Confidence help: I need help being out going. - Help.com

It’s just something that you learn through practice….

who you trying to impress

I use to be shy but then I wasnt…um you just hae to let loose and be yourself, thats the only way to do it! =D

if you wanna be outgoing you need to be more confident. this will mean you have some of the adjacent qualities;
being the centre of attention, loud, game for a laugh, unlikely the say no, the one who initiates a group get together, the one who holds the groups attention, one who initiates contact with people/strangers, excitable, eccentric, humourous and someone who laughs alot

i want to know this too.

blindoptimism, how can you stand being the center of attention, i cant, everyone is looking at you, AWKWARD! and loud people bug me, they’re annoying…

bluflames83 wrote:
i want to know this too.

blindoptimism, how can you stand being the center of attention, i cant, everyone is looking at you, AWKWARD! and loud people bug me, they’re annoying…

You’ve to be relaxed to be confident…or at least pretend to be it…

2511 wrote:

bluflames83 wrote:
i want to know this too. blindoptimism, how can you stand being the center of attention, i cant, everyone is looking at you, AWKWARD! and loud people bug me, they’re annoying…

You’ve to be relaxed to be confident…or at least pretend to be it…

how can you pretend?

im not really trying to impress anyone really its weried like im outgoing with all of my friends and stuff but then for sum reason Im not around girls.

Just be comfortable with yourself, and be open and willing to talking to girls, you have to try to comme out of yor shyness but trust me its natural.

Anonymous wrote:
im not really trying to impress anyone really its weried like im outgoing with all of my friends and stuff but then for sum reason Im not around girls.

yeah, me too…. well im not outgoing to anyone i dont know, so i guess im not, because if i know them it would be ingoing…

Are their any like techniques?

Anonymous wrote:
Are their any like techniques?

hmmmm it sometmes helps to have a friend, who feel comfortable around, just hang with your friends and when you see a couple of girls you like ease on over and try to start a conversation, it sometimes helps ifyour in more of a group setting.

if you wanna talk to girls be confident without bigging yourself up constantly and without being rude. go up to them and be able to have a conversation, no pre-planned chat up lines or owt. throw in a compliment but make sure you mean it. and make sure you control the conversation (the first time, not constantly) theres no point going up to someone without anything to say

My technique’s quite easy. I just bite the bullet and talk to people, anytime about anything. I was in the lift earlier today and tried to get a conversation going about why people never talk in lifts - I just thought it was funny at the time. Looking back at it, it was kind of stupid but just talking gibberish and not having people run away or explode into rage gives me an initial confidence boost and it only takes a few minutes for a normal conversation to start. Most people will think you’re mad if you try this but that’s OK in my case because I am mad.

BlindOptimism wrote:
if you wanna talk to girls be confident without bigging yourself up constantly and without being rude. go up to them and be able to have a conversation, no pre-planned chat up lines or owt. throw in a compliment but make sure you mean it. and make sure you control the conversation (the first time, not constantly) theres no point going up to someone without anything to say

im confused, what did you say??

bluflames83 wrote:

BlindOptimism wrote:
if you wanna talk to girls be confident without bigging yourself up constantly and without being rude. go up to them and be able to have a conversation, no pre-planned chat up lines or owt. throw in a compliment but make sure you mean it. and make sure you control the conversation (the first time, not constantly) theres no point going up to someone without anything to say

im confused, what did you say??

what bit are you confused about and i will happily explain :)

i’m not sure whether this is what the OP was originally discussing, but further up he mentioned talking to girls. is that what you meant?

Like say at a dance or something or at football game (Im starting highschool tomorrow) what r good convo starters?

Anonymous wrote:
Like say at a dance or something or at football game (Im starting highschool tomorrow) what r good convo starters?

“hello, what’s your name”

“(says name)”

“oh, thats a nice name, i’ve never heard of that before. i like it! congratulations, you are the first (name) i’ve ever met.”

(very basic example)

ahh I see i never thought of that be4! really i havent

blind: i cant talk to girls at all, my post is here http://help.com/post/190900-i-really-… ….i cant like talk to anyone i dont know, its just awkward.
and you said “go up to them and be able to have a conversation”, what do you mean, how do you do that??
sorry if im taking your post anon, i just started high school too, so we’re in the same problem :) …..

:) i know man it’s hard work i ALWAYS ran out of thigns to say. i would just stand like like a lemon and like…awkward shifty silence y’know. remember that the first time you meet someone you don’t have to be like the most knowledgeable guy in the world. that comes later. you just need to focus on artificial stuff which will break the ice, and then if they like you it will progress :) good luck

bluflames83 wrote:
blind: i cant talk to girls at all, my post is here http://help.com/post/190900-i-really-… ….i cant like talk to anyone i dont know, its just awkward.and you said “go up to them and be able to have a conversation”, what do you mean, how do you do that??sorry if im taking your post anon, i just started high school too, so we’re in the same problem :) …..

i will go and look at your post now buddy :)

well blu at least im not the only one who feels like this

A question is always good because it gives them the centre stage, so it’s easy for them to engage. Just ask an honest question. You don’t have to be direct (in fact most of the time it’s best not to be) at a football match just ask if that’s the normal winger or if he’s substituting for example. You don’t have to show you know a lot, sometimes it even helps not to be superman when you approach someone.

BlindOptimism wrote:
:) i know man it’s hard work i ALWAYS ran out of thigns to say. i would just stand like like a lemon and like…awkward shifty silence y’know. remember that the first time you meet someone you don’t have to be like the most knowledgeable guy in the world. that comes later. you just need to focus on artificial stuff which will break the ice, and then if they like you it will progress :) good luck

umm artificial stuff?? thanks for checking out my post…

Like the girl I like we r both in band Im a Bass drum she is a clarinet if that matters so I guess that helps?

yeah, by artificial stuff i mean like, you don’t need to find out everything about her personality etc in the first through moments of talking to her. that will come as a friendship.realationship progresses. what you need to do is kinda break the ice frmo ’stranger’ to ‘acquaintance’ kinda thing. so by artificial, i kinda mean stuff like, “wow the weather is interesting” (don’t use that unless your stuck though, that’s kinda lame. but you see what i mean?)

anyway, i read your post mate. first thing i will say it don’t beat yourself up. i think most guys, except the most uber of confident people, have been in that or similar situations. girls are scary! :p but like look at it this way, you haven’t LOST any points with her. you just haven’t GAINED any.

building up that courage to talk to her is an entirely different matter. anyone could tell you exactly what to say, and it wouldn’t be able to convince you to talk to her. only you can do that. but remember that everyday you DON’T talk to her, you are NOT a loser or a failure. you just haven’t done it yet.

what you need to do is kinda…lower your expectations. i guess kinda to you she is the most pretty, most amazing girl in the room/school/world. don’t get me wrong, i’m sure she is wonderful. but first and formost, you need to see her as a potential FRIEND.

this way, hopefully, you would be able to go up to her and talk to her. you wouldn’t have to ‘ask her out’ as such, but jsut talk to her, to build up that ’stranger to aquaaintance’ barrier. like, just make sure that she KNOW’S you, and if she passed you in the corridor, you could say hi. that’s how you BUILD UP relationships. obviously, if you were uber confident, you’d just say, “hi babe, wanna hang?” or whatever, but that obviously isn’t so.

so what i’d advise is; just one day say, “alright, how are you?” and then have a short convo with her, like you would a guy. remember, she will be replying, so you will always have something to reply to. “how are you today?” “have you done the homework?” “i hate this person/teacher” “i like this tv show” ANYTHING that you can talk about. (but keep it short, unless she is really enjoying the convo) throw in a joke if you feel you can (but don’t spend ages pre-planning one. try and make it spur of the moment. don’t EXPECT anything out of the convo. she’s just a girl for nothing, nothing more :) it’ll grow.

do you reckon you could do that?

Uhh i guess i could?

thanks blind, that helps a lot. thanks for reading my post. the hardest part for me will be talking to her first and getting her name, after that im pretty sure i can say hi in the hallway. im trying really hard to think of her as a friend, but yeah, shes so pretty….and i know itll sound pathetic, but ive thought about her all weekend, trying to picture her face….now i sound like a stalker, great……and i may have lost some points with her because she kind of tried to talk to me i think, im not sure, and i didnt say anything because i was nervous and tired and stuff… thanks again, ill try….

Thats Blind for you, one of the best helpers there is!!

rofl seriously if you guys keep doing this in every thread i post in ima get an ego :P

all that matters it that we have helped. it doesn’t matter that i’m the best at it ;););););):P:P:P

;)

aw…well…the odd shout of worship is always appriciated

;)