself.

Where is the abuser? What has happened to him since then?

Muwahahaha! I think that was more than irony!

I believe that these kinds of things are the phenominon of the individual. I think you may have made that happen. Equivilent exchange, blah blah blah.

I know, my personal belief mumbo jumbo (I refuse to use the word religion). I’ll keep it to myself now. Heh, either way he got what was coming to him.

You know, this is a trick thats pretty commonly known and relatively simply. It’s usually for little kids but adults using the method is not unheard of, and since your problem began when you were four, it might stand a better chance of working.

Write down or draw your problems, and take everything that reminds you of that man and burn it.

Another thing that might work is self conversation. Every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed look yourself in the eyes and say, “I love myself, and I won’t let him have control over me anymore.”

You’re welcome. Sorry I couldn’t help more. I’m not well versed in this type of thing.

I spent alot of years having uncomfortable responses to certain hand gestures, even when they came from little kids. Then one day it hit me hard — The memory of my grandmother slapping me in an instant fit of temper. I remembered being stunned more than hurt (and I mean bad stunned, like not just seeing a gorgon’s head, but for the first time realizing gorgons even exist), and I remember my grandfather sitting nearby and pretending he didn’t see anything, or maybe being so oblivious that he really didn’t.

I think what you went through it much rougher and sadder, but being able to see and in some ways feel that memory released me from it. It still hurts when I think about it, and the event had significance in my life I’m still unraveling, but now *I’m* the one who controls it, and now *I* can make of it what I need to to get on with my life.

hey puck,
if your having flashbacks, the first thing you need to do is make sure you are safe. That means telling someone you trust if you are not in a safe situation. If someone is still hurting you, you are definitely not in a safe situation and you need to tell someone. Then you can start to talk about the memory with someone you trust. Maybe getting counseling can help. I hope this helps you.

Every one has issue and life is hard but you just gotta stay postive and know that even though today was bad tommorrow willl be better. once you hit bottom all you can do is go up kay. just keep your head up and look towards the sky.