Love help: so I’m having a problem with a past love… - Help.com

oooooh geeze. what a story. i’m glad you’re finally on good standings again. i hope you fixed your relationship with your family?

if i were you, i’d stick it out with this guy if he’s the guy of your dreams. you don’t want to make a drastic change either way and lose him- or hold on too long if he’s not going to work. so just give it time and look into it. maybe don’t analyze it too much. give it time, and you’ll figure it out… dating around may be better. but don’t risk losing something great.

wow. Just wow. Is your sister ok? I don’t think you should get back with Alex though…he doesn’t exactly sound like the ideal boyfriend (I can not believe he beat you for that long/cheated on you/MOLESTED YOUR SISTER!!!) I think you should stay with Eric for a little bit longer and see if anything happens…but if things don’t change, you should explain it to Eric and tell him you just want a little break or something to think things over…I really hope things get better! Good luck!

olivia christine wrote:
my sister is okay, for nearly 8 months she was
really quiet. but she’s back to her old self nowadays.

yeah, I was stupid but you know how love is.

I never said you were stupid…it’s just I don’t know how you did it all…kudos to you for taking care of a home while putting up with all of that…and I’m really glad you got out of there

“Love is friendship set on fire.” ~Jeremy Taylor
^So now all you and Eric need is some fire, and I’m sure it’ll come! Good luck!

I’m in the same boat!! had a bad *** boyfriend who didn’t treat me like he should of. And now I’m together with a fantastic guy! Wonderfull!! But still I find myself thinking and longing for my ex.
What helped me was a quote from a friend: The term ‘love yourself’ can be interpreted in many ways, the one thing you must understand with loving yourself is: If you do, you don’t let bad in.

Wanting someone back like that, must be a form of low self-esteem, what do you miss about him so much that your new guy isn’t giving you?

Hey hon, sorry to hear about what you and your family have been through.

You may not want to hear this but I think you may be best to steer clear of relationships for a while because of your experience with Alex. When one has been in an abusive relationship there are many effects that need to be worked through before you can be in a healthy one. You are vulnerable, detached from your emotions because you had to cope for so long with the abuse. You likely don’t trust your gut instincts and may end up in one abusive relationship after another. I’d just hate to see this happen to you.

The reason you likely can’t feel for this new guy is that you aren’t ready. Take some time for you. Do some “self care” and you’ll be back in the game and finding the guy of your dreams in no time! If he’s “the one”, he’ll wait ;-)

olivia christine wrote:
Dear Miss_Enigma,

Thank you. I’ve been contemplating that myself, since I don’t feel the need for a relationship, but when I am with a guy, I’m not wanting to be with him for long. Like Eric, for instance.. he’s such a great guy and I’m afraid to let him go, yet I find myself wanting to date others. I’ve come to the conclusion I’m pretty lost in who I am nowadays. I’m going to find myself and better who I am.

That’s all I can do… but do I break up with Eric and risk losing him because he might not understand or just try and do it while I’m with him; which it will be pretty difficult because I won’t get to focus on myself so much..

??

I’d be honest with him and perhaps you can be friends? If he’s as great as you say he would respect that. It’s always great to be friends first in relationships anyway…it may be beneficial to you both.

olivia christine wrote:
Dear Cezza,
It’s just the way he held and the way he talked to me, I could feel it more from him than any other man I have ever dated. And of course, we were just together so much everyday and his attitude when he wasn’t abusive was just so enjoyable, but then he would snap back into that man I didn’t know who would hit me… it’s hard to explain.

buuuut, I love the quote.
thank you dear. (:

I know what you mean, I never felt so loved when I was loved and so scared and hated when he was angry. It’s bitter sweet and horrible. Heart wrenching.

I know, I’ve been there. It’s heaven then it’s hell. Not worth the hell to get to heaven, as I see it.

olivia christine wrote:
thanks enigma. (:maybe I’ll do that…now, I just got to getthe guts. I hate beingthe bearer of bad news.One night I found myselfwith the courage to tell himbut then he told me of hisday (he always has bad luck)and he’s like, “it couldn’tget worse, like if you wereto break up with me, I’d loseit and start whacking people..”I don’t know how serious he was,because he started laughing.. asdid I, because I was thinking, “omg,you have no idea…”ugh, idk…

You can do it, do it for yourself. You are the only one who is ever going to take care of you, that’s a truth. Good luck hon, tell me how it goes or if you need anything gimme a shout. *hugs*

Then Eric wasn’t meant to be ;-)
Ciao & anytime!