Love help: I have a female office colleague whom I love. - Help.com

does their religion really matter? i really dont know why you had to say what religion they are.

you ask people to marry you when you’ve just met them?

I think you should keep your eyes open to other possibilities especially since she is engaged. Whether or not she shows interests in other men it is important to remember she isn’t in a position where she can make commitments to other men. Also from the sounds of it - I wouldn’t allow yourself to get your expectations or hopes to high over this one woman. Usually if a woman is interested she will make an effort to reciprocate and will be more than just flattered by your attempts to win her heart. She will look for ways to spend more time with you and invest in you as much as you invest in her. If she just wants to keep it at the level of friendship then she will treat you as she would a friend and politely ignore your advances as not to embarrass you. Unless you are forward and tell her of your feelings she has no way of telling you she is or more than likely isn’t interested in any more than a friendship. It sounds like she may like you, but only as a friend - not romantically. Sometimes the best way to know for sure is to approach the person of interest directly whether it be by letter or by a talk over lunch. Facing up to an answer we aren’t really sure of is really the only way to know where we stand for certain. Sitting around and continuing to fantasize about a potential relationship really only hurts the person living in the fantasy if it doesn’t live up to the reality. I would nip it in the bud and if indeed you are kindly rejected - just let her know you appreciate the friendship and you hope she is happy with whomever she ends up with. This way you are still the gentleman… you walk away with your pride still intact. At that point I would suggest you put some distance between yourself and her …out of sight out of mind. Move on to other possibilities and don’t concentrate on or put any effort into pursuing this woman who can’t and won’t reciprocate in the way you are hoping. Don’t allow yourself to be angry about it …you are only doing yourself a diservice. You were being kind and she wanted to see you as a friend who was being kind… she really isn’t using you since she isn’t in a relationship with you except for maybe within your fantasy at this time. Since you are offering kindness she is taking it as she would from other female or male friends. I would say just keep your eyes open for other possibilities and for a relationship that is indeed available and can give back and fill in your dreams of romance and happiness. There is nothing more miserable than being in a forced relationship where someone really doesn’t love you for you.

Glad you are feeling a little better about it. I think it is a difficult thing when a person has their heart set on someone who can’t feel the same way romantically. I am glad you are there for her as a friend particularly at such a bad time. I am sure you realize she is feeling vulnerable and looking for a friend to lean on in difficult times. She may see you as the friend she can share her pain with, but be careful not to let yourself get hurt… because whether or not you know it you are also may be vulnerable. You are looking for honest to goodness love and she is looking for an honest to goodness friend.

I think it is very difficult to work near someone or be around someone you are hoping will share your feelings. I am sure she enjoys speaking with you as you sound like a nice guy. Just keep things in check because we all know that when we have a huge crush on someone things said or done can be misinterpreted - especially if we are hoping their actions or words mean more. I often find myself taking classes or even sometimes working in close proximity with a crush and have to keep my cool about it since my crush is also unavailable. One of my friends tells me to just have fun with it… a crush is a wonderful feeling, flirting is fun …bliss, but its also a challenge to keep it as is. The reality of the situation is a lot different than the wonderful feelings we feel inside when we imagine sharing a life love with this individual. Its a shame that love has to be such a game people play - the hint dropping, the not knowing for sure, the confusing signals. I think rather than work up the ideal fantasy and place our heart’s desire upon a pedestal it is better to find out sooner than later if there even is a possibility for romance. Of course a crush is always unplanned and a bit difficult to control or reign in once it gets started, but confronting it sooner can save us some grief in the long run. I really would suggest you write her a letter… you don’t have to send it or give it to her right away or even ever, but write her a letter that truly expresses how you feel - let it out of you. Edit and re-edit if you must. Of course it would be better if you gave it to her to write her all of the positive things - nothing about jealousy or anger or the guy that hurt her (unless you are saying you regret that this happened to her.) Write how you admire her and think she is special and you have noticed many wonderful things about her. If your letter is direct about your feelings, your interest in seeing her as more than a friend and you do decide to give it to her - be prepared to know the truth in her response. Have a plan on how to let it go and carry on while maintaining a friendship or friendly distance if it turns out she can’t feel the same way. I guarantee you that you won’t regret being the nice guy in the end. At first it may be frustrating and you may feel hurt, but you will ultimately wind up having more respect for yourself if you back away from it politely and let it go. She will also continue to see you as a valuable friend. If you care about her as a friend, which it sounds like you do, then you will be her friend in the end in spite of things. Its a challenge I know.

what i have to say to you is that she is not ready to marry the guy she is getting married to. keep hope she might realize it but for now just concentrate on being her very best friend. remember she is still engaged so dont attempt something too “radical”. imagine what you would do if you were her fiance and someone took her away from u.
just try to be there for her and maybe she will realize what has been staring her in the face all along. (that wud be u lol)

Now that she is hurt, I even told her that I am feeling sad for her and gave her a moral support at least. What should I do? Does she like me? Should I continue with her or as my other friends advise, I should go out of her life? What can I do to make her feel better? Her smile is everything for me.

1. lend moral support but don’t expect too much from her
2. i don’t think she likes you. otherwise she would not have gotten herself engage nor date other men. anyway, you may confirm it straight from her. from the horse mouth. so simply - ask her, HEY YOU LOVE ME OR NOT, OR WE’RE SIMPLY FRIENDS?
3. i think you should give her space/ breather if she only want you as a friend
4. to make her feel better, just be there for her as a friend. but this will hurt you the more, you know.

her smile may be everything to you, but she has other things on her mind. loving from afar, unrequited is the hardest feeling in love. so think about it. should you allow her to have that effect on you, on your life or you can choose to simply move on with your life, without her. anyway, billions of women out there waiting to be love and to love back in return. why waste?

nicely said dcb_707:)