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IMO, she gave you 2 clear signs:
1.”‘ if that’s what I was looking for, yes ‘”
- she’s not saying you have what she wants.
2.”She told me that she wouldn’t want me to wait around for her.”
-don’t wait for her, she doesnt want a relationship.
You have feelings for her that she doesn’t have for you.
Give her space, back down ’cause you’ll get more involved and hurt.
Oh…and Amanda gives excellent advice.
im thinking she might be politely saying no…
IMO, I don’t think you should pressure her for answers anymore. She’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t want a relationship right now. And if you constantly bug her about it, she probably wont like that. I just can’t help but think that if she actually did want to have some sort of a relationship with you, she’d find a way to make it work–or at least give it a try for a while. I believe bluflames83 is right…she may have been trying to let you down easily (but didn’t really do a great job).
Anonymous wrote:
I just can’t help but think that if she actually did want to have some sort of a relationship with you, she’d find a way to make it work–or at least give it a try for a while.
Agreed.
Thankx for the quick replies. I guess you are both right, I’ll start to back down and not push her like Amanda said in her post.
I like her too much to do that to her, and I understand that her career comes 1st; she has all her life ahead of her (She’s 20) and doesn’t want a relationship at the moment, she told me so.
I will back down right now, as hard as that can be, because I don’t want her to get distracted with her job, and I don’t want her to feel obligated to be with me because she feels pity for me or something else. If we are ever to be in a relationship, i want her to be with me because she wants it and not for obligation. Thank you guys for the advice.
Yeah, I get it bluflames, she is politely saying no, but why is she allowing me to go to her other job with her ? Why can’t she just say, ‘ I think I’d rather you not come with me because you are getting the wrong idea ‘ or something like that ?
I know she probably is letting me down easy so as to not to sound rude or something like that.
Women are really confusing :-D
liquidgraffiti wrote:
but why is she allowing me to go to her other job with her ? Why can’t she just say, ‘ I think I’d rather you not come with me because you are getting the wrong idea ‘ or something like that ?
She’s probably assuming you already know that, she likes you as a friend I guess.
if she’s not ready, don’t push her.
She sounds like a *****! lol By that I mean she’s giving you major mixes messages by saying that she likes you but doesn’t want a relationship. My advice is to not waste your efforts on this girl, because right now its all you you you wanting a relationship and she has the upper hand. Back off completely and enjoy being single or find someone else. You’re worth more than that! :)
I don’t think she was letting you down easy, I think she really does like you but for her own reasons is scared or not ready. I think she respects you and values your friendship and is being honest with you. I’d say give her some space and time and see, don’t wait around forever but give it some time, who knows?!
jackis2 wrote:
She sounds like a *****! lol
a “tease”?
lol
liquidgraffiti wrote:
Yeah, I get it bluflames, she is politely saying no, but why is she allowing me to go to her other job with her ? Why can’t she just say, ‘ I think I’d rather you not come with me because you are getting the wrong idea ‘ or something like that ?
I know she probably is letting me down easy so as to not to sound rude or something like that.
This girl may think you’re a sweet, great guy friend, and that’s probably why she hasn’t put an end to the work visits. But if a girl gets annoyed/pushed enough, you can bet your *** she won’t hesitate to say no.
jackis2 wrote:
My advice is to not waste your efforts on this girl
I actually agree. You already know a relationship with her isn’t in the foreseeable future…how long are you willing to wait around and pine for her?
Joey_PR wrote:
jackis2 wrote:
She sounds like a *****! lol
a “tease”?
lol
Yes…..
a ‘tease’. That’s what I meant to say…. :P lol
She obviously doesnt want a relationship but i think shes just trying to turn u down but doesnt want to hurt your feelings.
Ive said that to so many guys cause i didnt want to offend them and it sucked when they still keeped trying just leave her be shes prob a **** anyway lol.
wow, Im in a similar situation as you…lol except I am the girl who is trying to get the guy lol.
But as far as what I am learning. You do have to give space and time to her. to think things through, and make sure she is doing the right thing.
hang out with her, and be a friend though.
Maybe one day talk to her your reasoning without having her explain her reasoning. It might make her listen more and understand why she should be with you.
If you think she’s the one.. well..you’re already attached so backing down now would be painful anyway. I think you should keep going with this.
It’s only been a month. She likes you and said you were bf material.
Give her some space..
Just make sure you’re persistent!
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He didn’t come off as needy to me at all. He is perfectly willing to give her space and time. Where did you get “very needy” from? I just don’t see it. Perhaps a bit insecure but needy?! Ouch.
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I see, I just found “very needy” as a tad harsh and not really in context with what he has said. Personally I would prefer to extole someone’s virtues especially when insecurity is a factor, but that’s just me. It did seem like a poke, but I could have been mistaken.
As you say, to each his own and a plethura of opines is always helpful. Each poster brings a unique perspective to the mix and I have no intent of squashing that.
If she wanted you as her boyfriend, she would go out with you. Her jobs are an excuse. I’m sure you’re disappointed, but she is trying to be polite and still be your friend. If you can be her friend, then be one. That may only be possible, though, if you find someone else as a girlfriend.
AmandaLynn wrote:
liquidgraffiti wrote:
Thankx for the quick replies. I guess you are both right, I’ll start to back down and not push her like Amanda said in her post.
I like her too much to do that to her, and I understand that her career comes 1st; she has all her life ahead of her (She’s 20) and doesn’t want a relationship at the moment, she told me so.
I will back down right now, as hard as that can be, because I don’t want her to get distracted with her job, and I don’t want her to feel obligated to be with me because she feels pity for me or something else. If we are ever to be in a relationship, i want her to be with me because she wants it and not for obligation. Thank you guys for the advice.
Yeah, I get it bluflames, she is politely saying no, but why is she allowing me to go to her other job with her ? Why can’t she just say, ‘ I think I’d rather you not come with me because you are getting the wrong idea ‘ or something like that ?
I know she probably is letting me down easy so as to not to sound rude or something like that.
Women are really confusing :-D
Sweety - you are on the right track. But really - men are just as confusing as women.. only in their own way. And dear - “why cant she just say “i think i’d rather you not come with me because you are getting the wrong idea” or something??? … Has she not PLAINLY said what her intentions are? How does YOU choosing to take the mass transit with her to her next job and her ALLOWING you to ride on it with you send you mixed signals?? You want her to instead tell you you cant ride the mass transit because shes on it - and that would seem like yall are dating or something? … sweetheart - .. you are obsessing over this a bit much and are looking way to far into things and confusing your own self. Its a ride to her next job. Not a date. Not an invitation to start dating. not an i love you. Just company - and we all are free to enjoy having company if we can. I would rather ride with someone i know than a bus full of people i dont ANY DAY..lol. Whether the guy liked me or not - i’d just like to not feel alone on the bus. .. u know? Shes made her intentions clear - you have to leave it at that… like you said.. and not keep finding things that mean shes giving mixed signals because you want her to change her mind and are looking for some tidbit or morsel she may throw under the table to give you hope. … just go on with your life and enjoy it, develop your character, find a little more self confidence and stability and direction and focus on other things so you are not so focuesd on this and start noticing things that really arnt even there. dont forget yourself.
Also, every time I ask her, if she wants me to wait for her so I could go to her house with her, she always says yes.
I get what you are trying to say Amanda, I may be coming off as a needy guy, maybe I am for this girl.
I know that going to her house with her means nothing like a date or something like that you know ?
And sipping from the same straw means equally nothing, but why did she said she liked me ?
Maybe she meant as a friend ?
I have to ask her that.
As of now, I’m backing out slowly. I just don’t ask her anymore if she wants me to wait for her. I haven’t really talked to her for 2 days, I haven’t really seen her for about 2 days as well (The less I see of her, the less painful it will be for me). Keep in mind that we have the same job and somehow, I’ve managed to avoid her for the last 2 days.
I don’t want to hurt myself anymore you know ?
This may be a bad idea, to cut all communications with her, I just hope she doesn’t take it the wrong way.
What do you think ?
Thanks for the wonderful answers. They help a lot :-)
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