Love help: I am 49 years old and have come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with me. - Help.com

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hat is it they find out after 1 year? Surely there is a “repetitive” comment fomr all women. Also, suicide is not the way out. You will end up in a dark and cold place “alone”, so why not stay here alone since there are people around that do care.

Anonymous wrote:
What is it they find out after 1 year? Surely there is a “repetitive” comment fomr all women. Also, suicide is not the way out. You will end up in a dark and cold place “alone”, so why not stay here alone since there are people around that do care.

Forgot WWWWWWWWWWWWW

Do you ALWAYS put the woman first? We want tended to but we expect you to take care of yourself ALSO. If you only give the girl what she wants/needs and always put yourself second, this is a turn off. Nobody likes a pushover (even if they are getting “stuff”)

Do you do as I do and self sabatoge. I seem to do “whatever it takes” to kill my happiness. Little things that just kind of stop the happiness.

Do you feel undeserving of happiness?

What do you think is the reason why these women leave? What do they say? Have you asked them? A very bold thing would be to go “interview” all your old girlfriends and see what the common thread is for not wanting to be with you. Very bold and will be hurtful, but could help if you can take it, and can change

Why do you think they hate you when you leave? What do they say, have you asked? Same suggestion as above.

There is a fix for you, to make your life the way you want. You need to find some good self help books. I suggest stand up for your life by cheryl richardson (highly recommended for your situation. Also 7 habits of highly effective people (anthony robbins?)and Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. Also, find a counselor whom you feel a “fit” with. This site can be useful too, but we are just regular people. You may need more directed help, like a counselor. Remember, you can do what a counselor can, they just help you do it FASTER!

pillsburydogir wrote:
Do you ALWAYS put the woman first? We want tended to but we expect you to take care of yourself ALSO. If you only give the girl what she wants/needs and always put yourself second, this is a turn off. Nobody likes a pushover (even if they are getting “stuff”)

Do you do as I do and self sabatoge. I seem to do “whatever it takes” to kill my happiness. Little things that just kind of stop the happiness.

Do you feel undeserving of happiness?

What do you think is the reason why these women leave? What do they say? Have you asked them? A very bold thing would be to go “interview” all your old girlfriends and see what the common thread is for not wanting to be with you. Very bold and will be hurtful, but could help if you can take it, and can change

Why do you think they hate you when you leave? What do they say, have you asked? Same suggestion as above.

There is a fix for you, to make your life the way you want. You need to find some good self help books. I suggest stand up for your life by cheryl richardson (highly recommended for your situation. Also 7 habits of highly effective people (anthony robbins?)and Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. Also, find a counselor whom you feel a “fit” with. This site can be useful too, but we are just regular people. You may need more directed help, like a counselor. Remember, you can do what a counselor can, they just help you do it FASTER!

I always seem to put women first and I do take care of myself, but I was always taught that “If mama is not happy then no one is happy” so I try to make the women in my life happy, but it eventually fails. I guess I do self sabatoge because whenever I start a new relationship I am convinced that it will end as every other one has. Yes I do feel unworthy of happiness and unworthy of being loved. I am adopted and I know the issues that this has caused and have tried to deal with them but obviously it hasnt worked. As for why do these women leave I dont have a clue. They will never tell me. Example my last girlfriend and I went to one of our favorite romantic spots had a great time, at least in my eyes we did, and then 1 week later she stopped talking to me and wouldnt even acknowledge that I existed, which leaves me totally confused and angry and depressed. The emotional roller coaster is unbearable. Once again I find myself in my home alone with my cats and wondering what the hell I did wrong. Over simplified I think to myself “If my own mother didnt want me why should any other woman” and at this point in my life, the thought of being alone is simply unbearable. I dont know how to fix me and that is more depressing and confusing than I can explain. Why Why Why???

I appreciate the initiial responce to my problem and it gave me something to think about overnight, but I am afraid that at my age I cant be fixed and that has helped me make the only decision that I think is plausible and will fix me. Thank you again

to wrote:
at my age I cant be fixed

That just is not true. You CAN fix yourself if YOU WANT to be fixed. Do you really want to die, or do you really want to have a better life and just don’t know how to get it.

FYI My baby did not even get a chance to live because I didn’t want it to ruin MY life. I will live with that until the day I die. Your mother gave you the gift of a life. Yes, gift. And like any gift, what you do with it is up to you. Way more likely than not, she did not give you up out of disregard, but love. Do you know the details? It sounds like you need to track her down and ask her your unanswered questions, NOW. It is killing you inside and now you are thinking of killing yourself. You need to seek her out and get it all out on the table. I thihnk this is your first step in healing ./ moving on with your life, to feel worthy/loved/needed and then to make your life what you want it to be.

I can play amateur psychologist and can try to help if you want me to, as I suffer from some of the same issues of not feeling “up to the job” and wish I could die, but what you really need, like now, is professional help.

You can always kill yourself later right? So what do you have to lose. Really. Spend the money and go see a few counsellors until you find the right fit. Look for someone who specializes on adopted people / self esteem issues.

You can fix your life to be what you want it to be. It is not too late to make it the way you want. Have you figured out HOW your ideal life would be? If not, do it. Then separate it into several categories you want to work on. In each one, write down things that would get you to where you want to be in that category. Then do one thing from each category each week. Just seeing small changes in your life toward the positive can make a real difference in your whole outlook. Try it.

Check back in. How are you?

pillsburydogir wrote:

to wrote:
at my age I cant be fixed

That just is not true. You CAN fix yourself if YOU WANT to be fixed. Do you really want to die, or do you really want to have a better life and just don’t know how to get it.

FYI My baby did not even get a chance to live because I didn’t want it to ruin MY life. I will live with that until the day I die. Your mother gave you the gift of a life. Yes, gift. And like any gift, what you do with it is up to you. Way more likely than not, she did not give you up out of disregard, but love. Do you know the details? It sounds like you need to track her down and ask her your unanswered questions, NOW. It is killing you inside and now you are thinking of killing yourself. You need to seek her out and get it all out on the table. I thihnk this is your first step in healing ./ moving on with your life, to feel worthy/loved/needed and then to make your life what you want it to be.

I can play amateur psychologist and can try to help if you want me to, as I suffer from some of the same issues of not feeling “up to the job” and wish I could die, but what you really need, like now, is professional help.

You can always kill yourself later right? So what do you have to lose. Really. Spend the money and go see a few counsellors until you find the right fit. Look for someone who specializes on adopted people / self esteem issues.

You can fix your life to be what you want it to be. It is not too late to make it the way you want. Have you figured out HOW your ideal life would be? If not, do it. Then separate it into several categories you want to work on. In each one, write down things that would get you to where you want to be in that category. Then do one thing from each category each week. Just seeing small changes in your life toward the positive can make a real difference in your whole outlook. Try it.

Check back in. How are you?

I am not sure as to whether or not I want to die now. The thought is definately there but waning a bit. As to my adoption, yes I do know the details as I met my birth mother when I was in my late 20’s. She informed me that I was a mistake and that she really didnt want me and she tried for only 3 months to take care of me and then she gave me up for adoption. I was placed in several foster homes till I was finally adopted at the age of 3. It just seems that when I am in a relationship and it is begining to end I sort of revert to a younger age and am scared and frustrated and try to do anything to keep from being abandoned again. I think this is called seperation issues? This fact is what bothers me the most. I know what is causing it but in the end I cant help reverting to those feelings, and that along with all the other emotions is what usually brings me to the point where I am now.

My ideal life? Financially secure, a wife and kids and being happy and secure in all aspects of my life, but also being a realist I know that I am to old for this to happen. I guess I would settle for a secure relationship with mutual respect and love for each other. I really thought I hade found it when I was married but alas that was not meant to be either. I guess I am just totally confused right now and am not sure where things will take me. I dont like the unknown and I dont like changes and right now I am in the middle of both.

Your insight into my problem is very much appreciated and has helped. Thank you. Thank you everyone

First off, that is **** sad what your mom did to you. I don’t feel I have much room to talk and I bet stating the truth that you are better off for not having been raised by such an unfit mother helps either. So I will just say what she did to you was screwed up for you. Not fair, you poor innocent litte kid. I wish I could wipe away all that for you but I can’t. Now your life is yours. From tonight on. It can become whatever you want it to be(I so strongly believe that)

For years and years I thought that once I was ready for a child, I would get pregnant and have the baby, thus ending the loss of the past. Didn’t work. I have a wonderful daughter but still suffer from what I did. Still have these hurdles I feel I am getting nowhere on. My bday is wednesday and instead of a bday, it just feels like a marking of the passing of time and all I have not done.

The point that even if you do get “what you want” you won’t be happy. You need to find a way to resolve/move past the past. A way to live with it without it ruining your relationships and your future. Personally I see counsellors as a way to speed up the process. I believe fully in the power of the mind and am looking into self hypnosis. That’s what we’re really trying to do anyway right? make ourselves think differently so the outcome (how we act, live, feel) is different. So hypnosis is just thinking “deeper” into our subconcious so it sticks. I’m really not wierd, I just feel that way writing this. Whatever WORKS for you. books, counsellors, hypnosis, running, meditation, you need to try some things and start to see progress

and remember, you were ready to kill yourself yesterday. What if you had. THere would then be no chance of you having the life you want. Changing your life to how you want It can be done. you just need some help.