friends help: I had a problem with a housemate during university so i moved out. - Help.com

Have you tried to talk to them about it?

They will either get over it, or you will need to move on to better friends. Friends don’t treat each other that way.

That was going to be my next thought ^^. Well put Phuckit!

I talked to one of them and said ‘that i was pretty upset that you didnt even bother to call me to see how i was doing or even asked me why i moved out’

he apologised and said it was abit awkward , so said fine lets go watch a film tonight, and he replied he had so study to do, so i said fair enough, but the next day i heard from other friends that he had been out the night before.

really need some advice, i considered these people to be my friends.

you cannot control what they do or how they treat you. Just be honest and upfront with them, and they can take it of leave it. Good friends would not treat you like that- so if need be move on.

You are giving them the benefit of the doubt and that is good, but eventually i they keep pushing you aside like that you are going to move on.

if they keep pushing you aside*

yeah i know, but i find it difficult to believe that my friendds will treat me like this, and everytime i ask why i’m being excluded from activities thier main reason is that i wasnt in the house anymore.

and they apoligise but keep on doing it. i dont know if they are truely sorry or they are not serious at all.

could be true… maybe they were friends with you because you were their room mate…. not because they necessarily wanted to be friends.. if you catch my drift. Don’t mean to sound “mean” about it, but I do not know your friends, I can only offer ideas on what I am reading for any possible reasons why they are treating you like that.

well before i moved out i considered them my friends, we went on holiday together and spent alot of time outisde the house together. For me thier behaviour is perplexing and i dont understand why they are treating me so badly as i’ve always treated them well and with considerations.

If they are repeating their offenses towards you… eventually you need to stop calling them and give them their space and try to make new friends or renew friendships that you had in the past. It is one think to say I am sorry for something, but if the action continues…. you just need to let it go and see what they do on their own. If they call you up.. cool… if not… then you move on. Don’t get upset about it or angry, be the bigger person, and let is simmer for a while.

Real friends are few and far in between. Sad but true. Most people are nice and friendly, but the people that will always be there for you…. not too many.

Maybe they got wind of the dispute you had with you one house mate that made you decide to move out, maybe they have this whole new idea of who you are… I couldn’t say, but even if the one you had a dispute with is talking bad about you… it is your friends’ responsibility to go to you and figure out what happened. You should not feel bad about your choice, they could be judging you on what someone else has said concerning your choice to move out… but that is not your problem… that is their issue.

I know you are right, it is just upsetting and need to learn to move on. I find it strange that nowadays many friendships are fickle.

Well it is college, people go in and out… make friends and eventually move on to live their lives. You just need to start over and not worry about it.

they didnt bother asking me why i left. I left because one of my housemayes took pleasure of trying to undermine me and humilate me infront of his girlfriend because he was jealous everytime i spoke to her when she came over. One day i just had enough and confronted him and made it seem that is was normal and i am over reacting.

thanks for the advice, its good to talk about it with someone.

I can understand your point of view. Your friend because of his insecurities, probably said ( maybe to the other housemates) that you were trying to steal his girlfriend. But all that doesn’t matter you know the truth and that is what counts.

I think you made the right choice, anyone who refuses to put up with that kind of treatment is good in my book. So you have nothing to worry about. Just remember why you moved out anytime you feel upset and realize that it was the right move for the right reasons, when a lot of people probably would have stuck it out and fought about it - instead of taking the high road and taking control of the situation like you did.

i don’t think that is the reason, as when i spoke to my housemates the main reason they gave me was that i was no longer in the house and i said you can easily call me and that would have solved the problem, but i guess its all excuses

i had exams at the time and had seriously affected my study so moving out was my only option, but if i had not had exams i would have stayed.

It is all excuses. If that are that lazy to where they cannot pick up a phone and call you… how good of a friend can they be? Just don’t worry about it so much , whatever comes of it will happen and there is little you can do to change it, just have to let the chips fall where they may.

yeah, i guess you are right. i have embarrassed myself enough by chasing them.

thanks for you help

Just let things happen naturally. No Problem Buddy. :) I hope you feel better soon about it all.