Love help: I need some real advice! - Help.com

do you drink

Very rarely.

why you anon,post as yourself

talk to me

Why can’t I post anon, that really is not the point is it? I am looking for advice!

how much does he drink?

if he always goes and drinks with friends, and you tell him to go to AA, then your probably becoming the bad guy of the scenario to his friends because now your the reason he wont go out and drink with them.

And alcohol has bad withdrawl symptoms, it is the 5th worst drug you can take, even though its legal.

Just keep standing by him if you love him.

He may distant because he doesn’t want to hurt you. I’ve pushed people I care for away because I was too scared of hurting them and didn’t want to drag them down. That just left me alone though.

i speak to so many people with similar probs&weve been having a lot of crank posts l8ly,i would like to know whom im speaking to.dont take it personally

come back if you need help.post anon but at least give me a name to work on :>

How do I help him! What can I do, why is he pushing me away I feel like I don’t know what to do he is completely shutting me out!!! I am standing by him but he is pushing me away! Confused how is that for a name.

ok….you say you drink,is it only rarely or would you consider yourself his drinking partner?

if you was his drinking partner then that is all he sees in you,i know its awful to get your head around but hes trying to make a new life &if your in it he will not be able to succeed in giving up the bottle

no I am not his partner, I have spoke to him many times about his drinking. Should I jsut leave him alone right now just let him go but I want to help I want to be there for him and help him throught this!

your his gf?did you take pitty on him cos of his problem?

NO!!! I love him not pitty him.

yes i know you love him,you wouldnt be doing this if you didnt!!when someone has an addiction we stand by them more to try&help them
we pitty them!!!we want to change them,wed do anything for them,some people dont like that change it drives them to drink more.
we are here to help people we pitty their problems dont take it to heart .

confused..talk to him tell him how you feel,you feel dejected dont smother him it will make him worse.i lost my sister thru alcohol,she drunk herself to death i know what im talking about
ive seen it all ive been on the recieving end of the abuse!!!ive seen he dramatic change hell ive even seen her naked&covered in blood.!!!
i took her to the aa thought something possitive would come out of it,i got totally dejected for trying to help&change her.
people only change if they want to be changed if you want to stand by your bf see how it goes,thats your porogative no one can make that decision only you

I more rejected than dejected I know the roller coaster as well I grew up with it my whole life but how do I reach him how do I get him to understand that my love is not judgemental not conditional at all it is just there for him how do I get through to him?

you cant at this time lv,this is what im trying to say(i meant rejected)hes not in a position to make his own mind up never mind anyone elses.if you grew up with drinking shouldnt you know how their mind works.
its awful ….i know….see when hes been to aa for a while&hes more in perspective with his life.

So I am just supposed to walk away? I have been through so much with him and now I am just supposed to walk away?? I have lost every friend I have becasue I stood by him I have no one left no one who cares about me and the hell I have lived through in the last few years what a fool I have been I thought that whenhe finally came around we would have a happy rest of our lives but I guess not what an idiot I have been he was not with me cause he loved I was just the fool who put up with him!

eh common dont look at it like that!!!never call yourself a fool,your in love i understand.
what does his friends say?how old are you?where is your family.dry them tears your a great person&your only doing what you think is right.

They say that they are going to do what ever they have to to help him! My family could care less about me they call every once in a while but for the most part my father is an alcoholic always has been and my siblings are busy with their own lives!

how old are you

i care x

I am 40 and I have not one person I can depend on not one! How incredably sad is that?? I have out him above every other relationship in my life and now he has people from all over ralling for him and I am just some out cast that served my purpose and now who needs me?

do you work

Yes I do everyday! And I have three kids that I take of as well!!

you sound like me…….havnt we spoken b4

no

is this the 1st time youve been here on this site

yes

what you gona do now then

nothing I can do! He has what he needs he has his friends and his family he doesn’t need me it was my choice to stand by him when everyone told me to walk away so I hve no one to blame for being alone but myself so what else can I do?

theres nothing you can do lv,just focus on your children they are your family-good luck confused ill be thinking of you x

Thanks

Talk to him, pour your heart out.

What should I say? How do I begim that conversation?

It seems to me anon, youve centered your life around this guy, now you find yourself with nobody. If this guy has a addictive personality hon its going to go from drinking and back to drugs some day very likely, you have three childrren to think about , what is there life like ? Id seriously think about cutting your loses here and moving on, your 40 now is this how you want the rest of yours and your childrens lives to continue ? If he loves you, he’ll do his utmost to stop with you by his side, if he does’nt want to do that then Id give the ultimatum stop now and be with me or carry on and have a good life.

Well last night he told me that this is all my fault because I told people he was drinking so he is mad at me and pulling away I know it is all my fault that I did build my life around him everyone told me that he could care less about me but I did not listen noe I pay the ultimate price I am truly all alone and dod not have ONE person I can turn to or trust!! WOW am I a fool!

Your not a fool hon, you just got caught up in it all, the important people here are you and those kids, just start the change , start anew make new friends and take care of No1 and the kids, their love is unconditional, I dont think they’ll let you down :-)