Love help: I would say I have committed suicide on more than one occassion. - Help.com

I would say I have committed suicide on more than one occassion.

Yet i never really meant to except for once.(I had a rather severe case of being an impulsive suicide attempter.)’some are still angrey I didn’t leave a note.’ Once and only once was I not in the desease of mental depression. which is where you let it all beat you up till you just want to shut your head up and you know it is you situate yourself better or you kill yourself. Most people have a will to survive which kicks in here.

there are goal oriented reasons you talk about yourself as you do in your mind anyway. Do you go out of your way to degrade yourself, it’s not you it’s the negative thoughts you retain. Do you go out of your way to built yourself up or do you tightly maintain control of calm and in the middle somewhere. Your not alone we all do it to a certain degree it’s those little nuances that give our character it’s little twists. Since we know twists can range from that put’s her on edge to she was arrested because of the people in her fridge. There are varying degrees of any type of thinking.

Knowing that I know as much as you do I bet you ask yourself how could I have even killed myself one time. First let me verify doctors out there I never had it checked out but I took 3 months supply i had been saving in a foam cup while i went out and wrecked my life ODD style. I took at that time 600 mg seroquel and 350 mg trazadone also anti depressant which i didn’t save up but took a few of.

I was so jittery first I made myself go lay down. I felt like I was being drug under into total blackness. I awoke at one point think I fought my way back up when I went to go to the bathroom my feet and eyes were crossed and stuck that way. I waddled I guess you would say to the bathroom sure I was a miserable sight with no control over my body I captured forever that face in the bathroom mirror.

Then when I returned to bed I had a vision of my youngest living child seh was about 15, pregnant smoking, with cotton candy pink hair, goth cothing, crying. i hear people say she was ok till her mother killed herself. That was that I knew instinctively regardless I couldn’t kill myself. Now can I make someone kill me those boundry’s had yet to be tested and before I needed to I determined I wouldn’t let someone kill me. First this is why she lives with her dad and I put up with him punishing me by not answering the phone when i am there. So she can have a normal middle class life which I could not give her in the circumstances I am in. I am a single woman in america who plans to stay that way… I could tell some guy I love him like that and maintain for a minute but they guys always wanna keep you on the level of needing the help they provide. I wanna fly so it’s out the question. (this all brings me to present situation huh what next where. ) Anyway The next morning I was woke up a friend had gotten someone to get the key to let em in. I gathered myself to act sleepy when i was near dead lol and said I am fine.

That this was over five ears ago and whereas I have experienced a kidney pain or two any non subsequent dr visit has yeilded in excellent blood work. JUST LIKE ANY OTHER PERSON i just seen you scroll up I love that picture. I guess I just wanted to vent a little.

This open post was written 2 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 140, 14, 8 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

suicide, Love, Ear, life, Bathroom, Control, degree, guy, act, kill (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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