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Can you talk to his family?

This is a horrible situation and I feel really bad for you. They say that you find things when you’re not looking for them. I suggest you move on with your life and maybe one day he will turn up, or information of some kind will be revealed. One thing is for sure, and that’s that chasing a potentially dead person is heartbreaking, and should he be dead, it’s certainly not what he would have wanted, stay strong and move forward. Good luck, love d2d

The window to talk to his family closed long ago.

I actually have moved on with my life, but not a day goes by that something doesn’t remind me of him. Maybe it’s because he’s the first person I lost or because of the circumstances by which I lost him.

I appreciate your replies.

You said you were too afraid to call or write? Maybe it’s time to face up and call him? I think you have it in you to do that.

Maybe you’re right, the circumstances are unusual and that could be what makes him stick in your mind. Think about it this way, if he loved you, would he have faked his death in order to escape? Would there be any reason for him to escape like this?

In the united states it’s usually not too difficult to find records of deaths online — obituaries and social-security death records. Churches keep records of funerals, he probably does have living relatives ….. there might be something out in this world that could help bring closure or shed light on the mystery or something.

lol NO! He definitely didn’t fake his death to avoid me. I just hoped that the mutual friend got the information wrong and, coincidentally, my bf and I simply lost touch, as was our pattern. I was too afraid to call or write back then for fear that he might actually be dead. If I had a number to call now, I’d be more likely to get the address and knock on the door.

I agree, Michael… I’ve been combing the obits & cemetery records… I’m trying not to obsess, but @ 1:30am 14 yrs later, I don’t know what else to call it.

It just makes me so sad to think that he was so miserable and alone that he took his own life. I loved him so much- I would’ve done anything for him. I wish he’d known.

Gosh, I’m an example of how suicide affects the surviving loved ones. The pain just never goes away, does it?

Anonymous wrote:
I agree, Michael… I’ve been combing the obits & cemetery records… I’m trying not to obsess, but @ 1:30am 14 yrs later, I don’t know what else to call it.

Whether he’s actually alive or dead, I think the most common term for your condition is “haunted”. Most superstitious term? Not sure….. good luck :)

I wish you had posted as yourself instead of anon. There is no shame in this. If we knew which friend was hurting, we could better help.

Hope you find your answers, as you do need closure.

why dont you try to contact that mutual friend… find out where his grave site is..

I found the obituary in an archive. Amazing, the emotions that flooded at the sight of his name.

Thanks for your replies.

It is a sad, heartwrenching tale and I hope you can turn it around so it’s not so sad for you somehow. Or maybe all we can do is keep on and heal and live as best as possible. Or there are other options, maybe?

update:
In order to view the full obituary, I had to pay a fee. That kind of stopped me from proceeding right away- gave me time to process the news and decide whether I really wanted to find out where to find his grave, etc. Just now I paid the fee to find out that it was in fact not him, but a 68 yr old man with the same last name who died in the same month and year (which is all you’re allowed to view until you pay.) Except for the intense emotions I’ve relived these past few days, I’m back to square one.

The whole reason I was finally prompted to bring up the issue is because the day I submitted my post, I saw someone who looked so much like him… I froze up. But back when I received the news all those years ago, I sent his family a sympathy card. I never heard back from anyone (didn’t expect to) but I figured if it weren’t true, someone would’ve set the record straight.

I need to just let it go. It’s just really hard when questions are left unanswered.