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i’m wasting my life
but i don’t know how to get out of this “phase” i’m in?? Is it even a phase if it lasts for years??… i am like a recluse [almost] and i don’t know why?? i’m 20 and i just want to do so many things but i am too fcuking scared to do them and it’s sort of become a habit to just do nothing….i feel safe….even though i’m not happy,i don’t know what i’m asking here but i know i need some sort of help
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I would recommend seeing a Psychiatrist as they can help with your problem. They can identify your problem and suggest many ’soothing’ techniques. Perhaps you need to take some tome off and just relax…
u need action and some experiences….start from small things..try doing wht u want ..u know dare? im sure ur afraid..thts why i tell u to try doing lil things first ..lil steps at a time… i donno like… umm find sth u like n maybe start going dancing or sth? meet new friends? try making sth ..creativity always makes people feel like they did sth lol..get involved with sth…after a time u can plana trip? at least thts wht i do ..i was in home..school n safety of home n parents n one day i went to a university 7 hours away for my home city ..i got my own home ..n i never expected that .u know? im a stupid girl just lil immature lol and shy n all that..well them i did many thins.. theater classes ..song lol.. n i went a trip camping with friends in summer …things i would like do n thought abt n i did…not everything i wanted? just steps… u dare n ull see:)
I agree with the above, I went through the same thing, it helps with small things, once it got my confidence rolling, I was willing to try bigger and bigger things
Well it sounds as if you have depression - what level that depression is on I’m uncertain of as I only have a small piece of information here. Depression can start for all sorts of reasons, but I think you may have been neglecting yourself and your needs. What have you wanted to do for yourself that you have been unable to? What goals did you have that you have neglected? What led you to become so scared of achieving these goals? You need to answer these questions and get some sort of conclusion from them? Depression or fear (which I think are both two similar feelings) can stem from the smallest of things and escalate. E.G. Maybe you wanted to go to a party once but felt too scared to talk to new people or like it was too much of an effort, this may be because you were bullied at school or another reason, so you were rejected and now fear more rejection. Or maybe a peer made you feel like you couldn’t achieve something once and now you always think you can never achieve anything so “making an effort” as such would appear worthless because you think you will fail so it’s easier to think “ah well I’ll just stay in, do whatever” and then you wallow in these negative thoughts and it becomes harder to “get out there” and achieve those goals!! It may be none of the above but I’m giving examples of where pyschological fear and depression can stem from. I’ve been through depression, mainly from bullying at school and peers putting me down in the past (including my parents unintentionally). I’ve slowly learnt to deal with this pain and make a go of things, although I do sometimes fall back to the same old, “oh I won’t bother”. You may just be bored with a certain routine and are afraid to step outside the bubble. Either way try not to wallow in negative thoughts so much, it’s easy to do and we all do it, whether subconciously or not, we do it! What is important is to recognise this pattern, and then try to get out of it. I agree with the posts above that it involves, little goals at a time. Maybe, if you are an animal lover you could volunteer at an aminal sanctuary, walk dogs, stroke cats etc., this can be theraputic. Or a simple brisk walk or jog to clear your thoughts might help? Consider joining a social club like a rambling club to meet other people, or an art class or some sort of college recreation course to socialise with like minded people. It would only be a couple of hours a week then you could do your own thing. I found this worked wonders, I was bored with the gym, couldn’t stand parties unless I was drunk and they were too long anyway, so I started a college art course and met like minded people. I liked the fact I achieved something at the end and then could just go home to my little sanctuary (i.e. my room) afterwards feeling better about myself. Good luck :-)
DO it afraid.
I would recommend volunteering for something. You’ll meet other people (who want to help others) and will feel good doing it. Start small - make mini goals. Think of joining a few classes. Time will go by either way - STep out - you can do it….you’ll be much happier when you find friends, activities, etc. I spent YEArs isolating and now think what a waste what a waste….you Go - you can do it!!
i don’t think you have depression. otherwise you would have this desire to do something, you’d be like “what the hell, the world sucks, why should i care at all?”
it sounds like the best thing for you to do is to suck it up and try venturing out, fear and all.
do you have a buddy who can accompany you? it is best to start with a close friend, start with small social activities that require very little effort and contact and then when you are comfortable, work upwards from there.
Do whatever you feel would make you happier. Eat chocolate, drink soup, live life as it is. Don’t try to force yourself into someone you’re not… you will just feel even worse. Don’t try to picture yourself somewhere else and don’t use ‘what if..’s as they form an imaginary situation for you to compare your current self with.
Don’t look back and regret the time you think you have wasted. Each moment we hear, see, touch or feel something, it becomes a part of us.
And remember that it’s all just a Marketing Scam.
I am in the same boat.. Only I am now 30 years of age and I have done absolutely zero with my life, When I was 17-18 I had a load of friends and I was out and about all the time, but one by one they all moved away until I had nobody left so I just started staying in.. and years have gone by and every single day I wake up thinking.. right today i’m going to do.. and nothing ever happens.. it’s like groundhog day.. I’m starting to worry that it’s now to late to do anything even though I don’t feel like even a year has gone by.
You don’t have depression Buddy..You have a classic case of fear mixed lack of success stimulation.What does that mean,I hear you ask.Ok,this is how I see it.
Your too young to have tasted success and it sounds like you don’t know how to go about getting to that point..
Its a bit like taking your very first taste of ice cream..You never tasted it before but ‘WOW’,when you do..you know this is a taste I’m going to want to taste again and its unlike anything else you’ve even experienced before..
Same goes for success..exact same thing.
Ok,how do we get to taste success..? First thing is,start small? People who crave the smell of success always dream big but success is in effect a whole series of small little pieces of progress( like reading a line in a book) which is nice in themselves but then you start to see the ‘BIG ONE’ on the horizon,on up the road a little and you can see its going to be worth the wait to get to that far off place because ,the little step have fun in them as well so thay will do until you get there.
I would say for you look around the desk on which the computer sits and where your reading this post and ask yourself..How clean could I get it? Forget the room your sitting in? Just take the desk and focus on it for a minute?
When you have looked at the desk and have decided that ,ok,this is my focus for the next 15 minutes.Lets call it step number 1,for fun,ok? ..I’m going to sort out this desk and its going to be done right. Move the computer,clean under it,fix up any items that may be on that desk and do so as its completely differant to what its like right now.
I want you to think about what I’m going to say to you after you’ve done that?
When the most complicated,difficult and seemingly impossible feat of engineering/science or space travel was finally reached,the very first step on the long road to that very special moment,was started with a task as simple and boring as the cleaning of a desk.
If the very first thing that was done by the person who dared to dream of those amazing tasks,was to clean their desk,their room,their body or the hundreds of other small things that become bigger and bigger and involved more and more people until they reached their’horizon’..then none of it would have happened without step number 1.
My point is,life is a whole lot of small steps.each of those steps should be given the respect and focus that the very biggest dreams would,,because they are vital to reaching those dreams and will not happen without them..
The numbers of areas in your life where this applies is amazing..
PIck one?..lets just take money? You want to save up for something,in your mind its such a big thing,,will take so long that it seems like it would take for ever..
In reality,saving is the mirror immage of spending..What the hell is this guy talking about ,I hear you say!!
Ok,I give you $100..Before you know it,its 70…50…ohh ****..only 30 left.Its down to 20,your thinking..This is almost gone..I need another$100…
Well saving a $100 can work the same way but its another kind of focus…You have to be a bit more focused and say things like..Every $100 I get needs to have just a little bit of it slipped away when I’m not looking and stored.
SO when the $100 is doing its 70…..50….ohh **** 30!! $15 Was missing but you hardly even noticed it but You are growing rather than always being …Ohh ****!!Right?
Success is a state of mind my friend,its a little bit of focus,a little bit of planning and always with a dream just over the next hill..Take a look at the small things first,its amazing how quickly you will be growing in confidance and tasting that ice cream for the first time..with every small step..
You have so much time here,,20 is very young I’m 47 and I’ve only learned this stuff in the past few years..SO,take a fools advice and clean that desk before going on to bigger and better things;)
Thanks JR, I know your helping him but it just helped me.
I’m a 23 year old male and i have always had big dreams, however i have not been able to make myself do what I need to do.
I have wanted out so bad of the life im living. Im always thinking about how i want to change, but never able to actually change.
I even know what it takes to change and to get what i want but have been unable to do so.
Your post has inspired me, and i really know how the oh sh** part feels but your words have made me look at it in a new light, so thank you.
I know whoever left the original post left it like 2 years ago, but if you happen to still read this I hope you have moved on, but if not just know your not alone and we are all trying to find our way in life. Good luck to you all.
my name is vinoth ! i’m doing my mechanical engineering! i have lots and lots of stage fear ! i was studying well in my schoolings but now i’m not able to study well ! my classmates are making fun of me all the time ! i’m not motivated to learn new things ! i’m finding hard to study well ! i don’t know to get out of it ? please somebody guide me ! thank u !
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