life help: My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic. - Help.com

There’s not much you can do until he admit’s he has a problem.

How can I get him to see that it’s a problem? He feels like he has to have painkillers and marijuana and I’m not even sure what to believe anymore because he used to have the pain a few times a year and then it became every few months, then a few times monthly and now it’s daily. However, we have gone to doctors who have confirmed through testing that his condition is real.

gerry51 is right….and noone can change anyone unless they want to. I can tell you that its probably all about control. Maybe he feels that this is the only thing in his life he has control over. If he cant see that for himself then there isnt anything you can do. Your not gonna make him see the problem!!!! His body is so use to the pain killers and such that if he goes without his body cant handle it. My mom was the same way. for years she had to use. she told everyone that she had to have this pill for this prob and that pill for that. She died almost yr and half ago did an autopsy….guess what she didnt even have 3/4 of what she said she did.She went to many docs too. He may have pain but there are other ways to deal with it besides pain killers. I had huge prob with my nerve in my back could hardly move take care of my kids. do laudry. nothing!!! I never once took anything more that a tylenol once in a while!

Maybe he needs the pain pills but he does not need the marijuana.

gerry51 wrote:
There’s not much you can do until he admit’s he has a problem.

I agree, he needs to admit it to himself, and have the ‘desire’ to stop. I know thats not what you want to hear but it’s been proven time and time again. Is there anything you know that would make him want to take responsibility for his actions. Maybe family that he hasn’t seen in a while? you are not totally helpless, like it seems. You can make him more aware of what he’s doing, without ridicule or nagging of course like give him information on what these things do to the body and mind. Or practice tough love. It may take a change to make him more aware, maybe separate for a while. It will make him grateful of what he has and make him think. As long as you keep ‘allowing ‘ it he will continue to do it. So either put your foot down and mean it or stay in this rut. Has he thought of alternative medicine or going to narcotics anonymous meetings? this may be something to look into too.

Thank you for all of the insight everyone. So far, I see this as a problem in its early stages. He seems to be slowly becoming dependent on these things, but how can I tell him not to take them when he’s in pain? One thing that worries me is how many pills he’ll end up taking a day. He always does it when I’m not watching and we both work so I’m not there during the day with him. Sometimes it seems like he runs out of a prescription way too quickly…and once he said he lost a new bottle. Kind of makes me wonder though. I don’t know how far he is into this addiction. When I tell him I worry and that I really don’t think he should take the pills if he doesn’t have pain (because sometimes he’ll take a couple as a preventative measure), anyway, sometimes when I bring these things up with care and concern (not nagging) then he’ll move on to the marijuana for a few days, and then he starts doing that all day every day and he’s not even himself. Then he’ll switch again or do both. When he’s on the pills by themselves, he hardly eats (a common side affect of using painkillers regularly) and when he smokes, as you can probably imagine, he gorges himself with like 9 meals a day. It’s crazy. And he gets so sluggish and doesn’t want to shower for a couple of days or brush his teeth more than once daily. It’s really disturbing. And when I mention those things to him he just gets upset because I make him feel like he’s a dirty person (which he’s usually not) and he feels like I’m treating him like a kid…so I just stopped saying anything about that. I just wish he could get this medical issue solved for good so he could be pain-free. He’s still young and should be enjoying life daily, not going through it in a fog. Especially right now…We’re less than 2 months away from expecting our first baby. I just want the real him here again.

His resisting you and your kind words are deaf to him, It is his denial that he has a problem (blind to it being a problem) a combination of other things too probably. But thats his problem, not yours. You are making it yours by thinking for him and doing for him. Allowing it to happen. I for one have little sympathy for you, concern and all but not much sympathy. My son costs me so much with his overeating from using weed that I barely had anything to eat for a year. Something has got to change and it looks like your the one who has to so that. yor probably looking for an easy answer or a middle road of contentment for all involved but there is none. When he says you are treating him like a kid, in a sense you are. So tell him that, he is acting like a child so you will continue to treat him as one. Another way of putting that is ‘We ‘teach’ people how to treat and respond to them.’ i do sympathize with him and the pain. the pain may be the worst culprit in all this and why he is in denial, it is clouding his thinking, taking control. He is the only one that can manage his thoughts by dealing with it in his own way. Again I know you feel helpless but its just a feeling so if you choose to stay keep this in mind. MMmm now I see your having a baby. don’t allow the stresses of this get to you-and the baby. Its a fact that stress has numerous effects on the health, in this case , not just yours but another human being. Its time for you to be selfish, put your thought and efforts-energy off of your boyfriend and put them where they will be beneficial. With your boyfriend only put your energies into supporting him in getting the help he needs with the pain issue and hopefully he wont be too addicted to these things by the time the medical issue is resolved. Prayer for a Safe Pregnancy;

This life you have given us
is so tiny, fragile, and vulnerable,
safe in the womb of flesh and hope,
yet subject to danger and death.
O God of love, creator of life,
hear our prayer.
We want this baby so much.
Please grant this child of ours
a full term of nurture,
the joy and mystery of life,
and the blessing of your love.
Grant us the fulfillment of our dreams,
a baby to cherish and protect,
a child to teach and guide,
a blessing to our family. In Jesus name, Amen