~Don’t Toot In Bed~
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of tooting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, ‘Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.’
‘What do you mean?’ asked his wife.
‘Well, you always told me that one day I would end up tooting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But, by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.’
This open post was written 3 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 236, 31, 15 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
Reciprocity (17) 
Since writing this post ~Shie~ has helped in 17 other users' posts within the last 4 days. ~Shie~ is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 2 months and has 200 posts and 15,573 replies to their name.
Replies (31)
Where were you?
You can also watch events on Help.com as they happen
~Shie~ edited this post 3 months, 1 week ago. Read the previous text »
~Don’t Toot In Bed~
a href=”http://s253.photobucket.com/albums/hh61/lil_bit_shie/?action=view¤t=no_fart.jpg” target=”_blank”> img src=”http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh61/lil_bit_shie/no_fart.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”Photobucket”> /a>
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of tooting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, ‘Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.’
‘What do you mean?’ asked his wife.
‘Well, you always told me that one day I would end up tooting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But, by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.’
~Shie~ invited 108 users to read this post 3 months, 1 week ago.
Joey_PR
Nante
Tnicolle
gerry51
2Hazel
Anonymous
OliveOil
Michael Leibman
TheJDevil
Nirvana Haro
SweetLips~
Sans
*lilies
freshwater
ɐʇɐɯɹǝɟ.Suc
jezzy9
Chef
Invite Others to Help
A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.