friends help: How to build self confidence? - Help.com

What I would suggest is that you build your self esteem back up. Look at what you have done and accomplished, that’s wonderful! Those that would put you down only do it to make themselves feel better. We all have things we would like to change about ourselves, you did! Kudos for that and let it be the first step in regaining your confidence. Write out the things you like best about yourself and repeat them to yourself daily like a mantra. Love yourself and all that you have to offer. You would never call someone fat, that is just one thing that puts you beyond those who would say that to you, I’m sure there’s more. All the easier to look at those comments for what they are, just plain nasty.

With self confidence, it’s not based on your situations. If everyone tells you you’re beautiful and perfect, you can still have really low self esteem. If people tell you you’re fat and ugly, you can actually be good at maintaining good self esteem.

See the thing about SELF confidence is it comes within your SELF. Even though you have some negative comments from people, it’s your confidence in yourself that should stand out among that.

I’m sorry people have treated you badly and called you names. And I hope you can finally be around people who aren’t going to put you down by their opinions on how you look.

Start thinking about your good qualities. What makes you you? Compliment yourself when you can instead of putting yourself down.
Stand up for yourself if someone has the nerve to insult you again. Don’t let what they say effect you.
It’s their problem that they are so bored with life and so deeply in need of a self esteem booster that they say awful things to you. And oddly, that makes them feel better.
But you aren’t like that. You’ve taken people’s crap for years and it’s time to stop that and to start listening to YOURSELF instead of these other people :)

well, I did all those things so I could get my confidence back, and I did, but nothing in my life has changed, and its actually pretty much gotten worse, so its hard for me to feel confident anymore because there isnt much else I can think of doing.

I dont really think im that bad, theres just a lot more better then me to choose from

Anonymous wrote:
I dont really think im that bad, theres just a lot more better then me to choose from

That is not the “self-confidence” image you should be displaying. Instead of saying that, think about what YOU have to offer instead of comparing yourself to others

Clear your head of everything. Look in the mirror. What do you see? It doesnt matter what other people think of you. So what if THEY think your fat or ugly. Someone out thier thinks your perfect… Dont hang out with people who make feel less then you really are. Try going somewhere else that you hardly ever go or somewhere you’ve never been. (not out of state or anything dramatic) Try making new friends… Starting over can make a difference, Your life will change for the better if you give it a chance. Maybe not over night, maybe not in 3 months but it will as long as you dont give. H.T.H.

When you realize your own self worth it makes waiting for the right person easier as you will not settle and end up with someone that will hurt you.

if people insult me they get it back, im not that nice ;)

thinking of what I have to offer right now is the problem, because I dont really have anything besides honesty and loyalty, and those are huge things to offer (and I know this because I dont meet many people who have it) but that is not what women my age are looking for. I’m broke as a joke, have no car right now because mine is beyond repair, back living with the parents again and working a dead-end job without a single call yet for an interview, and ive been out of school for 1.5 years now and submitted thousands of applications.

they would rather have/fight over my friends who are “hot”, have a nice car and money, will cheat on them and have been with over 50 women (and keep in mind they know all this), over me.

And the job situation is a whole other page I dont feel like typing.

I would say you have confidence already else you would not have been able to come here and chat to total strangers lol

super_ritchiebaby wrote:
I would say you have confidence already else you would not have been able to come here and chat to total strangers lol

aparently not since im anon instead of using my account :P

Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, to emotional abuse (past or present) from a loved one or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down.
Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There’s no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.
Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you’ve declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized.
Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it’s emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
Be Positive, even if you don’t feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior–they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what’s called the “facial feedback theory” suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.

Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you’re a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel.
Express yourself, whether it’s through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it’s difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you’re following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you’ll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don’t have something you can believe in, you don’t have anything. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what’s happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you’ve followed your principles to the best of your ability.
Help others. When you know you’re kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people’s lives (even if it’s just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you’ll know that you are a positive force in the world–which will boost your self confidence. Go volunteer twice a month at an elementary school. Bake something for your neighbor for no reason. Confidence that you have earned is the most long-lasting.
Stop worrying. What worries you today will be forgotten by you and people around you tomorrow. Can you remember what you were so worried about the same day the same time last week? If not, then you should not worry right now. You will not worry about it even one week from now.

i know its hard but look at the handsome bits of you..im sure there’s plenty, use those bits to help u build confidence. is it your eyes? your hair? buy some new clothes regularly, clothes that look good on you. ignore nasty people; brush off their negativty and let the beauty in u radiance. well done on ur degree, at least ur smarter than anyone else who decides to be mean to you.

Its all about you. One thing you could do is get confidence mp3s off lime wire or other places. Find one you want I recomend a guided meditation. Then listen to it for 30 days before bed. it really changed me and i only used like 2 mp3s. It could help. The other thing you could do is Get naked more. Obviously don’t go steaking everywhere but when your lounging take your shirt off. This will make you more confident in your body. Also it will show other around you that you love yourself. That brings me to my next point love yourself. Every morning and night look in the mirror and hug yourself and say i love you. This might sound a little weird but you actually internalize it. Another way to develop confidence which i think is over looked too often is excercise and working out. This summer i worked on my abs legs and arms. This quad attack on bad self confidence this summer helped me change in to a person who i love. It also made me a hell of a lot more happy.

Anonymous wrote:
if people insult me they get it back, im not that nice ;)

thinking of what I have to offer right now is the problem, because I dont really have anything besides honesty and loyalty, and those are huge things to offer (and I know this because I dont meet many people who have it) but that is not what women my age are looking for. I’m broke as a joke, have no car right now because mine is beyond repair, back living with the parents again and working a dead-end job without a single call yet for an interview, and ive been out of school for 1.5 years now and submitted thousands of applications.

they would rather have/fight over my friends who are “hot”, have a nice car and money, will cheat on them and have been with over 50 women (and keep in mind they know all this), over me.

And the job situation is a whole other page I dont feel like typing.

These girls are not worth your time. Don’t even compare your friends to you, because they are beyond comparison! They are jerks, you’re not! The girls you’ve described are superficial bimbos it seems to me… do you REALLY want someone like that? You seem like a great guy, who’s just struggling right now in life. Sooner or later you’ll find yourself, and you’ll find a great girl who is loving, accepts you for you, and is deserving of your love..

gonna just say screw anon reply lol.

the shirt off thing doesnt happen because I still got some fat on me, and im a nice ghosty shade of pale lol.

I do work out still but it doesnt help with confidence as much as it used to.

and your right, most of them are bimbos, but its hard to find a woman around my age/location that isnt, and everytime I do find a nice one (that isnt so nice shes lame), and manage to start talking to them and think its going decent, next thing I know they are getting used by my friend and then wish they would have chose me instead, but at that point its to late, im not going to be with a girl my friends have been with.

older women like me, but I cant seriously be with someone whos like 20 years older then me, and if I have to wait 20 more years before women around here finally grow up then I guess I got a lonely road ahead.

but thanks for all the kind words, i appreciate it.

ok so maybe it went anon anyway haha

and I cant really buy a lot of new clothes, im over $30k in debt.

could you possibly move??

Anonymous wrote:

super_ritchiebaby wrote:
I would say you have confidence already else you would not have been able to come here and chat to total strangers lol

aparently not since im anon instead of using my account :P

If thats the case then 40,000 other folk on here too don’t have any confidence either ….lol

Anonymous wrote:
gonna just say screw anon reply lol.

the shirt off thing doesnt happen because I still got some fat on me, and im a nice ghosty shade of pale lol.

I do work out still but it doesnt help with confidence as much as it used to.

and your right, most of them are bimbos, but its hard to find a woman around my age/location that isnt, and everytime I do find a nice one (that isnt so nice shes lame), and manage to start talking to them and think its going decent, next thing I know they are getting used by my friend and then wish they would have chose me instead, but at that point its to late, im not going to be with a girl my friends have been with.

older women like me, but I cant seriously be with someone whos like 20 years older then me, and if I have to wait 20 more years before women around here finally grow up then I guess I got a lonely road ahead.

but thanks for all the kind words, i appreciate it.

Hey Do take your shirt off get some sun go ouside and your not fat if your 170. hell im 190 5′11 and i still take my shirt off. It does help read my post Believe me dude. And start loving your self Go to the park play frisbee

well im not like obese or anything but not tone to the point where I feel really comfertable with my shirt off. still got some man boobs and a decent handfull of gut.

and I prefer disc golf :P , speaking of which, I need to get my *** out and play again before winter

Well i have man boobs too you just have to do push ups, pulses and flys. and work on your abs

I just read this thread and see some really interesting stuff. I never knew being naked could do so much for your self esteem! If I may add to suggestions:

I know dos are easier than don’t but try not to be misanthropic or engage people in back and forth insults. This wreaks of being someone who has such low self esteem that you care what losers think of you. Just let criticism bounce off you as though you don’t give a Sht.

Stop caring what everyone thinks. You want high self esteem? There are lots of major fatsos out there who know it and still have high self esteem. Why? Because they don’t care if you think they are fat. If you see a fat guy and have the indecency to insult him for it then you are not worth his giving a sh*.

If you ask a girl out and she says no because of something superficial like your weight, throw her back in the pond because she was not a good catch.

Try not to focus on what you don’t have. You don’t have money or rock hard abs. Most people don’t have those things. What I can say you obviously do have is intelligence. Your ability to communicate alone is above average. Older women like you. Ever wonder why? They probably find you smart, or cute or something like that. So you don’t want to date an older woman, take the compliment anyway.

I don’t have the answer to you finding a quality woman, at least not fast, but if you need help for your self esteem, it seems you are rating yourself unfairly. Try to focus on the good more, don’t be afraid of a bit of narcissism.