friends help: i’m glad she’s not having a baby - Help.com



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i’m glad she’s not having a baby

okay-hear me out before you say i’m an awful person
my friend got pregnant. she had a miscarriage yesterday. in all honesty, i’ve been thinking that a miscarriage would be the best possible outcome for her situation.
she is addicted to crack. she called me when she found out she was pregnant. i told her everything i could about being pregnant, staying healthy, and most importantly being drug free.
she was happy about her pregnancy and swore she was clean from the moment she found out. at this point that was only a few days. i was very skeptical and worried, but hopeful.
she has nothing. no job, no home, no money. her bf is worse off than her, same situation. but that’s not even the point here. those things can be dealt with

anyway she never stayed clean. she was almost three months along and was using everyday. using drugs also meant she was up all night, not eating, and who knows what else.
she kept telling me that she was going to a program for pregnant women. i thought that was a great thing. but she never went, she kept telling me a different day.

so she miscarried. i think that was a good thing. she abused her own body so bad that the fetus died. when pregnant, every week is crucial, but the first three months are very very important.

the baby would of been born with lots of problems(most likely).
and if a women can not stay clean while pregnant, she most likely will not stay clean when the baby is born.

its very sad to me. i look at my baby and think that she has no idea what she just did. she had the chance to be given the greatest gift in the world. maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.
what are your thoughts?
am i an awful person for thinking her miscarriage was for the best?
(i’m not happy about it-it’s very upsetting)

This open post was written 3 months ago | V/U/S: 107, 7, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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friends, death, Money, woman, Fetus, pregnancy, Situationist, happiness, Miscarriage, Week (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (7)

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Anonymous #
3 months ago (7 minutes after post)

oh no! we’ve been friends since we were kids, but i do not see her at all. we don’t talk often either, she called me about all of this because she knows i have a baby.

and yeh she learned nothing. she said she used after leaving the hospital.
i can’t change anyone, so the more distance between us, the better.

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Anonymous #
3 months ago (9 minutes after post)

i guess it’s so upsetting also because i know who she is before, and without the drugs.
i also know that if she gets clean, it will be when she’s ready, not when her loved ones want her to

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anonymou offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (45 minutes after post)

I don’t think you’re a bad person for thinking a bad thing had good consequences.
Look at the holocaust, a terrible thing, but without it modern civil rights would not be where they are today. Now was it the best possible outcome??? Who can say for sure, but there are usually good sides to be found in bad things.

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evansent 2008 offline Verified User (8 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 100 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months ago (1 hour, 44 minutes after post)

this bby was not meant to be its as simple as that! dont blame yourself for her miscarriage shes her own person she knew what she was doing was wrong &could possibly harm the unborn fetus,yet she still carried on with the drugs.
its awful to watch such a strong willed person turn into a junkie but only they can change if they wish to.dont go on a guilt trip for having the sense you was born with.

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jburn offline Verified User (1 month, 3 weeks) Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (1 month, 1 week after post)

You are not an awful person, you are a good person for being there and giving her support, knowledge and understanding.
This pregancy wasn’t meant to be. This friend needs to look after herself before she looks after another human being.

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