friends help: I need some insight because i assume that beautiful people have perfect lives. - Help.com

You are right. There have been many psychological studies done on it. It is called the “halo effect.” People who are attractive have an edge.

Buddy, your theory is sadly correct. i do no consider myself super attractive, but i think i’m okay. i often tell myself that someone would have to go for me for my personality, not my looks, and it’s overall very self-degrading.

remember this: the people that like you for who/what you are are the only people that matter.

mp5weidle wrote:
beautiful people have an instant 100% self esteem

Yes, true and when you have a high self esteem, you are more confident and confidence leads to charisma and charisma is when people like you. If that makes sense.

One good thing to remember, though, is that looks fade. And if the beautiful person has not gained interpersonal skills while they were beautiful, they will be left friendless when their looks fade b/c all their friends when they were beautiful were in it for the “attached to a beautiful person” factor. Then, if the beauty has a shallow personality, when the looks fade, the person will have a hard time with life.

Cantankerous~ wrote:
Buddy, your theory is sadly correct. i do no consider myself super attractive, but i think i’m okay. i often tell myself that someone would have to go for me for my personality, not my looks, and it’s overall very self-degrading. remember this: the people that like you for who/what you are are the only people that matter.

yes but it is mostly the looks that catch attention.

If your one of those guys who reguse to do anything that only girls do, then please ignore the following advice.. of not…

Well for starters Im a guy, and have VERY curly hair. I straiten it with a flat iron daily. If you want to get rid of the zits, get your mom to buy you some zit cream. You need to manage the parts of you that you dont like.

mp5weidle wrote:
beautiful people have an instant 100% self esteem

Not true at all, I know a lot of REALLY pretty girls who have huge self-esteem issues.

And the post isn’t right at all either. You don’t know what anyone’s life is like, i know tons of people who are what you would consider “beautiful people” and have had really tough lives, you can’t assume anything just because they’re physically attractive.

The one thing you were right about i guess is that looks IS one less thing they have to worry about.

But your life is pretty good too, you said it yourself. I could tell you a lot of people who would love to have as easy lives as you, so don’t judge people just based on their looks.

Well, I do agree, and I was going to say, that just b/c they are beautiful doesn’t mean they are happy.

However, in society, beautiful people do have an edge.

Beautiful people do have it easier, but I wouldn’t say their lives are perfect. It actually sounds like you have a pretty good life. If you are unhappy with your skin, try pro-active. It really works. Personally, I like curly hair. UIf you are not happy with it, talk to a stylist who could suggest a different product or style.

tool.whi wrote:

live4life wrote:

mp5weidle wrote:
beautiful people have an instant 100% self esteem

Not true at all, I know a lot of REALLY pretty girls who have huge self-esteem issues.

And the post isn’t right at all either. You don’t know what anyone’s life is like, i know tons of people who are what you would consider “beautiful people” and have had really tough lives, you can’t assume anything just because they’re physically attractive.

The one thing you were right about i guess is that looks IS one less thing they have to worry about.

But your life is pretty good too, you said it yourself. I could tell you a lot of people who would love to have as easy lives as you, so don’t judge people just based on their looks.

i have to judge those types of people by their looks because their lives revovle around their looks. its the very reason i wouldnt be able to get to know them.

“Those types of people”

There’s a difference between someone being attractive, and someone being conceited and shallow.

Not every single person you see that’s remotely attractive is shallow and only cares about superficial things.

And the truth is that if the beautiful people DON’T have self esteem issues, they get good reactions from people, it boosts their self esteem, and often their ego and sometimes they get conceited. However, it is not always true. I know many beautiful people who have had problems getting dates b/c the potential datees were too intimidated to ask them out.

But, whether beautiful people have strong egos, are conceited, have high or low self esteems…that is all an individually based thing.

But SOCIETY gives them an edge. It’s what they do with that edge that matters.

eeehhh, I’ve been stumbling over words tonight, sorry

but live4life, don’t you agree that being physically attractive in our modern world gives the majority of attractive people a self-confidence edge over those that find themselves looking into the mirror with a look of disgust?

tool.whi wrote:
having good self esteem helps in every single aspect of life

Obviously, and not everyone who’s attractive has good self-esteem, just like not everyone who ISN’T attractive has bad self-esteem.

tool.whi wrote:
the only thing you can do if your in my situation is make peace with your appearance and make the best of life, because one thing is for sure, when your dead, even beautiful people rot in the ground, and their soul has no face

You couldn’t have said it better, so why don’t you take your own advice?

its not stupid, tool.whi, its actually quite valid. a lot of things in life aren’t fair, nobody will argue against that.

and it’s okay to be upset about it. but i do agree with live4life in that the view that everyone that is attractive has 100% self-esteem is terribly skewed. a lot of people try to cover things up and end up looking pretty, but not fixing any problems.

at the same time, these beautiful, messed-up people still have the advantage of being attractive that other less-attractive, screwed up people just don’t have.

for example, the job market. two people are equally qualified. the attractive one gets the job. even if the less attractive one has just as much charisma and self-confidence, the beautiful person is often seen as a good face for the company.

Cantankerous~ wrote:
but live4life, don’t you agree that being physically attractive in our modern world gives the majority of attractive people a self-confidence edge over those that find themselves looking into the mirror with a look of disgust?

Well yes, but keep in mind that a lot of people who are viewed by everyone else as attractive can still look into the mirror “with a look of disgust”

tool.whi wrote:

live4life wrote:

tool.whi wrote:
having good self esteem helps in every single aspect of life

Obviously, and not everyone who’s attractive has good self-esteem, just like not everyone who ISN’T attractive has bad self-esteem.

tool.whi wrote:
the only thing you can do if your in my situation is make peace with your appearance and make the best of life, because one thing is for sure, when your dead, even beautiful people rot in the ground, and their soul has no face

You couldn’t have said it better, so why don’t you take your own advice?

right, but it kist doesnt seem fair, thats all, and i guess its pretty stupid of me to be that way, but whatever

You’re right, it isn’t fair that some people are innately attractive while others aren’t. But nothing in life isn’t fair, just like i don’t think it’s fair that you seem to have had such a fine life when i’ve had to deal with the sh!t that i’ve been forced to.

All you can do, again, is become content with yourself and make the best of your situation.

Cantankerous~ wrote:
its not stupid, tool.whi, its actually quite valid. a lot of things in life aren’t fair, nobody will argue against that.

for example, the job market. two people are equally qualified. the attractive one gets the job. even if the less attractive one has just as much charisma and self-confidence, the beautiful person is often seen as a good face for the company.

Ha, look at car dealerships, with the attractive girl sitting up front. Or the higher end restaurants or the places like Coyote Ugly or even hollywood…not that everyone in hollywood is attractive (Al Pacino)

tool.whi wrote:
but id almost rather have something going on at home that i had to deal with, and have an ideal image with a booming social life than the other way around, because its easier to change aspects of your life, compared to changing aspects of your appearance

I REALLY hope you don’t mean that, and that you take it back.

So you’d rather have issues at home, you’d rather have your parents be divorced?

Or worse, you’d rather have one of your parents get cancer?

OR hey maybe they would DIE!

But if you could be attractive, who gives a sh!t?

i think that relationships are one of the most important things in the world. attractive people have some advantages, true, but what you’re saying, tool.whi, sounds to me like you just wish you were more popular. popularity is not going to fulfill you.

having a few really good relationships is so much better than having a million ones that mean nothing.

tool.whi wrote:
i didnt mean anything that drastic, and i probably shouldve put some acceptions to what i said.

but can we at least agree that it is easier to change things that dont include your body (excluding the death of a friend or family memeber) than things that do?

No, we can’t agree. You said you hate your acne, so buy acne medication. It’s people like YOU, who put so much emphasis on outward appearances, that are making things harder for yourself.

Cantankerous~ wrote:
i think that relationships are one of the most important things in the world. attractive people have some advantages, true, but what you’re saying, tool.whi, sounds to me like you just wish you were more popular. popularity is not going to fulfill you.

having a few really good relationships is so much better than having a million ones that mean nothing.

Well said, I’ve always believed in having a small group of close friends rather than tons who i care nothing about,

To the poster. I have had discussions with my son and we have discussed
what it is that women find attractive in guys.
Both of us have come to the conclusion that we don’t have a clue.
So my advice to you is go ahead and approach the girls
because you don’t have the slightest clue what they like and you.
You may be secretly a winner.

tool.whi wrote:

spiratec9 wrote:
To the poster. I have had discussions with my son and we have discussedwhat it is that women find attractive in guys.Both of us have come to the conclusion that we don’t have a clue.So my advice to you is go ahead and approach the girlsbecause you don’t have the slightest clue what they like and you.You may be secretly a winner.

yeah, your right…….

for example there are cases where there’s a guy and he’s unshaven rather rough looking
tough guy who we as guys wouldn’t have anything to do with, and the girls are all falling all over him.

tool.whi wrote:
wow ok, im gonna go out and buy a magical cream made my my fairy god mother down at her potion factory, and all my wishes will come true.Get real.

Obviously not what i was saying….

WHAT i was saying, is that if you don’t stop living your whole life being shy because you don’t like your appearance, you’re never going to make anything happen for yourself.

Yep, you shouldn’t.

But you CAN change your acne, why don’t you ask your parents 2 get you acne medication?

Yeah dude, just go to the dermatologist.

Don’t feel bad for complaining about it though, just because someone has a problems thats worse than yours doesn’t mean yours is negligible.

yeah no problem, gnight

not so said Zarathustra he who has Money can almost have any attractive ,beautiful ,handsome Person he wants.MONEY,MONEY.MONEY,makes the world go round and you are right Zarathustra…..

just keep livin the good life. you will learn who you are and love you. then you will introduce you to the sick, sad world and they will love you. and if they dont, fukc them.

ive been on both sides of the totem pole and am now a humble, pretty, fat girl…but i love. me. and anyone who respects me.

do you honestly want a girl that is shallow enough to date someone based soley on looks?

i hope this doesn’t make me sound arrogant, but people tell me i’m beautiful, so i’ll try to answer your question honestly.

because of my looks i get alot of guys approaching me and i’ve found that alot of the time, the better the guy looks, the more of a jerk he is. many times i see a guy approach me with an “oh i got this one” look on his face and already that’s a turn off. so i guess over the years i’ve become cautious of guys who have great looks and it usually takes a much longer time for me to get really close to them.

i know i shouldn’t judge people by their looks before i get to know them, but most of the time i seem to be right, so it kinda works.

what i really look for is that feeling of vibrance, a real appreciation and enjoyment of life. you can see it in people’s eyes, in the way they talk, the way they move - to me they just seem to have a special glow to them. it really doesn’t matter how their physical appearance may look, to me, living life to the fullest is what’s beautiful. immediately i’m attractive to that kind of person, and i really want to find a way to get close to them and be apart of that.

i really urge you to start trying to go out on a limb and approach these girls. just be nice and be yourself, and just don’t give off the vibe that you’re trying to get into their pants, i’m sure they get that enough already. don’t be afraid to look them in the eye - confidence is a great sign that a person is happy with who they are and what they do. be kind and warm, genuineness is always greatly appreciated, even if a dating relationship never comes of it.

good luck! :)

spiratec9 wrote:
To the poster. I have had discussions with my son and we have discussed
what it is that women find attractive in guys.
Both of us have come to the conclusion that we don’t have a clue.
So my advice to you is go ahead and approach the girls
because you don’t have the slightest clue what they like and you.
You may be secretly a winner.

:)