Love help: I met my wife online about 5 years ago. - Help.com

I met my wife online about 5 years ago.

I was living about 650 away from her but love could not keep us apart. She had been divorced many years ago and had been living with her mother. She had not ever planned, nor had I, to re-marry. She had become somewhat content on staying single. They got along fine and shared their lives together. Her mother, who had also been divorced many years had grown accustomed to having her daughter to herself. I later found out that she did not want to share her daughter with ANYONE. Enter the Internet… We found each other and immediately knew we were soul mates. We had a long-distance relationship for a while and decided to marry. We married about 4 years ago. Yes, we spent quite a bit of time together, person-to-person, before deciding to marry. Her mother seemed charming during the times I spent with her. My new bride left her mother and moved away to live with me in another state. We let her mother live by herself in the mobile home that she and her daughter had shared for many years. Since the mobile home belonged to my wife, we decided to pay the mortgage and let her continue to stay there rent-free, leaving her only responsible for the utilities. By the way, my wife’s brother, and his wife, live about 15 miles from their mother. I had a very good paying job, and my wife found a nice job also. We loved where we were and each other. After about a year and a half we got word from her family that she had developed macular degeneration and would need someone to stay with her full time. Her mother sent us a doctor’s written note urging us to come back and take care of her since she was slowly going blind. She refused to move in with us, and her son refused to keep her. She told her neighbors that she demanded that we come and take care of her (we didn’t find out about that until some time later). That left us leaving everything behind and trying to restart our lives back with her mother. We graciously agreed to do this. When we returned we were astonished to see the condition our house was in. It’s about 9 years old but my wife wife had always kept it immaculate. She has two inside dogs which she allowed (and still does to this day when we’re not there) to roam free in the house, urinating and pooping on the carpet which is now ruined. The kitchen was in shambles and trash was spread all over the house. After moving back, we soon discovered that her son would not keep her anymore than an occasional night (once or twice a year tops). After her staying at her son’s house for a night, her daughter-in-law calls us on the phone and asks if it’s OK to bring her back because she “needs some time”. We basically have her 24/7. The most he will do is take her to the Doctor occasionally and take her out for a milkshake or dinner once in a while. We DO appreciate this help. After the first couple months of absolutely no privacy we told her that we had given up everything, to come take care of her, but felt we were not getting time to ourselves occasionally. She informed us “Nobody told you to move here”. That’s when she started calling her son on the phone, telling him how badly we were mistreating her. This constant lying and exaggeration turned her son totally against us. We tried laying down ground rules for occasional privacy. This did not stop her from banging on our bedroom door at all hours of the night, usually for something as minor as her TV remote not working. She puts Coke cans in the freezer and forgets about them, leaving us to later find the explosions. I have found where she has gone through my personal belongings and hid them under her bed. I realize she has problems with her eyesight but 1:30 in the morning on a weeknight is no time to wake us (and our animals) for a problem with her TV. I told her that if she had a real emergency, let us know because that’s why we’re here. Now might be a good time to explain something - we own the mobile home that everybody lives in, but the mother-in-law owns the land. Whenever we “complain” about living conditions, her and her son remind us that “It’s her land and she can with it whatever she wants.” We have started looking for someone to buy the mobile home and relocated it, but found it very difficult to sell, especially when we cannot even get her out long enough to try and clean it. Her mother has complained and lied to her son so much that he thinks I’m mistreating her. We’ve asked several times for the son to take his mother (and her dogs)every other weekend so we can have time alone. He tells us “That ain’t gonna happen”. Am I asking for too much? My wife is afraid of hurting her family if she says anything. She is afraid that her mother is going to dye and leave her feeling guilty about everything. She continues to tell our neighbors how much she hates me and wishes I would move away so her and her daughter could be happy again. This all gets back to us because the neighbors are our friends. I still love my wife very much and will not live without her. She is my rock. Her son whom, by the way, is the “preacher” that married us in the very house we live in. He has taken so many tattle-tale calls and outright lies from his mother that he has warned me not to be mean to his mother has now been referring to me as “A-hole”. Yes, I said PREACHER! I really don’t deserve this. I feel as though I’m stuck in a corner and cannot escape. He feels that we’re being mean to her because we’ve shut the microwave and the range off at the circuit breaker (she’s come very close to burning the house down 3 times in the last year) My wife and I are volunteer fire department workers, and know how fast a mobile home can go up in flames. We don’t want her to perish in a house fire staying there by herself during the day as we are both at work. I still feel responsible to stand by my wife and take care of her mother but my patience is reaching its end. Her mother refuses to go to assisted living and will not even spend the days with her daughter-in-law (who has not held a job in a number of years, and just sleeps all day.) Her daughter-in-law refuses to keep her. My wife and I attend church regularly (with a REAL PREACHER) and have been asking the Lord for guidance in this matter and we believe that one day our prayers will be answered. What can we do until that day? All I ask for is private time every now and then. If I could at least get some time alone with my wife, I think we could make things work out. HELP!!!

This open post was written 3 months ago | V/U/S: 122, 2, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

law, Love, house, lie, Person, Year, Day, Mobile home, night, mother (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.