Family help: Recent widow finding her way back. - Help.com



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Recent widow finding her way back.

Met someone the year after my husband died suddenly from a heart attack. Three months after he passed, had to take my Mom in to live with me. Nightmare. Met Jon, fell into step easily with each other. My Mom relocated to be with my brother and his family. Jon moved in the next month with me and it has been almost two years now. His 22 year old son moved in with us (financial intervention) and he left after 9 months. Jon still owns a condo with his Mom and they are trying to sell it. I pay all the bills at my home and Jon pays all the bills at his condo. His son is broke and pays for nothing. I am feeling used and abused by both of them. Even though I have a good job, the balance in my bank account continues to fall. He is a good man, but I am feeling terrible about the lack of financial contribution. He wants to help, but can’t. I just spent $600 on new glasses and sunglasses for him, because he truly needed them. I am my own worst enemy I know, but he is kind and gentle. What do I do? I care about him, but there are too many issues. I am still sad from death of husband and am withdrawing into a shell. So very unhappy. Please don’t tell me to have a serious talk, because I have done that - so many times. How can you keep kicking someone when they are down?

This open post was written 3 months ago | V/U/S: 55, 2, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Myocardial infarction, death, marriage, bank, Glasses, Family, Month, Sunglasses, man, heart (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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Mas 1st offline Verified User (8 months, 2 weeks) Help.com Volunteer Moderator Long Term User Shouts: 573 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (12 minutes after post)

The last sentence you wrote ‘how can you keep on kicking someone when they are down?’. I think it applies to you more than John you know. Who would have bought the sunglasses/glasses had you not been there? How would him and his son have survived without you accommodating them. One part confuses me - please dont tell me the son is living in the condo rent free or anything. I mean John had to pay his bills before he met you but if the place isnt occupied they should be minimal.

I think 2 things are happening to you right now. The financial impact of losing your husband is now hitting home coupled with the extra drain on your finances this ‘new’ family have cost you.

You are going to have to budget and make sure that not one penny of your money subsidises that boy - he is old enough to earn his own money. You are going to have to make sure that your account funds drop no further. That doesnt involve all that serious a talk with anyone. As far as you are concerned the Bank of You is Closed. Pay your own bills, no-one else’s it may sound a bit harsh but I’m afraid you didnt bring this financial drain into this relationship - your boyfriend did.

You can still be a couple and if he loses the condo - well that would have happened anyway as he obviously doesnt have the finances to maintain it.

One last thing - kind and gentle he may be - but if he cant see the stress this is putting you under I wonder just how much he cares - Mas

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dawninflorida1 offline Verified User (3 months) Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (23 minutes after post)

Thank you very much for your kindness and support. It is appreciated more than you know. I loved the line you wrote … “The Bank of You” is closed! LOL

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